Category: Stupid propositions

I Ventured into Aisle 11 to Find out What they Meant by “Hispanic Foods”

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Photo: Laura Martínez. Catskill, NY 2023

Intrigued about what Americans understand to be “Hispanic Foods,” I ventured into aisle 11 in a Catskill, NY supermarket only to find a bunch of non-Hispanic, definitely-NOT-Mexican, dubious looking things, including Old El Paso’s Tortilla pocket kits, large cans of taco seasoning, Juanita’s Nacho Cheese Sauce and other such horrors.

I was kind of hoping to at least grab me some Hispanic cheese, but nope; no cheese was to be found in aisle 11. Perhaps there’s a Hispanic cheese aisle I’m missing, so I’ll go look for it and will keep y’all posted.

CBS Wants you to Know Bad Bunny Sings in Non-English

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If you caught the Grammy Awards ceremony last Sunday (and you are someone like me always looking for the awkwardness) you might have noticed the closed captioning during Bad Bunny’s opening act, which was… well… awkward.

And that is because while he was presenting or singing away, the captions only read “[SPEAKING NON-ENGLISH]” and “[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]” apparently, because that’s the language spoken by my people.

Ok, CBS, I get it. To be real honest, I have no idea what he’s talking *and* singing about most of the time. Still…

The only great thing about the closed captioning brouhaha is that someone came up with the awesome idea of launching a non-English Spotify list, featuring –who else?– Bad Bunny himself along with other English –non-English– performers.

Photo: Variety

Someone Came up with Gender Reveal Taco Parties and I Can’t Even

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This has gone way too far

And just when I thought tacos hadn’t been insulted enough in this country, today I learned about a new, disturbing trend: Gender Reveal Tacos, featuring plasticky, rosca-like niños dios and what looks like pink and … green tortillas –for some reason.

As someone who has long detested the entire premise of gender-reveal events, I’m really not quite sure what people are supposed to do with the above. Are the proud parents-to-be supposed to eat the plastic babies? Wrap them in a pink –or green– tortilla depending on the creaatures’ so-called gender?

Also: Does throwing a big serrano in the mix is a hint to let us know it’s going to be a … boy? (please go Google “chile” as a nickname for penis, etc.)

So many questions!

Perhaps, as one of my Twitter followers put it, the economy is so sucky right now, that El niño has “picked up a new gig doing gender reveals since the rosca wasn’t cutting it.”

Hat tip: Becky Hammer on Twitter

 

The George Santos Bobblehead Is Here –and Can Be yours for Only $30

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George "Mentirosillo" Santos

The National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum has unveiled the official George Santos bobblehead, featuring a smiling Santos, complete with a blue sweater-suit combo and –what else?– a Pinnocchio-like nose.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or don’t work in breaking news like yours truly) you’ll know by now that Mr. Santos, a Brazilian native, has been caught in his own web of lies and deceits: From claiming his mom was in the Twin Towers on 9-11 to allegedly bilking a veteran out of money raised to pay for his sick dog’s surgery.

This figurine is now available online and can be yours for “only” $30 and it’s not just going to sit there doing nothing. It will actually play clips of some of Santos’ biggest lies in his own words at the touch of a button.

The best part? The National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum is pledging to donate $5 from every sale to “selected dog-focused GoFundMe Campaigns.”

Don’t lie, you know you want it!

Photo: National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum 

Poor Newsmax Host Can’t Find Doll that Looks Like His Daughter

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First things first: I do not watch Newsmax, and quite frankly I wouldn’t even know how to since I don’t have cable TV.

However, I couldn’t help but flagging a clip I found online about Rob Finnerty, a poor white television host who can no longer find an American Girl doll that looks like his daughter, because the popular doll brand has been … wokeified.

“My daughter is just a cute little 6 year-old white girl – we couldn’t find anybody that looked like my daughter. It was — the whole place, it was, like, wokeified”

Funny how the existence of a few black and brown dolls in a world where white dolls rule still triggers this kind of panic in white, right-wing folks.

Get yourself together, Roberto, we’re not that scary!

 

I’m Gonna Make Blogging Great Again

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OK, y’all. For years, Twitter was my favorite (and pretty much only) social media platform, but then Elon came around and broke it (i.e. fucked it up).

Not content with ruining everyting, tonight, on Saturday, Nov. 19, 2022 el pendejo decided to reinstate the other pendejo, so, even if blogging takes longer and costs this blogger more money that it should, I plan to take all my taco –and -non-taco – funny rants here again.

I apologize to my almost 37,000 Twitter followers for the lack of activity over there. I promise I will try to keep the fun here as much as possible. And, yes, while there are no popular hashtags on WordPress, let me get you started on some good ones:

#PincheMusk
#PincheTrump
#FuckTwitter
#RIPTwitter

p.s. If you see this post pop up on your Twitter feed, it is because I have an automated feature set up for this so you can (hopefully) come visit, and not because I’m back on this hell hole again.

Thank you all for following me here. I promise to make blogging GREAT again!

#MBGA

 

Del Taco Wants you to Think these Are Tortas

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If you thought Trump announcing a presidential bid for 2024 was the worst piece of news this year, think again: Del Taco – which dares call itself a “Mexican restaurant” – said it has added “Mexican-Style tortas” to their menu.

The company said (apparently with a straight face and via an unecessarily long press release) that their tortas are so epic that they will be known as Epic Tortas. Their excitement is such, that the chain temporarily changed its name to “Del Torta,” which –naturally– makes no sense whatsover.

This blogger is just gonna say one thing: Make Tortas Great Again!*

*and if you’re not up to the task, please just leave tortas alone.

Day of the Dead Is the New Cinco de Mayo –and I Can’t Even

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Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some here dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Organic yellow corn tortilla chips with typos for Día de Muertos en gringolandia

Anyhow, in an effort to show you I was right when back in 2018 I decided to call Day of the Dead the New Cinco de Mayo, I will be posting here some of the most bizarre/sad/pathetic/senseless examples of what America is doing with one of Mexico’s most beloved traditions.

CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING GALLERY OF HORRORS and be sure to check back as I’ll be updating this thing as soon as new barbaridades come my way…

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I hate to say I told you, but I told you ….

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Netflix Teases ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’; this Blogger Braces for the Worst

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One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez 1967 masterpiece, is coming to… a Netflix screen near you.

Yup, the streaming giant on Friday released the trailer of the series, which is being executive produced by Marquez’s sons Rodrigo Garcia and Gonzalo García Barcha.

It is the first-ever adaptation of García Márquez’s epic novel which follows the saga of the Buendía family and the building of the city of Macondo in the middle of a swamp.

Netflix has not yet announced a date of release, but this blogger will be closely watching to see how this thing plays out one of her favorite books ever –or becomes a flop, like many things Netflix has touched in the past. So, stay tuned.

I don’t know, man, even the trailer looks… too cute for my taste.

Barbie Día de Muertos Is Back – and She’s not Alone

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Back in 2019, and just in time for Día de Muertos (or what Americans dare call “Mexican Halloween”) Mattel came up with a signature Barbie Día de Muertos which – according to a very long press release – featured a “long, embroidered dress decorated with flowers and butterflies [and] a crown with the iconic monarch butterflies and the cempasúchitl flower to honor, in every way, the symbols and offerings of this emblematic Mexican tradition.”

Today, as if the COVID-19 pandemic hadn’t brought so many calamities to the world, she is back, and she’s not alone: Mattel’s Second Edition Barbie Día de Muertos comes with a catrina-faced Ken Doll Día de Muertos, featuring a “charro look” and a “calavera sugar skull bolero tie and sombrero with a golden band.”

(Oh did I mention they’re like $80 each?)

And I thought Barbie Frida Kahlo was pathetic.

Hat tip: Gonzalo Jimenez

Americans Celebrate National Taco Day; I Suffer Immensely

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Yeah, you tell them, Red!
Yeah, you tell them, Red!

There is nothing more depressing for this blogger than National Taco Day, when everyone – and their abuela – take to social media to share what they think are … tacos.

The good news is that it’s also National Vodka Day, so I’m off for a very early one to be able to take the pain.

CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING SLIDESHOW TO FEEL MY PAIN

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Barbie Befriends Latino, Learns to Salsa, Because Hispanic Heritage Month!

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In which Rafa & Barbie inform us they can travel to Puerto Rico without needing a passport

It’s only been, like, a day, but brands are already jumping on the Hispanic Heritage Month action. Take Mattel’s most annoying toy, Barbie, who is celebrating by befriending a Latino dude named Rafa who teaches her to –what else? – how to salsa.

This clip is barely a minute, but it has everything I’ve come to expect from these kind of “homages,” namely salsa, abuelas, Tito Puente, Yolanda Rivera and the island of Puerto Rico, where Barbie & Rafa remind us they can travel to without carrying a passport!

Hold on to your sombreros: The 2022 Hispanic Hellish Month is just getting started!

hat tip: @LeChancle

The NFL Changes “N” to “Ñ” to Give Logo an “Unmistakable Latin Flavor”

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Remember that nonsensical trend of putting “eñes” where they don’t belong just to make something look –and sound– more authentically “Latino?”

Well, it looks like salsa makers and Hispanic journalists organizations are not alone in this thing. The latest to jump on the nonsensical “eñe wagon” (or should I say “wagoñ?”) is the National Football League, which has added an “eñe” to give its logo an “unmistakable Latin flavor.”

Ay, dios mío!

I get it. As we “celebrate” the dreaded Hispanic Heritage Month, corporations, politicians and NGOs want to sound all cute and Latin in order to properly pander to my people, but how about learning first to put the “eñe” where it DOES belong? Like in “jalapeño?” for example?