Hold on to your Sombreros: Cinco de Mayo 2021 Has Begun!

T-Mobile does Cinco de Mayo with taco socks, maracas and the like.

No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s Mexican Independence (it’s not) but because it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.

Etsy T-shirts, anyone?

Nacho de Mayo, because why not?

This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing tool known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline using the #CincoDeMayo hashtag. This has only begun, so, please help me by tweeting me your own personal horrors for 2021 Cinco de Mayo and let the “Mexican” madness begin!

T-Mobile

Barnsdall Art Foundation

Taco Johns – Ole The Day?

This reporter

This ‘Salsa’

Gluten-Free Churro Cupcakes

Mission Foods

Note: This post will be updated on a regular basis.

 

The Lazy Susan Topping Bar Is Here –and I Can’t Even

Got extra $40 and no shame? I got the perfect thing for you!

The Nostalgia Taco Tuesday Heated Lazy Susan Topping Bar is a fun way to get together on Taco Tuesday and share hideous, non-taco tacos with your friends. The set costs “only” $39.99 (plus shipping) and promises to hold as much plasticky, fake Mexican food you can imagine!

According to its creators, this thing’s Lazy Susan Design “makes it easy to share across the table” and features a “removable warming pot and topping trays.”

Heck, there’s even a video showing how a “timeless tradition has been made more convenient.”

Watch at your own peril; I’m done with Thursday.

Photo via: Amazon.com / Sombrero tip: @lechancle

Zara Home Attempts to Gentrify Luffa Sponges; Hilarity Ensues

Multinational fashion chain Zara has done it again. The home products division of the Spanish giant has put some luffa sponges (known in Mexico as zacates) for sale at 299 pesos (about 9.60 U.S. dollars).

As any Mexican knows, these kinds of sponges can be found in any market around Mexico from less than a dollar a pack. The over 2,000% price difference was not lost on Mexican Twitter, which quickly activated the Zara Home Meme machine. The results are… hilarious.

Eco Shower

Eco Lunch

Make Cubetas Chic Again

Eco Friendly Dog House

Eco friendly Dog House

To think I was brought up in a Zara Home

Japanese Ramen Chain Wants you to Think this is a Taco

The Gyoza Taco Dog serves up gyoza nestled in a hot dog bun topped with spicy sauce

Move over, Sushiro’s sushi tacos, here comes the Gyoza Taco Dog, the latest Japanese taco-themed delicacy courtesy of Korakuen, one of Japan’s largest ramen chains.

Korakuen is mainly known for its “fun” take on ramen, launching stuff like Valentine’s Day ramenramen-flavored fried chicken, and even ramen delivery robots. The novelty now is the Gyoza Taco Dog, a “combination of gyoza, tacos, okonomiyaki, and hot dogs.”

But, what makes this thing a taco? I’m glad you asked! “The taco flavor serves up gyoza nestled in a hot dog bun topped with a spicy sauce with chopped tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and jalapeños and a rich cheese sauce.”

OK, pues.

The 2021 Guac-Bowl Is Here and I Can’t Even

It’s already that time of the year when –not content with punishing this blogger with a pandemic, a white supremacist attempted coup, frigid temperatures *and* plenty avocado-hipster nonsense– the people behind Avocados From Mexico are once again reminding me of the upcoming, pandemic Super Bowl –and all I need to know about gringo guacamole.

Enter the 2021 Avocados From Mexico’s Guac Bowl, a “digital experience” where people obsessed with avocados can learn all sorts of things, including how to keep their avocados fresh longer for game day, and get rewards from buying avocados and other weird stuff.

Hosted by Troy Aikman and sportscaster Erin Andrews, the Guac Bowl digital experience also offers participants the chance to win “limited-time only avocado gear and weekly prizes of $1,000, as well as the opportunity to enter to win the grand prize of $1 million.”

Avocado gear? Yes, you read that right: Avocado gear is a thing and it’s just as ridiculous as you can imagine.

And no, I’m not making any of this up. Go ahead, read all about it right here. Now if y’all excuse me, I’ll go get drunk.

Mexico’s COVID-19 Czar Goes to the Beach; Hilarity Ensues

Mexico’s coronavirus czar Hugo López Gatell urged Mexicans to stay home… but then he went on a beach vacation, sparking anger … and tons of memes.

After urging people to stay home, wear a mask, keep a safe distance from others and avoid going on vacation, Mexico’s coronavirus czar, Hugo López-Gatell, decided to take a maskless beach vacation in Oaxaca, prompting a wave of criticisms among Mexicans and later becoming the nation’s butt of the joke.

A series of photos published this weekend show Dr. López-Gatell seated at an outdoor bar with a female companion in the tourist-friendly beach of Zipolite, Oaxaca. Neither is wearing a mask. Another photo, taken a few days earlier on a crowded flight from Mexico City to the beach resort, López-Gatell is seen talking on a cellphone — again not wearing a mask. The photos quickly went viral on social media.

While the politician’s beach escapade sparked anger, naturally, it also gave rise to some hilarious memes and images that continued to light the Internet well into the new year, because when it comes to quick, witty Internet humor, Mexico sigue siendo el rey.

Here are some of my favorite reactions to López-Gatell’s beach escapade.

AMLO got a Special T-shirt

Back from Zipolite

Coronavirus Ready to Pounce

The thing Is… Nobody Reads the small Print

How I Ended up in Twitter Jail

YOU are not crying. I am crying…

Ok I didn’t see *this* coming.

On the morning of Dec. 15, as I opened up my email account, I saw a message from Twitter with the following Subject: Your Twitter account has been locked.

My first reaction was –of course– W T F? ¿Qué chingaos hice? and started going through several possible scenarios.

Was it because of my multiple tweets mocking President Trump for having retweeting me once? Or perhaps, someone really important at the New York Times finally blew the whistle on my ongoing critique of their peas-in-guacamole recipe? (Let alone my Twitter bio.) Or…was it a collective denunciation by all those people whom I asked to DELETE THEIR ACCOUNT for not knowing how to eat tamales or make enchiladas?

Well, it was none of that.

What it was, according to Twitter, was punishment for having violated the Twitter Rules, specifically for “Violating our rules against promoting or encouraging suicide or self-harm.”

Self harm? Me? Tweeting about… self harm? Promoting or encouraging suicide? Perhaps, I thought, they misread something I tweeted about ham, not harm. But then I kept scrolling to find the offending tweet, which was not even an original tweet but a response to someone else’s retweet.

Here’s what happened.

On December 13, Montana legislator and former congressional candidate Tom Winter, tweeted his outrage about a piece of news that made a lot of people very angry (me included.)

I do not follow Winter on Twitter, but my buddy @dcbigjohn does, and this is why I saw the tweet to begin with. My response was brief and as you can see below, it was SUPPOSED TO BE IRONIC.

I guess the Twitter algorithm (assuming it was an algorithm and not a bunch of weird MAGA bots) doesn’t understand irony and doesn’t understand that in all the years I’ve spent on Twitter I have never (not once) promoted or encouraged self-harm. Heck, I’ve even been warning people about avocado hand like forever!

I guess I will remain in Twitter jail until Twitter decides to read up and weigh my appeal. In the meantime, the president of the United States continues to tweet unsubstantiated allegations of fraud and tons of misleading information to millions of people, while my beloved followers will have to live without my very important posts (VIPs) about tacos, tamales, enchiladas and other extremely important virus-related musings.

On the bright side, it has been moving to know there is a massive movement to bring me back: Thank you Le Chanclé for start stirring the pot, and to all of my friends showing concern.

I’m totally fine, so fine I’ll even starting happy hour earlier than usual. I hope to see y’all soon on Twitter.

In the meantime…

CVS y más, the ‘Hispanic CVS,’ Expands to New York, New Jersey. Still, no Tacos in Sight

A couple of years ago, Austin, TX correspondent, Sara Inés Calderón, spotted this on Stassney & S Congress Avenue, so this blogger had to go dig deeper into the meaning of “y más.”

And do I have news for y’all! According to an inexplicably long press release:

CVS “truly understands that Hispanic customers are looking for a more personalized shopping experience where they can find their favorite brands at competitive prices, convenient services, and a higher level of customer service in an envirorment [SIC] where they feel at home.”

They even have their own Website and this week opened a bunch of new outlets in New Jersey and New York.

Besides several typos, I couldn’t find a mention of tacos in this whole thing, so I’m NOT interested.

NEXT!

Old El Paso Launches ‘Tortilla Pockets’ for People who Know Nothing about Tortillas –or Tacos

Remember Old El Paso?

Well, the General Mills’ owned brand is back in the news, now with the launch of “Tortilla Pockets Kits,” because apparently their target consumers are too dumb to eat a regular taco made with real tortillas.

Tortilla Pockets, say their creators, “are sealed at the bottom to offer a mess-free solution at mealtimes and are ideal for a quick bite on the go.” And, no, this is not a joke. They’re already on sale in England and Australia.

Oh and “food” writers and editors seem to totally dig them!

“Eating tacos is a precarious business. After years of practise, few of us have perfected the fine art of filling a taco and getting it into our mouths without losing half of it to the floor,” writes Erina Starkey, a restaurant and news editor in Australia, which -granted- is not really known for its Mexican gastronomy. “The nifty pocket design provides a perfect cup for filling up with mince, cheese and salad so you never have to worry about dry-cleaning those salsa stains again.”

¡Ay, Erina!

Via: Delicious.com.au / Hat tip: Lone Star Vegan

¡Dios Mío! There is a Latino Cards Against Humanity

I don’t know who needs to hear this but Fitz Games has launched a party game targetting Latinos (or, as they like to call them now, the Latinx community.)

Called ¡Dios Mío! the game comes on the heels of other creations targetting specific groups, including “The Queer Agenda,” for the LGBTQ community and “The Chosen One,” for Jewish people.

According to Fitz Games, “¡Dios Mio!” is “a Latino Cards Against Humanity,” specifically designed with Latinx people in mind. It includes 420 cards, which are fully bilingual, and a series of additional packs to make your game more “picante.” Among said additions? Cuban, Puertorriqueña and Sucias.

¿Sucias? I I have one thing to say: ¡Ay Dios Mío!

Via: Hola magazine

Elon Musk Launches Teslaquila, a Tesla-branded Tequila, Because 2020 Is not Ridiculous Enough

As if I needed another reason to despise Elon Musk, the annoying mogul has officially launched Teslaquila, a Tesla-branded liquor that can be yours for “only” $250.

The first time I heard of Teslaquila was back in April 2018, because it was supposed to be an April Fool’s Day joke about the automaker filing for bankruptcy. But Musk being Musk this thing is here now, making it yet one more hideous 2020 surprise.

Via: Tesla.com