I don’t know why but it seems that if you are Miss USA competing for the Miss Universe crown in some exotic country (i.e. Mexico or Vietnam) you are condemned to fall on your butt.
What is it with these people?
Category: Television
Mexican Aspiring Chefs are Oh So Blond!
Meet the cast of Univision’s newest novela, Querida Enemiga, yet another Televisa refried production, starring Mexico’s 0.009% blond population.
But don’t be fooled by these people’s looks. Their lives are real complex and must undergo a series of tough obstacles to find happiness. Check it out:
Lorena and Sara were raised together in an orphanage, and even though they have totally different personalities, they love each other as sisters. Lorena’s greatest wish is to become a chef, and so, one day she says goodbye to the nuns that raised her and leaves to study cuisine in Mexico City. That same day, the Mother Superior discovers that Sara has stolen all the funds of the orphanage. When she confronts Sara, she suffers a heart attack and dies. Sara runs with her lover and accomplice Chalo, the driver of the orphanage. To erase all trace of her presence, she steals her file and Lorena’s. When she reads them, she learns that she was found in the garbage dump, but Lorena was abandoned in the orphanage without explanation by her grandmother, the millionaire Hortensia Armendariz. Sara’s first impulse is to find Lorena and help her confront her grandmother and demand her rights, but then she reconsiders her options and decides to usurp her place in the Armendariz gastronomic empire.”
Man! This plot is making me hungry, and depressed.
Typo In Situ: Don’t Insist. This is Plain Incitement
And speaking of Yahoo!Telemundo, this is how the Spanish-language site is promoting an episode of court-room show Caso Cerrado, in which a man sues a female neighbor for undressing in front of his window.
I want to believe Yahoo!Telemundo meant to say incita, as in “someone is sexually inciting me!” So, no insista, por favor. This is just a typo in situ.
Hispanic TV Upfronts: Sights and Sounds I
Last year I told readers of this blog I would strive to become a sort of ‘El Gordo y la Flaca’ of Hispanic marketing and advertising, bringing them some juicy gossip and fun facts surrounding this ever exciting market. Well, this week was upfronts week in Manhattan, and although some big networks decided not to hold traditional presentations, I still had my share of cocktails, parties and -of course- the always ultra chic, popular and star-studded People en Español Bellos bash.
Some highlights:
Still trying to figure out how to beat Univision in prime-time, Telemundo this week said it is working on a remake of El Clon, the successful Brazilian telenovela which it aired in 2002. Still my favorite upcoming project is Sin Tetas no Hay Paraíso, which NBC insists in translating as “Without Breasts There is no Paradise,” but from now on, I will call “No Tits No Glory.”
-Still trying to figure out how to continue its smashing ratings success among Hispanics, Univision said it is working on a revamped, reloaded, 360, all-new version of …. Sábado Gigante! Yep. The “new” sh
ow, coming to you this fall, is aptly named… El Nuevo Sábado Gigante… Qué más?
-And still trying to figure out what the hell is that it is supposed to do to compete with Univision and Telemundo, Azteca America decided not to hold an upfront this year. Instead, it opted for a series of client meetings around the country pitching its programming as proudly “Made in Mexico.” … Didn’t they proudly pitch a “Made in the U.S.” strategy last year? Ay caramba!
-MTVTr3s, for its part, couldn’t care less about Gigantic Saturdays or refried telenovelas. Instead, it rocked Tuesday night with an upfront presentation at Times Square’s B.B. King starring Don Omar sans Ms. Guerrido…
In the end, Univision managed to steal everybody’s thunder with a surprise -and very much appreciated- mini-concert by Shakira to close its presentation at Jazz Lincoln Center.
More to come… Stay tuned
Univision’s Chief Moonlights as a ‘Piragüero’
Joe Uva might not be fluent in Spanish (yet) but he certainly has a sense of humor and, unlike his predecessor, seems to enjoy the limelight and being onstage.
Joining the cast of In the Heights, Mr. Uva made his first appearance at the Univision upfront this week sporting a bata de piragüero and pitching -what else?- piragua sabor UVA.
(More upfront coverage to come… still trying to recover from all the partying work)
A Case of Product ‘Misplacement’
It is not news that Spanish-language television is plagued with product placement pitches and product endorsements by network talent. But here’s what can go wrong, very wrong, when you do so on live television and your main “pitch man” cannot tell the difference between Hellmann’s and McCormick.
Forget Novelas. The Erotic Network Lands in LatAm
And just when you thought Latin American television couldn’t get any better… The Erotic Network has announced the launch of three channels in our Roman, Catholic and Pope-loving countries: XTSY, Real y Juicy will be offered to cable subscribers on a pay-per-event basis, as well as broadband and VOD, according to TV Latina.
“We are very proud to be able to offer our new clients the opportunity to generate additional revenues in the region,” said Ken Boenish, president of The Erotic Networks.
Gee! don’t you wish you had this guy’s job?
‘La Fea’ Goes to China
Forget the Olympics! Another type of “world-class entertainment” is coming to China.
Mexico’s Grupo Televisa today began production of Chou Nu Wu Di, the Chinese version of La fea más bella, the telenovela it refried from Colombia’s Yo soy Betty la fea and gave birth to Ugly Betty.
According to Televisa, the drama could extend for as long as 400 episodes, and it has been “adapted to Chinese tastes” (?) to make sure its content doesn’t offend the locals.
(I certainly hope the $20 million investment will serve such a purpose, as I’m still very offended by the Mexican version.)
Univision’s ‘Jorge Ramos’ Makes it to SNL
You know Univision has made it to the big leagues when one of its main anchors is mocked at by the cast of Saturday Night Live. During a hilarious 6-minute spoof about the media’s obsession with Barack Obama, Jorge Ramos is actually introduced as Univision anchor and an official Obama stalker; someone who has a very unhealthy obsession with the Illinois Senator.
Senator Obama–Oh, my god! I’m so nervous. I still can’t believe I’m actually talking to you…OK: As you know, uh, Senator, as I explained in the letter that I duct-taped to your front door–and I’m sorry that it went on so long. I just, uh, I just really, really, really, really, really want you to be the next President. And not just because you’re a fantastic human being and the only person who can turn this nation around, but, you know, also because deep down I really and truly believe that it is destiny that you and I will one day be together. That you will become a part of me, and I a part of you. Joined as one.
The complete video can be seen here
Spanish-language TV Will Make your Kids Fat
At last! someone other than myself dared criticize Spanish-language television in the U.S. But not precisely for the content of its programs but the alarming amount of fast-food commercials that are contributing to the obesity epidemic among Hispanic.
After reviewing 60 hours of programming airing between 3 p.m. and 9 p.m. on Univision and Telemundo, researchers from the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center found the stations averaged two to three food commercials an hour, with one-third of them specifically targeted to children.
The study, published this week in the Journal of Pediatrics, also suggests that “to reduce the impact of food commercials, young children should be restricted to two hours or less per day of TV, and parent should talk to their children about healthy diet and food choices.”
(I might add parents will be well-advised to suggest their kids read a book or two. After all, holding something with both hands might keep them from sticking them in the cookie jar… or the Doritos bag.)
Latinos Display Beautiful Bodies to be on ‘People’
Ever wondered what it takes to become instantly popular? Check out People en Español‘s latest marketing stunt: an online, user-generated content page on Yahoo Telemundo, calling on young Hispanics to become the 51st most-beautiful person in America.
A few days before entries closed Feb. 3, more than 5,000 photos had been posted, sparking more than 34,000 comments, often extremely personal and ranging from snarky to gushing, wrote Laurel Wentz in Advertising Age.
Among hundreds of entries is that of Fernando Gonzalez, a “provocatively posed shirtless man” who has garnered over 4,400 comments. According to Mr. Gonzalez, he should be chosen as one of People en Español‘s most beautiful people because he has a very big… heart. Yeah. Right.
Others, like Maribel Nuñez, resort to a sexy, casual pose, which includes holding a cucumber and resting it over her right shoulder. (????!!)
I’m still not sure if Mr. Gonzalez or Ms. Nuñez will make the cut (the winner will be chosen Feb. 28) but they surely have given me some clothing / posing ideas to consider, and hopefully get at least two or three comments from my loyal lazy writers readers.
Dems Respond to Bush’s Address in Plain Spanish
Millions of viewers who tuned in to the Univision network to watch last night’s State of the Union address were not only treated with the first-ever State of the Union televised live entirely in Spanish, but also saw a radically different Democratic response to Bush’s last address to the nation.
Unlike what millions of Americans saw immediately after Bush’s address to the nation (the English-language response by Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius) Univision viewers got their very own respuesta, in Spanish, delivered by Mexican-American Leticia Van de Putte (pictured above) the Texas State Senator with a mildly unfortunate name. Just to clarify: while Mr. Bush’s speech was simultaneously translated into Spanish, Van de Putte’s response –which is already up in YouTube— was delivered in her almost-perfect Spanish.
In her response, Van de Putte termed seven years of Bush administration economic policy as a disaster (or shall I say desastre) for many Hispanics. “Latinos find themselves working more and more in our country today and taking home fewer wages,” she said.
Kudos to Univision for putting that together. And for those of you who don’t know, Van de Putte is the politician behind the 45-day walkout to New Mexico in 2003 and one of the few women lawmakers who last year supported a controversial plan to vaccinate young girls against a sexually transmitted virus. She has also (of course!) named Mexican-American woman / politician / person of the year by numerous Hispanic organizations nationwide. Go figure.
‘Unamundo’ Host Esteban Colberto Does Lou Dobbs
In case you missed this, Stephen Colbert this week incarnated Esteban Colberto, a Spanish-language speaking Latino of dubious origin. As host of Colberto Reporto Gigante, Colberto “sat down” with Lou Dobbs to talk about fences, corporate America and the war on the middle class, all in perfect Spanish.
The spoof was hilarious and very well-written (you can see it here) but my favorite part was the purple suit and, of course, the Latino chicas dancing around with the host. Any similarity to persons you see every night on Spanish-language television is purely coincidental.
And Now… Naked News en Español
Tired of all those news anchor muchachas at Univision, Telemundo and Azteca America who only show us cleavage and legs but nothing more?
Despair no more. The creators of Naked News, the Canadian broadcaster that features news presented by an anchor who gradually removes their clothing, is plunging into the multilingual arena, with upcoming shows in Spanish, Italian and Korean.
“Our intention at Naked News is to be a global media source, much like CNN or BBC World. We are looking forward to expanding into other languages as well, because there is definitely a market demanding our brand of infotainment,” Naked News founder David Warga said in a press release.
You go, Mr. Warga! finally we’ll get to see some real action in the otherwise dull news world.
El Chavo Makes Animated Debut… Sans Chilindrina
After what seemed like an endless wait, Univision has finally announced the Jan. 20 premiere of El Chavo del 8 animated series, the half hour series featuring -in cartoon form- all those friendly characters we, Mexicans, grew up with. But if you are a die-hard fan of El Chavo like myself, you will notice something odd in the following press statement:
Fans of the original series will be delighted to see the familiar characters that populate the neighborhood including: Quico, El Chavo’s best friend and frequent co-conspirator; Popis, the stuck-up little girl; Don Ramon, El Chavo’s perennial target of mischief and part-time father-figure; Doña Florinda, Quico’s mother; Professor Jirafales, her erstwhile suitor; Doña Clotilde, the neighborhood spinster; and Señor Barriga, the neighborhood landlord, among others.
What??? What about La Chilindrina? As it turns out La Chilindrina will be forever absent due to an ongoing dispute between María Antonieta de las Nieves and Roberto Gómez Bolaños on rights over the character. De las Nieves claims she should be entitled to monetary compensation if La Chilindrina (the character she brought to life in the television series) appears in the animated series. Roberto Gómez Bolaños claims that since he created the character, only he owns the rights to such character. This dispute still hasn’t been resolved, leaving us with an incomplete picture of the real vecindad.
All we can say about that is: Pi, pi, pi, pi, pi, pi, pi!
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