Fifteen years after being charged with “malicious wounding,” (i.e. cutting her husband’s penis with a 12-inch knife and throwing it into a field) former Mrs. Lorena Bobbitt (now Lorena Gallo) told Univision anchor Teresa Rodríguez about the hardships of starting all over again, and dealing with being the nation’s butt of the joke.

It seems that now -and unlike Mr. Jesse Jackson- Gallo is no longer interested in severing male genitalia. Instead, during Tuesday’s telecast of Aquí y Ahora, the new Lorena told Univision about the upcoming launch of Lorena’s Red Wagon, a non-profit foundation she founded to help women fight domestic violence… (by doing exactly what is not clear yet; we just hope it doesn’t involve knives.)

She also said she wants to do more than just giving people manicures and pedicures, so she is currently enrolled in school full time to become a professional hairdresser.

Mmmmm, would you trust this woman with scissors?

Meet the cast of Univision’s newest novela, Querida Enemiga, yet another Televisa refried production, starring Mexico’s 0.009% blond population.

But don’t be fooled by these people’s looks. Their lives are real complex and must undergo a series of tough obstacles to find happiness. Check it out:

Lorena and Sara were raised together in an orphanage, and even though they have totally different personalities, they love each other as sisters. Lorena’s greatest wish is to become a chef, and so, one day she says goodbye to the nuns that raised her and leaves to study cuisine in Mexico City. That same day, the Mother Superior discovers that Sara has stolen all the funds of the orphanage. When she confronts Sara, she suffers a heart attack and dies. Sara runs with her lover and accomplice Chalo, the driver of the orphanage. To erase all trace of her presence, she steals her file and Lorena’s. When she reads them, she learns that she was found in the garbage dump, but Lorena was abandoned in the orphanage without explanation by her grandmother, the millionaire Hortensia Armendariz. Sara’s first impulse is to find Lorena and help her confront her grandmother and demand her rights, but then she reconsiders her options and decides to usurp her place in the Armendariz gastronomic empire.”

Man! This plot is making me hungry, and depressed.