Your one-stop shop for all things Latin/Hispanic/Mexican
The Los Angeles Times is reporting that two ‘Big Foot’ hunters found in Georgia the body of a creature they say is the “great hairy one.”
Let me tell you something about ‘Big Foot.” He is not in Georgia, but hiding somewhere in the Guatemalan jungle. And these pictures -taken by yours truly- are evidence of this.
Is that a Big Foot or what?
Here is a piece of advice: If you are growing old, suffer from depression, emotional distress and overall life has treated you badly… do not go to Puebla.
That is what a group of animal rights activists are trying to say in the saga surrounding Jenny, the “aging and emotionally troubled pachyderm,” who is scheduled to travel to Mexico’s pathetic mini-version of the African jungle, the Africam Safari.
The debate goes on, but those worried about Jenny’s Mexican fate, should be worried sick about a potentially more dangerous, unforeseen event: Should Jenny were to follow the steps of thousands of Puebla residents, we will soon have her roaming the streets of New York City.
Now, that’s a jungle you want her to avoid.
I love the defenders of animal’s rights, mostly because while everybody is discussing a bunch of boring stuff, they’re putting their marketing minds at work. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) this week presented an unusual marketing pitch to the U.S. government: Rent us space on the fence for billboards warning illegal border crossers there is more to fear than the Border Patrol.
The message -in English and Spanish- reads:
“If the Border Patrol Doesn’t Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan.”
Why didn’t I ever look at it this way? This is the perfect pitch, on the perfect spot, and right on target: Why risk your life to come here, the cradle of the McSkillet, and leave behind a healthy life of tortillas, beans, rice, tomatillo and cilantro? It just doesn’t make sense!
And while we’re on the subject of vegan stuff, I may add something about avoiding polleros, but I guess they already thought of that.
The supposedly provocative book about Obama’s true religious upbringing is now available for all my hermanos en español. The Spanish-language translation comes courtesy of Grupo Nelson, which has also brought us several bible-related books and even a CD/DVD biography of Julissa.
In case you were wondering, the book’s point in Spanish is -not surprisingly- the exact same as its English-language counterpart: Barack Obama is NOT a Muslim (despite all you’ve heard and seen on Fox News.)
Oh, and it is endorsed by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who tampoco is a Muslim.
This blog is going on vacation (yes, again!) for a little while. But because these days are all about China, (and the Latino market) I am pleased to leave you with- Chung Li, a.k.a. El Chino Latino, who is -in his own words- más sexy que Bruce Lee and eats his mondongo with chopsticks. Papito!
Barely three weeks after we were told Cristina Saralegui was chosen among a group of Latino celebrities to take part in M&M’s “Inner M” advertising campaign, we find out that Univision’s long-time hostess is now advising Latinos to drink Nestle’s Pure Life bottled water.
“I want to educate Latino moms about the importance of teaching their children healthy habits that will last them a lifetime,” said Saralegui in a press release.
Since Nestle’s campaign is dubbed Vive Sanamente (or Live Healthy,) we can only assume it’s OK for you to stuff yourself with M&M’s, so long as you wash them down with Pure Life bottled water.
A brilliant marketing coup; though if you asked me, I would have rather picked Don Francisco for the water campaign. If one million years on Hispanic TV looking sort of the same (save the dyed hair) are not testament of Pure Life, I don’t know what is.
Are you a Náhuatl-speaker but feel the media is not providing you with the appropriate Olympic coverage in the language of your choice?
Worry no more: Starting Aug. 8 you will be able to read all about the Games in the 100 frases básicas del chino para los Juegos Olímpicos de Beijín 2008, a 100-page manual translating some of the world’s most popular sports into the pre-Hispanic language. This is, of course, for those who didn’t know that Tlapechmacuauhtapayolhuiliztli is Náhuatl for ping-pong.
Other useful things to remember:
Boxing=Ma’ixnamiquiliztli
Cycling=Omalacapainaliztli
Gymnastics: Tonacayomoliniliztli
Alas, the manual was not the work of Mexicans, but according to BBC Mundo, it is the brainchild of Dutch professor Rudolf van Zantwijk.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, we will work hard to bring home at least one gold medal, or Cozticteocuitlamachiopilcac.
…and that he is totally obsessed with Obama.
…Oh, and by the way: Can somebody tell McCain that “El mundo de acuerdo a Barack Obama” is an AWFUL, literal translation of what -we think- he means, “El mundo según Barack Obama”? Please, please, tell us he is not that bad!
Now that the U.S. government says it found the real source of salmonella (yes, again), this time in Mexican Serrano peppers, I decided to compile a list of extremely dangerous Mexican things you’d better stay away from if you seriously care for your life health.
In addition to tomatoes, jalapeños, avocados and chiles serranos, Please stay away from the following:
–Tacos *
–Cancún
–Sombreros
–Piñatas
–Wrestling matches
–Your abuela
–Chaparritas El Naranjo
–Pulparindos and Pelón Pelo Ricos
–Christian Castro concerts (It hasn’t yet been proven if these can give you salmonella, but they will certainly make you sick.)
*Taco Bell is OK (These are not real Mexican tacos and, according to the Mayor of Oklahoma City, they can even help you lose wait. The same applies to other fake Mexican things, including McSkillet burritos, Bud Micheladas, salsa picante Chi-chis, Chipotle wraps, etc.)
Say adieu to mean anti-immigration rhetoric.
U.S. government officials are ready to implement “Operation Scheduled Departure,” a program set to debut August 5 that will allow illegal immigrants to turn themselves in for deportation without the threat of going to jail. Or, as home security official Julie Myers told the Univision network:
“The program would permit those who want to self-deport to do so in an organized manner.”
Organized? mmmm I guess this means immigrants will be given plenty of time to close their bank accounts, collect their 401Ks and social security checks, undergo a thorough medical check-up, cancel their gym membership and even going on a last-minute shopping spree.
Aren’t immigration officials a sweet bunch?
Call me crazy, but I think something is very wrong with the Mayor of Oklahoma City.
In an effort to reward citizens who lose weight under the city’s OKC Million massive diet plan, the Mayor is offering dieters a free Taco Bell Fresco taco (whatever that is -and hopefully not the one pictured above.)
“Oklahoma City residents who have combined to lose more than 100,000 pounds are getting a reward… Taco Bell is giving away free tacos from its Fresco Menu on Tuesday,” according to Reuters.
Not believing my eyes, I rushed to Oklahoma City’s OKC Million Web site to see if Reuters had somehow messed up. Alas, not only the story is accurate but both the diet program and its dedicated Web site are actually sponsored by Taco Bell.
Ay, Chihuahua!
Hispanic marketing is a wonderful thing.
Wordlock(R) Inc., a company you’ve never heard of, this week announced the launch of a “culturally relevant” lock; one that embraces “cultural diversity” by introducing the industry’s first combination Spanish-language padlock.
Instead of using ABCDEF etc., the new combination uses … mmm ABCDEF (pronounce these with a Spanish accent), simply because Hispanics have a tremendous purchasing power and therefore we must cater to them! Here’s the the pitch in their own words:
And that is because Luisa, in English, is so very different from Luisa in Spanish. See? You gotta understand the difference. Otherwise, you’re just an insensitive, narrow-minded marketer.
Shame on you!
Well, I guess it’s all water under the bridge now. Not only the King of Spain this week received Hugo Chávez at the Royal Family’s summer retreat in Mallorca, but he was witty enough to give him a “¿Por qué no te callas?” T-Shirt.
“We caused a furor with that event. [the T-shirt] is a good souvenir, to laugh at for the rest of our lives every time we see it,” Chávez said.
Isn’t politics just great?
Translation: “I am Little Red Riding Hood, and I’m off to see my granny. I will buy her a hamburger; I will bring her to Burger Boy.”
(Who the heck is the man in the cape, anyway?)
Hat tip to Ricardo, a loyal reader of this blog, for finding and forwarding this.
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