Today in Surreal Mexico: Social Distancing at the Combi Stop

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I had promised myself to stop blogging about coronavirus, mostly because I live in New York City and everything is terrible and I keep having anxiety attacks over the whole thing. But then I’ve been facetiming, skype-ing and zooming a lot lately with family and friends in Mexico who send me the funniest memes, videos and jokes about the pandemia and then I smile again.

However, no meme or joke would ever come close to my country’s daily life struggles as the crisis intensifies, and the Mexican government plays catch up with the rest of the world in setting up guidelines and policies to contain the virus.

Take the above “heroes” on a colectivo stop, keeping a healthy distance in line just to end up all crammed up inside… of course, because Mexico.

Filing this under #SurrealMexico and #SusanaDistancia.

Photo via Reddit México

Baby Tiger Born in Veracruz Named Covid, Because Mexico

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Covid was born March 14 in Córdoba and he’s truly adorbs

Today, in the always popular section “Mexico in the time of coronavirus,” I give you Covid, a baby Bengal tiger born March 14 in a small zoo in Córdoba, Veracruz.

“Covid was born to an 8-year-old tigress that had been in a circus and was nursed back to health after needing an operation for a hip fracture,” zoo owner Gonzalo Rodriguez told Reuters.

So now you know it, my people not only make fun of death and calamities; we embrace them all the way.

Welcome to the world, sweet Covid…

Via: New York Post

Inspired by Mexico, a Chicago Bakery Is Now Making its Own Conchavirus

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They look more like happy frogs, but it’s the intention that counts, right?

Well, that didn’t take long.

Barely a couple of days after this VERY INFLUENTIAL BLOG first reported on the Iztapalapa conchavirus, a small bakery in Chicago is now making their own version.

“We wanted to turn a negative into a positive one by creating my very own conchavirus,” Eddie Vázquez, executive pastry chef and owner at Rosy’s Bakery, told ABC News Chicago.

Fortunately for Mr. Vázquez, Chicagoans are so excited about they’re placing their orders by the dozen, and I still don’t know how they get the courage to go out, but that’s another story…

It’s not a secret that 2020 sucks, but –heck– it has been a good year for conchas.

Quintana Roo’s Police Force Is Ready to Fight Coronavirus … to the Tune of ‘Mariachi Loco’

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The Mexican police force in Quintana Roo (yes, that’s the state where Cancún is located) has come with an awesome PSA to let the community know that the deadly coronavirus is not going to get them.

Watch as police men and women dance to the tune of the Mariachi loco song and simple but catchy lyrics that go sort of like this:

The coronavirus wants to arrive…

The coronavirus wants to arrive….

But it will have to face the cops

I’d like to inform everyone,

That Quintana Roo will not be infected and we’ll do awawy with this virus

OK that sounds boring if you read it, but the actual video is deliciously fun!

Take it away, mariachi loco!

 

 

Mexican Bakery Introduces the Conchavirus, because Mexico

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From Iztapalapa to the world…

Speaking of Mexico and the seriousness of COVID-19, a bakery in Iztapalapa, Mexico has come up with a coronavirus-like sweet bread, which they’re calling –what else?– the conchavirus. According to a very reliable source (i.e. a commenter on my Instagram feed) the genius behind this thing is Panificadora Juanito, a 30-year-old establishment which prides itself of using all natural ingredients.

Oh, did I mention the conchavirus is only $6.50 pesos? That’s… practically USD 25 cents.

Filing under “Mexicans: How can anyone not like us?”

Hat tip: @DatBoopGirl

Tortillas, Toilet Paper and the Importance of the Simple Things

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My local deli recently ran out of toilet paper, but it stocks plenty of these. So, we’re good…

I spent a good part of Tuesday, March 17 looking for toilet paper in my neighborhood –to no avail. Somehow, the coronavirus crisis has turned people in some sort of toilet paper-hoarding zombies, emptying the shelves at supermarkets, bodegas and pharmacies.

The craziness is not limited to New York City or even the US: My brother sent me a photo (below) from a Mexico City supermarket, showing people doing exactly the same thing: Hoarding toilet-paper –except supplies seem to be abundant down there (at least for now.)

What’s with toilet paper?

I tried again one day later and this time my local bodega (PapaSito) proudly advertised that toilet paper was back, so I went in (naturally). Several rolls of toilet paper wrapped individually sat at the top of a very tall counter, one I couldn’t reach, so I asked a fellow Mexican who works there for help. Our conversation went something like this:

–Can you please pass me four of those? –I asked.

-Four? Only four? –said the man almost incredulous. –Why don’t you take more? People are coming in and getting 15-30 rolls at once…

-Because… I’m not deranged? –I replied.

My paisano cracked up upon hearing that, and then noticed I had also bought a few packs of corn tortillas.

–Well, I’d be damned if we were to run out of those! –He said pointing at my packs of Poblanitas.

I walked away thinking he was absolutely right and was happy to get back to my quarantine (not before I stopped for some other basic goods.)

It’s the Census 2020 – and I Still Don’t Know What Race I Am 🤷🏻‍♀️

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My U.S. Census 2020 questionnaire is here and while I’m all game and ready to fill out and submit this thing, I will forever be puzzled by the “race” question.

See, when you reach the the “race question” while filling out the 2020 U.S. Census, you’ll get options within five racial categories (see photo below:)

  • White
  • Black or African-American
  • American Indian or Alaska Native
  • Asian
  • Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander.

This, of course, leaves this café con leche, whitish Mexican blogger born in Mexico practically in limbo, since I’m supposed to select “white” or “some other race” to comply and be able to go to the next window. (And I’m not alone: Remember this Puerto Rican dude during the 2010 Census who was pissed (with reason) and refused to fill out his Census form, because “Hispanic” was not an option under the Race box?)

Also missing in this section are people from the Middle East and North Africa, which I suppose are supposed to do the same: Select “white” or “some other race,” which I think will make it harder to locate where there is need for local bilingual services in schools or during elections, to name a few things.

I’m personally offended because “Human” is not an option under race, so I decided to use the “Some other race –print race” space to spell out N.P.I. (Ni Pinche Idea.)

Hispanics and people from the Middle East or North Africa, back in limbo…

This Fine Restaurant in Arizona Might Want to Consider a Name Change

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Good luck marketing this thing to Spanish speakers…

Shopping for a wedding venue in Arizona?

Well, there’s this fine place at the base of Camelback Mountain offering “breathtaking views, impeccable service and an unforgettable experience,” –and judging from the pictures found on their Website, it looks like it delivers on its promise.

However, you might want to consider not inviting any Spanish-speaking friends (especially Mexicans) to your event, unless you want them to spend their time cracking up jokes behind your back or simply avoiding the food in fear of catching this dreadful malady.

The Coronavirus Cumbia is Here –and it’s Infectious as Hell 💃🏽

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Iván Montemayor (aka Míster Cumbia) wants you to dance to the tune of SARS-CoV-2.

A cluster of respiratory illness, originating in the Chinese province of Hubei in December of 2019, has health officials on high alert around the world. The cause is now known to be a new coronavirus that has proven to be particularly infectious and has already claimed about 3,000 lives in a few months.

While Latin America had been free of the virus for some time, the first Mexican case was confirmed on Friday, Feb. 28, 2020 coincidentally as this blogger arrived in CDMX for a quick family trip.

Mexicans in Mexico responded swiftly to the threat by –what else?– posting tons of memes while on this side of the border, Mr. Iván Montemayor (aka Míster Cumbia) composed an infectiously melodious cumbia, which is not only perfect for dancing but it’s also … educational. “Wash your hands; take care; prevention is key, etc.”

🎶 Coronavirus, coronavirus, lávense las manos, hágalo seguido… coronavirus, coronavirus, pónganse las pilas en lugares concurridos. 🎶

Here it is. Get up and dance, pues!

 

Bagel Shop Launches ‘Bagelrito,’ Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

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Starting Thursday, Feb. 27 and until the deadly coronavirus takes us all (hopefully soon) Einstein Bros. Bagels will start selling the Bagelrito, a “big, bold, and easy to hold” bagel/burrito mash-up that looks as disgusting as it sounds.

The company claims this thing was a smashing success in Denver, CO test markets –for some reason, but this blogger is looking forward to never having to see this thing ever again. Ever.

Netflix Preps Series about Rich, Scandinavian-Looking Mexican Moms

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And just when you thought you had seen enough Scandinavian-looking people on Mexican television, Netflix has announced a long list of upcoming films and TV series that will be proudly made in Mexico.

Among the new series there’s Madre solo hay dos, a 10-episode series, that tells the story of “two very different women who come to face with each other uppon finding out their babies were accidentally exchanged at birth.” And –as one would imagine– the protagonists (Ludwika Paleta and Paulina Goto) have to be very blond and fair-skinned because that’s the only way a mostly indigenous, “brown country” would mess up such a situation, right?

Via: CNET en Español