Mattel Preps a ‘Barbie Día de Muertos,’ Because Mexican Barbie and Barbie Frida Kahlo Weren’t Enough

Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some gringos dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Anyhow, in a move that I can only interpret as spite –and to mess up with me and my fellow Mexicans– Mattel on Tuesday announced the upcoming launch of a Day of the Dead-themed Barbie to be called –what else?– Barbie Día de Muertos. Duh.

According to an unnecessarily long press release: Barbie Día de Muertos will feature a “long, embroidered dress decorated with flowers and butterflies. The final touch is completed by a crown with the iconic monarch butterflies and the cempasúchitl flower to honor, in every way, the symbols and offerings of this emblematic Mexican tradition.”

And I thought Barbie Frida Kahlo was pathetic. Now if you excuse me, I’m off to find a non-pumpkin-spiced triple shot of mezcal or something.

[SIGH]

Via: Yahoo News

Eva Longoria to Direct Movie about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Yay!

Spicy snacks and Latinos in Hollywood? Count me in!

Eva Longoria (aka this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) has landed the directing gig of movie about Richard Montanez, none other than the creator of the spicy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos snack.

The Fox Searchlight biopic will tell the story of Montanez as he went from working as a janitor at Frito-Lay to achieve the American Dream (namely, to create a very spicy botana for the hungry masses.)

According to press reports, Montanez’ spicy creation was reportedly “inspired by the flavors of his community, helped revitalize the company and disrupted the food industry, creating a pop culture phenomenon that continues today.” Because, if there’s something Latinos (especially Mexicans) are good at is at spicing up the lives of others.

Say what you will about Mrs. Longoria or Cheetos. I’m all up for spicy and more Latinos (retroacculturated or not) in Hollywood.

Via: CNN

Being Hispanic in America Used to Be Challenging; Now It’s Outright Dangerous 😱

I’m not going to lie: These days –after many, many years living on this side of the border– I’ve become increasingly uneasy about doing things that I normally would do in public: Speak Spanish, wear hoop earrings, say outloud I’m Mexican a mucha honra, etc. etc.

The reason? As I keep saying on Twitter, being a minority in America used to be difficult, yes, but now it’s just plain dangerous.

Barely days after an anti-Mexican nutcase shot dozens of people in a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, many of them fatally, another member of the “I Am a White Dude Who Hates Hispanics” clan was arrested after making a series of social media threats against Hispanics in the Miami area.

According to multiple press reports, Eric Lin, a Maryland native, sent a bunch of threatening messages on Facebook professing his nazi beliefs, and vowing to exterminate the entire “Latin Race” [sic] which he also referred to as “rabid dogs.”

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Lin then went on to praise the “great president” of this nation, who as we all know kicked off his presidential campaign by calling us criminals, drug-dealers and rapists.

Coincidence? Ummmmmm….

Thanos Twerks around Tacos and Tortas in the World’s Most Amazing Commercial

A restaurant in Boca del Río, Veracruz has found a winning combination to sell its products: Footage from Avengers: Infinity War, tacos, tortas and a super fun evil Thanos that twerks to show his penchant for Mexican food.

A commercial posted on the Facebook account of Takesabroso, shows Thanos delivering his now-famed deadly snap as he dissolves half of life on Earth. But instead of retreating to a quiet life until the Avengers come back seeking revenge, he is inspired to twerk around delicous tacos and tortas.

Watch the original tweet where this appears before Marvel’s lawyers get on this…

Via: TaKeSabroso

The World’s Best Salsas also Boast the World’s Best Name

Filing under ‘Mexicans: How can anyone not like us?’

Mexican meat market Super Carnicería la 18 in Tamaulipas claims to serve The World’s Best Salsas, a claim this blogger is not able to independently corroborate. However, one thing is undisputable: The Madafaker Salsa Verde and The Sanababish Salsa Roja have the World’s Best Name Ever. Ever.

Hat tip: Salsa correspondent –and friend of Roberto Carlos– @LeChanclé

‘Fresh Mexican Waters Any Flavor?’… Yeah, Mexicans Will Understand…

After all these years in “America” I still haven’t found an accurate way to translate “aguas mexicanas” into English. Some would say “juice” (no, they’re not really juices) while others insist on “ice-tea”. Nope. Tampoco.

Google Translate, of course, doesn’t help either, so I think my paisanos in this Harlem deli are right: Aguas frescas mexicanas has got to be “Fresh Mexican Waters.”

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2019

Tiny Mexican Hitting an ICE Piñata Is Truly Therapeutic

Say what you will about my people (i.e. The Mexicans) but they truly know how to let off some steam without being, like, super violent.

Take this children’s party in Chicago, where tiny, adorable children (like this cutie in a Peppa the Pig shirt) are seing hitting an ICE piñata and throwing balls into a painted image of President Trump.

A video circulating around social media is stirring some controversy among “certain sectors” (presumably non-Mexican sectors.)

As for this blogger, I have only one thing to say: ¡Dale, dale, dale, no pierdas el tino, porque si lo pierdes, pierdes el camino!

Via: ABC 13

Portland Is Hosting a Topless Taco Festival, Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

Have you always wanted to eat tacos and burritos while naked? Here’s your chance!

In an effort to raise funds –and awareness– around breast cancer, Portland is hosting a… Topless Taco Festival where visitors are encouraged to come topless for the tacos and booty short-clad for the burritos.

And no, unfortunately this is not some sort of joke or fake news, but an actual event that is scheduled to take place in Portland on August 17. Why? Because apparently nothing says fight cancer like being naked while eating tacos.

Filing under ONLY IN AMERICA and STUPID PROPOSITIONS.

Via: Facebook

At Last, the Complete Set of Mexican Emojis in One Image

MEXICANEMOJIS

I’m almost certain that the readers of this blog will be able to identify all of these (otherwise, shame on you!). Needless to say, this blogger’s favorites are El subcomandante, the torta and the trompo al pastor.

Still, hit me with questions (i.e. leave a comment below) if:

1) You fail to identify all of these

2) You think there are some missing

Happy World Emoji Day y’all!

Hat tip: @RomiGoma

Still Can’t Cut a Damn Avocado? The Flexicado is Here to Help

Undeterred by the imminent danger posed by life-threatening avocados, non-Mexican hipsters simply refuse to give up their fascination with avo-toast (i.e. pan con aguacate) and other nonsensical avo-related things. So, they have come up with a solution…

I give you the Flexicado, an “avocado slicer” that will fit all sizes of avocados and –hopefully– will put an end to avocado-related injuries.

Filing this under #PinchesHipsters

Hat tip: San Francisco avocado correspondent Jessica Dolcourt

There’s a Taco Bell Hotel in the Works and I Can’t Even

Not content with giving the mighty taco a VERY BAD NAME, Taco Bell is close to opening The Bell, a Taco Bell-themed pop-up hotel, which has some people really excited –for some reason.

According to an inexplicably long news article about this thing:

At 10am PT on June 27 you will be able to book your stay at The Bell. The first check-ins for the four-day pop-up begin on August 8. There’s no minimum stay, so you can even just pop in for a single evening.

Activities will include the brand’s Freeze Lounge, live performances from artists and –wait for it– a salon offering taco-inspired nail art.

Send in the nukes. I’m ready….

Via: Desert Sun