Budweiser Introduces the Peach-A-Rita, because Lime-A-Ritas and Straw-Ber-Ritas are not Ludicrous Enough

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Person I’ve never heard of Jessie James Decker is the face of Budweiser’s Peach-A-Rita

Oh, no… Budweiser has done it — again.

Not content with having launched a bunch of nonsensical drinks, including the Lime-A-Rita and the Straw-ber-Rita, the “beer” maker has partnered with country singer and clothing designer (aka A Famous Person I’ve Never Heard Of) Jessie James Decker to promote a new, seasonal flavor: Peach-A-Rita.

I have no idea what any of this means, but Decker told AOL.com (which apparently still exists) that Peach-A-Rita “is the perfect drink for the upcoming summer months.” How perfect? Well…

Peach-A-Rita fits my lifestyle […] It’s so easy, I’m always on the go so whenever I have a girls night or get together it’s super easy just to pull it out. No blender required.

Okay, whatevs, Jessie; have fun out there and Happy Cinco de Mayo to you!

Via: AOL.com

Univision Preps Series about El Chapo, Because Drug Lords Bring Good Ratings

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Marco de la O is ‘El Chapo’ in Univision upcoming series

It is not a secret that Univision ratings are tanking, and its telenovelas are no longer as popular as they once were. So the gigantic, media company is trying something a bit more risqué: A dramatic series about — what else? — El Chapo, Mexico’s most notorious drug lord, currently serving time (and learning English) in a Brooklyn prison.

The role of El Chapo will be played by Marco de la O, an actor this blogger had never heard of before and one that looks a bit more like a mustachioed version of Jim Carrey, if you asked me.

But I digress. The upcoming series is only the latest example of Hispanic television’s obsession with Latin American drug lords, which might be a pest to society, but provide TV outlets with sweet, coveted ratings.

El Chapo will premiere in the U.S. on Univision on April 23 and this blogger will be watching — of course.

Via: Univision

 

¡Pum, pum! NRA Enlists Venezuelan Former Olympic Shooter, so Hispanics Can Love Guns, Too

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The huge power of my people (i.e. “The Hispanics”) is not lost on the National Rifle Association (NRA,) which has enlisted a Venezuelan gun enthusiast as part of its national ad campaign: Freedom Safest Place.

In one commercial, former Olympic pistol-shooter Gabby Franco says: “The government took our guns…the biggest mistake Venezuelans made was believing that this would never happen.” And by “this” she means that as a result Venezuela is suffering record violence under criminals who now outgun unarmed citizens.

According to Fox News Latino, while the NRA will not publicly say it is trying to woo Hispanics, experts say “the NRA views the minority group as a potent force to try and grow its aging membership.”

So… ¡Ajúa!…. ¡Pum, pum! ¡Freedom!

WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT

Via: Fox News Latino

Mexican Activists Address Subway Harassment by Crafting an Anatomically Explicit Seat

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Would men seat on this thing?

I grew up in Mexico City, and there were few things that terrified me more than travelling alone in the subway. And not because I ran the risk of being mugged (I barely carried any money or valuables with me) but because the men could not seem to keep their hands in place. The situation was so bad, that the joke among us, females, was that the Mexico City subway was the only place where you could get a pap-smear fast and completely free (ha ha… NOT.)

But I digress. The point is that a group of Mexican activists have decided to address harassment in the subway with an unusual campaign that consists on outfitting a subway car with nude male torso — and prominent genitalia where riders would sit. A plaque on the floor in front of said seat reads:

“It’s uncomfortable to sit here but not as uncomfortable as the sexual violence women suffer every day in their commute.”

Activists then recorded men’s startled reactions, especially after sitting down. A YouTube video has has now almost 1.5 million views to date.

I’m really digging this idea, but will it really change minds? I can only hope so.

JUST WATCH

Via: NPR

The Hispanic trailer of ‘The Boss Baby’ Features a Song about Mexico’s Most Notorious Drug Lord

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‘Soy el Jefe de Jefe, señores’

You guys know I’m a sucker for Los Tigres del Norte, literally one of my top 5 favorite bands in the whole wide world. But… using a corrido about a notorious Mexican drug dealer (wink, wink) is just weird.

Yes, sir. The “Hispanic trailer” of the upcoming Dreamworks movie features none other than El Jefe de Jefes, one of Los Tigres’ most famous songs and one that is basically an ode to a notorious drug lord.

I can only imagine the following scene at the marketing department of either the production company or their advertising agency:

Marketing person # 1: Let’s make this trailer “Hispanic”

Marketing person # 2: Great idea. Let’s call Juan; Juan speaks Spanish. Juan, can you think of a song about .. a boss?

Juan: Yes! El Jefe de Jefes!

¡Ajúa!

Someone at Dreamworks is going to have to do a lot of explaining to their non-baby boss.

This Mexican Cemetery Was Used to Make Porn Movies, Because Mexico

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Porn actress Janeth Rubio took to Twitter to show off the awesome location of her most recent film

I bet you’ve never heard of Mezquitán, Jalisco, but that’s OK, because there’s nothing really going on there… Until this week, when a local porn actress informed us that she had been filming her latest feature film at the neighborhood’s local cemetery.

“Where do you think I just shot a scene?,” Janeth Rubio asked her Twitter followers. The answer: A selfie and several other pics showing Rubio at the Mezquitán Municipal Cemetery.

Local authorities said they have opened an investigation and promise to punish the perpetrators and all that. But this blogger would like to plead with them and show some mercy to this young creators. After all, I bet that is the most exciting thing that has happened in Mezquitán in, like, forever.

So, give these people a break, will ya?

Via: Excélsior

U.S. Post Office Debuts Stamps Featuring Tamales, Sancocho and other Hispanic Delicacies

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The stamps have been designed by artist John Parra

Yo, immigrant haters: I have real bad news for you.

The U.S. Postal Service has confirmed the issuance of a new series of stamps dedicated “to the influence of Central and South American, Mexican and Caribbean foods and flavors on American cuisine,” because, really, if it weren’t for my people (i.e. the Hispanics) you guys would be stuck eating hamburgers and Taco Bell “food.”

So get ready for a smörgåsbord of tamales, flan, empanadas, chiles rellenos, ceviche and sancocho and start licking these suckers!

Via: The Associated Press

Mexico Creates ‘Tequila Cloud’ to Attract German Tourists. Yep.

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This cloud rains tequila, so that more Germans can visit Mexico (or something)

I’m way too busy this week with so-called “real work,” but I just needed to let everybody know that the Mexican government has launched a new tourism campaign that involves a cloud that rains not water but … tequila.

Sí, señor. The campaign — crafted by Lapiz and first demonstrated at a special art exhibit in Berlin — used “ultrasonic humidifiers to vibrate tequila at a frequency that actually turned it into visible mist.” This mist is then condensed into liquid form, which falls as raindrops and basically means you can get your caballito ready, put it under the cloud and drink like there is no mañana. ¡Prost!

The reason behind all this, says the Mexican government, is simple: To tempt rain-soaked Germans to visit sunny Mexico in the dead of winter.

Go figure.

Via: LeoBurnett

El Chapo Is Learning English, and I Have a Few Tips for Him

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As you probably know by now, Mexico’s most notorious Bad Hombre, Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, is finally serving time on this side of the border, more specifically in a New York City prison that has been described as Brooklyn’s Abu Ghraib.

But if you were the least worried about him, you should know that he’s not only doing well, but, according to Univision, he has even taken up English lessons.

I’m not even sure why anybody living in New York City needs to learn English (last time I checked, everyone around me was Mexican and everything was in damn Spanish!) Besides, I bet his captors/teachers are not precisely Shakespeare scholars, so if my paisano is really serious about this thing, there are a few methods that might help, including the lotería one or this other one by Unforgettable Languages.

However, if everything fails, this blogger would be happy to jump on the subway and personally bring him some additional reading material, starting — perhaps – with my favorite one. 👇🏽

You never know when you’re going to need the extra help, right?

No, Twitter, I Don’t Think the ‘Enchilada Bake’ Is a Good Idea

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I cannot unsee this thing!
Someone really wants me to shut down my Twitter account.

For reasons I have yet to understand, my “tailor-made,” “just-for-me” sponsored posts on Twitter have become an endless stream of disgusting “Mexican” concoctions. The latest comes courtesy of SmartMade, a company that prides itself on selling “delicious and nutritional frozen meals inspired by the quality ingredients and smart cooking techniques you use at home.”

I don’t know about you, but there is nothing smart in the so-called Bake Enchilada, a “meal” made of a “soft corn tortilla topped with black beans, roasted corn, red peppers and tomatoes lightly tossed in an enchilada sauce and topped with Monterey jack cheese.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the Mexican style pulled pork…

So, there’s that, Twitter, not only I will not be clicking on that thing. I think an apology might be in order.

USA vs. Mexico: Who Is Sending their ‘Best’ elsewhere?

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Spring breakers chant ‘Build the Wall’ in Mexico

So much for the Mexican “journalist” who stole Tom Brady’s jersey, got caught and embarrassed an entire nation (this blogger included.)

I would like to turn our attention to this group of young Americans who went to Cancún, got drunk and yelled Build-The-Wall!, Build the Wall! repeatedly… while in — well — Mexico.*

OK, I get your rage, but before you go and vow to kill them all, I’d like for all of us to take a moment and realize that both — Mexico and the U.S. — have our share of morons, starting with the ones leading our respective nations, so really, can anyone blame us for being so obtuse?

I get the rage about the spring breakers, really, but before you go all crazy about them, go read this; then remember the 43 of Ayotzinapa; the blatant violations of human rights in Mexico and the dozens of filthy rich politicians who have vanished in thin air…. Then take a deep breath and maybe you’ll understand. We are all fucked, no matter which side of the border we live in.

Shame on us, really. All of us.

*OK, this happened in Cancún, which is arguably not Mexico anymore, but still…  

Via: SFGate.com

‘Beauty and the Beast’ Mariachi Version, Because Why Not?

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La bella y la bestia con trenzas y trompetas
It was bound to happen.

A mariachi version remake of the famous ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast quickly became a viral hit, because apparently there is nothing Hispanics love more than seeing their favorite mainstream characters recreated á la mexicana.

The video was first posted by Mitu:

Via: CNET en Español