Disney Wants Quinceañeras to Display ‘Grace and Poise’ While Wearing This Thing

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Disney, the company that thinks Latino families dance cumbia while at an amusement park, this week unveiled the Disney Royal Ball collection, “the first ever line of Quinceañera gowns inspired by the inner qualities, personalities and stories of the Disney Princess characters.”

According to Gilberto Martinez Kladt, the VP of licensing of Disney Princess, and not related to this blogger:

Disney is thrilled to provide young Latinas with the opportunity to celebrate the elegance, grace and poise of their favorite Disney Princess characters on such a special and momentous day.

I’m not sure how much grace and/or poise you can display strutting around in these things; but then again, I am a little past my quinceañera, and for sure cannot afford these graceful dresses, which range between $530-$999. I guess I’ll have to find a way to display elegance, grace and poise in jeans and a pair of huaraches.

Univision CEO Asks Adorable Non-Hispanic Kids What’s Better

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Univision’s upfront presentation Tuesday in New York City included some surprises and lots of more-of-the-same programming announcements.

There were some humorous moments, though, including a collective seizure (i.e. Harlem Shake) performed by Steve Mandala and his top sales team. However, this blogger’s favorite moment has got to be this AT&T spoof spot in which Univision CEO Randy Falco asks four adorable, non-Hispanic children what’s better, more or less?.

Watch it here:

NBCU Hijacked Univision’s Upfront with a Van Full of Data

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This blogger is so tired from all this partying busy this week, that a proper upfront round-up will not come until the weekend (sit tight.) However, I thought you’d like to know that barely minutes after Univision wrapped its upfront presentation under the theme “One for all,” NBCU found it amusing to park a van right outside Univision’s party venue using the exact same tagline but touting NBCU, not Univision, as the company that reaches 90% of all Hispanics.

NBCU does indeed reach a large percentage of Hispanics as it owns not only a bunch of English-language networks that are popular among Latinos, but also mun2 and Telemundo.

The stunt was the most talked about subject during both, Univision’s and Telemundo’s parties, during which this blogger drank only cranberry juice and an occasional glass of water.

Photo: Mediamoves

Before ‘Space Oddity,’ Chris Hadfield Showed us Why Tortillas are Better than Bread in Space

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Floating tortilla

It seems to me that everyone and their mother tonight are talking about the amazing ‘Space Oddity’ cover by Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield. So I won’t bother you guys with it.

However, much more relevant to this blog is Hadfield’s comprehensive explanation of why tortillas are better than bread in space… (and everywhere else, if I might add.) Watch him walk you through making a “sandwich” in space and behold the floating tortilla.

Aeroméxico Might Want to Change its Name to ‘IronMéxico’

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IronMexico

It is no secret that international air travel is undergoing a severe financial crisis; with fuel costing a lot of money and all. But airline owners are a creative bunch and have found “innovative” ways to make additional cash, including charging us extra money to use the bathroom; to take an extra piece of luggage or to seat between rows 5 through 45.

But Mexican airline Aeroméxico has gone even further and is now using its aircrafts to pitch the latest installment of Iron Man, which by the way pulled almost $36 million since opening in Mexico less than two weeks ago.

So, I’m not sure what they are waiting for. Just change the company name to IronMéxico and get the whole thing over with.

Photo: @don_Marquito

Latinas to Shine in Primetime [As Maids, of Course]

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As this blog dutifully reported it almost one year ago, Lifetime Television has finally set a date for the premiere of Devious Maids, a 13-episode series featuring a bunch of Latino women who work as -what else?- maids.

Devious Maids is being executive produced by the one and only Eva Longoria, la “prieta faya” and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina, who this week came out in full force to defend the series. [Oh, she also starred in this other cinematographic masterpiece.]

Judging from the trailer [below] I can see Devious Maids will touch on some of the hot-button issues that keep my people at night: Earning the minimum wage; working 80 hours a week for a bunch of ungrateful, rich bastards; getting by without health insurance and living in constant fear of deportation.

I can’t wait (to not watch it.)

Three Years Later, Hispanic TV Still Reluctant to Say ‘Tetas’

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A few years ago, I wrote a story about how Telemundo decided to do away with the word ‘tetas’ in the promos around Sin tetas no hay paraíso, a popular Colombian telenovela about young girls and their obsession with getting breast implants. Instead of using the word tetas, (tits) Telemundo opted to use an image of a hanging red brassiere, apparently because it’s always better to look weird than inappropriate.

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Then came Telemundo’s own remake of the series, which was slightly changed to Sin senos no hay paraíso (substituting the word ‘tetas’ with the boring, yet anatomically correct senos (breasts.)

But that was then.

Last week UniMás proudly announced the upcoming premiere of Sin ellas no hay paraíso…  and yes, it is the exact same telenovela, except this time the offending moniker (tetas) has being awkwardly substituted by the word ellas (them.)

I said it then, and I repeat it today: When it comes to Hispanic television, one thing is to show tetas feminine attributes all day long, and another one is to call those attributes by their rightful name.

See? You can’t have your tits and name them too.

McDonald’s German Mariachi Will Steal Your ‘Herz’ and Make you ‘Lieben’ Chili con Carne

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Turns out the Germans are not only fond of Mexican food, but they get all festive and dress up in mariachi costumes and all to celebrate a good ‘chili con carne,’ which is actually not a Mexican dish, but who cares? Any excuse is good to dance around the Straßen waving Mexican flag and all.

Hat tip: @tropicarlitos

…and in case you don’t know what Los Wochos are; Los Wochos are El Chile con Carne, Los Beefos y el Chicken Fiesta.

Wochos

 

 

 

The Arizona Diamondbacks Lure Hispanic Baseball Fans With Culturally Relevant Hot-Dog

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Los Diamondbacks de Arizona, which is Spanish for The Arizona Diamondbacks, have partnered with the local Univision station to offer Hispanic baseball fans the chance to gobble up at the stadium in a culturally-relevant way: With a $7 “Sonora-style hot-dog.”

Per a press release:

The Arizona Diamondbacks (@Dbacks) will offer a Sonoran-style hot dog at every home game for $7 at Red Hot Grill locations in sections 126 and 320. In addition, the team has partnered with Univision to offer a special Sonoran Dog Package, El Pa’quetellenes, for only $15 that includes an Outfield Reserve ticket, Sonoran-style hot dog, 24 ounce Pepsi and a coupon for a free cookie from SUBWAY® Restaurants. El Pa’quetellenes, presented by Univision, is available at every D-backs home game and can be purchased online at http://www.losdbacks.com.

For the monolingual crowd, paquetellenes is actually a smart made-up word combining the concept of “combo” with “to be full.” And naturally you’ll be full: The so-called Sonoran Dog “is a hot-dog wrapped in a mesquite-smoked bacon that is grilled and then topped with pico de gallo, ranch-style beans, and a mayo drizzle.”

Mexican Men Know How to Lure Women…. [into the Fridge]

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Pétalos

Say what you will about Tecate, but the beer maker knows a thing or two about Mexican men and their tricky ways to get women do what they want (namely to get them cold beers from the fridge.)

I don’t know you, but I found the following spot truly amusing.*

 

*NOTE: For those enraged Latinas ready to start screaming and/or propose a boycott against Tecate or something, please contact the company directly or its ad agency in Mexico, not this blogger. Thank you for your cooperation.

This is How PETA Wants Latinos to Stop Craving Meat

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PETA, the animal rights organization, has launched PETA Latino, apparently because they want my people to stop eating chicharrón, carnitas, chuletas, suadero and all those delicious -and nutritious- foods we’ve been eating since we were toddlers.

I commend PETA on its efforts, but quite frankly if you want Hispanics to stop craving meat, you might want to reconsider putting a naked former Miss Panama on top of a gigantic piece of broccoli. That will just make them toss the veggies and keep the meat.

Just sayin’

Kate del Castillo Pitches Fragrance not Called Kate del Castillo

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Kate

First came Paulina, then Shakira, Banderas, JLo and even José José. Now, my paisana, Kate del Castillo, is the latest celebrity to join the club of Latino celebrities pitching a fragrance.

But unlike previous launches, Kate’s fragrance is not called ‘Kate del Castillo.’ It is a fragrance launched by Avon called Flor Violeta, “a floral fragrance with hints of apples, violets and musk,” that Del Castillo describes as “freshhh and joeeful” in an impossibly cute Mexican accent.

Watch her do her thing here: