Hipster Vegans Want you to Eat an Avocado Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert

This has to stop. Seriously.

Why cut your delicate hands trying to chop open an avocado when you can enjoy the wonders of the fruit without having to resort to a knife –or a tortilla?

That is the promise of Cado, an “avocado-based frozen dessert” crafted by a very white group of vegan people and designed to satisfy your avocado craving –without the dairy and/or the other actually great things about, well, avocados.

Per a review of this thing by Veg News (LOL)

Organic avocado is cold-pressed, sweetened, and flavored before being churned to a silky, smooth consistency. The fruit’s subtle floral aroma lightly infuses each variety, but flavors such as Deep Dark Chocolate, Simply Lemon, and Mint Chocolate Chip shine through for a unique take on our favorite frozen treat.

¡Ay, mátenme porque me muero!

Via: Veg News

WARNING: Avocado Knife-Injuries on the Rise, Mostly Among non-Mexicans

Avocado Hand is no joking matter. Just ask Meryl Streep.

OKAY, people, stop doing whatever it is you are doing right now. A potentially devastating malaise known as Avocado Hand is affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado, namely Americans and Brits.

According to the always reliable Daily Mail, the number of people visiting the emergency room suffering from “avocado hand” knife injuries is on the rise. But… how bad exactly is this thing? Well, it is so bad it once got none other than Meryl Streep, who famously required hand surgery after cutting her fingers while preparing a delish guacamole.

The problem is not limited to America, no señor. London-based plastic surgeon Simon Eccles told The Times that he sees about four patients a week now suffering with wounds caused by trying to cut an avocado, because — shockingly — there are avocados in London.

Fortunately, they are plenty of resources out there for you not to end up in the emergency room with a bunch of avocado-clueless anglos. There are even guides and fancy gadgets for you to master your avocado grip.

To wit…

and….

So, get yourself together and don’t say I didn’t warn you….