Looks like Univision decided NOT to listen to me, so it went ahead to launch Flama, an English-language video channel, which according to ADWEEK, has “an eye on Hispanics between ages 15 and 30,” (aka Hispanic millennials.)

The channel, which is being sponsored by condom maker Trojan and Big Mac maker McDonald’s, features videos on comedy, music, lifestyle and sports.

The following video -inexplicably tagged as comedy- is a 4-minute-plus rant about what non-Latinos should expect from dating a Latina. And no, you don’t have to spend 4:09 minutes of your life watching it.

I watched it entirely, so you don’t have to and here’s the gist of it:

• Latinas are crazy
• Dating a Latina will make you fat (even if they cook with Mazola)
• We love to cook tamales and pozole and quesadillas
• If you are going to be in a relationship with a Latina, you should consider joining  Weight Watchers
• We [Latinas] are clingy
• We are like your probation officer but with sex -and frijoles

Or, you can watch… But don’t say I didn’t warn you.