Jehova’s Witnesses Want Us to Move to Canada

I’m all up for tolerance, freedom of religion and all that stuff. But being woken up before noon on a Sunday by a group of Spanish-speaking Jehova’s witnesses has got to be sin, no matter where you live.

However, as soon as I saw what these guys were bringing into my home, my annoyance turned to curiosity: According to their literature, our suffering will end soon… as soon as we move to Canada, and organize pic-nics with pumpkins and apples while moose and horses roam around.

Which would be, like, super nice, because right now it’s 40 degrees outside and the only thing roaming around my neighborhood are livery cabs, tamale street vendors and, well, plenty of Jehova’s witnesses.