Hispanic TV Upfronts 2017: The Good, the Bad, the Beautiful

Enrique Iglesias (aka Henry Churches) rocked the Telemundo Upfront party Monday night

May is my favorite month of the year, and not only because it is my birthday, and spring is blooming and all that crap. It is because in addition to the very serious journalistic work I do everyday, I get to attend some of the presentations, parties and after-parties around the so-called Hispanic TV upfronts.

My favorite part, of course, is trying to cover the not-so-serious side of the three-day-marathon of parties, parties and programming presentations, interviews and business meetings.

Here are some highlights of this year’s Hispanic TV upfronts, which have left this blogger (and her liver) particularly damaged.

CNN en Español: Eñes, Eñes Everywhere!

* Hispanic TV Upfront week officially kicked off with a small, but lively party in New York City hosted by CNN en Español, which insists on putting an eñe on its logo, even though it looks silly and makes no sense whatsoever. This time around, though, the “eñe-offender” made its way to pillows, cookies and chocolates, because why have pass the opportunity to amplify the silliness?

The ‘zucker’ ran away before I could ask him a question

Personally, the highlight of this year’s CÑÑ’s presentation was non other than Jeff Zucker, the mero mero jefe of CNN (sans eñe,) who kicked off the event by addressing the audience in a moderately good Spanish.

Needless to say, this blogger did her best to run after him as soon as he stepped off the thing and tried to ask him who had coached him in the language of Cervantes. Alas, I have to report Mr. Zucker runs way faster than me!

Telemundo

Unlike previous years, Telemundo did not host its own upfront presentation, but was a small part of a much bigger event by parent company NBCU at Radio City Hall. But in an effort to make it up to the many people it didn’t invite to Radio City Hall (ahem, ahem, self,) it treated hundreds of advertising executives, media — and me, of course —  to a lavish party Monday night featuring Enrique Iglesias (also known as The-Singer-That-Makes-This-Blogger-Feel-Like-a-Cougar.)

As usual, right before the event I was able to squeeze past security and reach the so-called VIP area of the Hammerstein Ballroom, where I spotted my friend José Díaz Balart chatting with former Univision star Mario Kreutzberger (aka Don Francisco) who is making a TV comeback on Telemundo — for some reason.

It is important to note there was some kind of “wall” between me and the celebrities, but nothing a crafty Mexican couldn’t get through.

Univision’s ‘Proof of Passion’

Univision’s theme for its 2017 Upfront presentation was “Proof of Passion,” a celebration of the things that Hispanics are so passionate about, namely soccer, family and dancing! Yes, there was the usual stuff about how much my people (i.e. The Hispanics) love soccer, their family and all that jazz. But there were also some fun jabs at Telemundo’s own theme, SHIFT, which Univision simply dismissed as just “a crock of shift.”

“We’ve heard how there’s some kind of shift happening,” said Steve Mandala, Univision’s executive vicepresident of ad sales. “That is a crock of shift.”

LOL.

Univision’s presentation closed with Shakira performing two songs. TWO SONGS, after which she just simply wished us all well and walked away.

Oh and did I mention how RUDE and awful it was for Univision to forgo its lavish luncheon that had become a legend in town? Come on, Randy Falco, that luncheon was literally the only thing that made this blogger get her Latina butt moving and stand the horrors of Times Square.

Are you telling me Univision finances are so bad that you couldn’t afford the spiced pollo of last year? SAD!

‘People en Español’s’ Beautiful Latinos

‘People en Español’s’ Armando Correa insisted so much, that I had to attend his thing

No Hispanic TV upfront would be complete without the funnest party of them all: The People en Español’s 50 Más Bellos bash, an annual ritual for me — and 50 other beautiful Latinos.

This year, the party took place at ESPACE NY, and – unlike previous years – it was much smaller, and the room looked kind of empty at times. On the bright side, it was easier to harass famous, beautiful Latin people and refill my champagne glass way faster than in years before.

Other than me, other beautiful people who showed up included.

María Elena Salinas, looking sharp as ever and drinking tons of water (which is what I should have done)

Thalía, who received an special award for being the Latina that has been featuring more times in the special Bellos issue….

Thalía has appeared more times in the “coveted” Bellos list. Me, on the other hand…

David Chocarro, who was seen posing near some skincare products, but could have used a comb instead… 

… and Lili Estefan, Raúl de Molina, Geraldine Bazán, Gabriel Soto and many, many more famous Latinos whose name I couldn’t really catch after all those liters of … Seltzer water.

Anyhow, everything ended up smoothly and this blogger was able to go back home in one piece, blessed by a beautiful Manhattan night.

BTW: I just realized I’ve been doing is too long…

Univision and AT&T Present ‘Unlimited Chapo,’ Because Hispanic TV Needs More Stories about Drug Lords

Unlimited Chapo is brought to you by Univision and AT&T

In yet another sign that Hispanic television is determined to “superserve its audience with relevant programming,” Univision Communications has partnered with AT&T to bring us — are you ready? — El Chapo Ilimitado! (Unlimited Chapo,) a weekly Facebook Live series that “serves as a forum for fans to discuss new episodes of El Chapo, a new crime television series co-produced by Netflix and Univision.

El Chapo Ilimitado (which I’m sure is a wink to AT&T’s unlimited data plans, duh) is hosted by Univision personalities Lourdes Stephen and Carlos Calderón, who show an extraordinary disposition to look cheerful — and fun! — while discussing one of Mexico’s most sanguinary drug dealers every single week.

Per a company press release, this thing is streamed via Facebook Live on Univision’s Facebook page Sunday evenings at 10 p.m. immediately following the premiere of new episodes.

Say what you will, but Hispanic TV will never cease to depress amuse this blogger.

Now if you allow me, I’ll just go shoot myself.

Via: El Chapo Ilimitado

Univision Preps Series about El Chapo, Because Drug Lords Bring Good Ratings

Marco de la O is ‘El Chapo’ in Univision upcoming series

It is not a secret that Univision ratings are tanking, and its telenovelas are no longer as popular as they once were. So the gigantic, media company is trying something a bit more risqué: A dramatic series about — what else? — El Chapo, Mexico’s most notorious drug lord, currently serving time (and learning English) in a Brooklyn prison.

The role of El Chapo will be played by Marco de la O, an actor this blogger had never heard of before and one that looks a bit more like a mustachioed version of Jim Carrey, if you asked me.

But I digress. The upcoming series is only the latest example of Hispanic television’s obsession with Latin American drug lords, which might be a pest to society, but provide TV outlets with sweet, coveted ratings.

El Chapo will premiere in the U.S. on Univision on April 23 and this blogger will be watching — of course.

Via: Univision

 

Hillary Clinton Does ‘El Gordo y la Flaca,’ Because You Gotta do What you Gotta Do

hillary

Hillary Clinton made Hispanic History (i.e. Hispandering) on Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2016 by showing up at Univision’s long-running El Gordo y la Flaca; declaring Mexican food is her favorite and even getting up to dance salsa with the crew.

Alas, she did not take her clothes off to join The Fat One in his famous jacuzzi. Now THAT would have been entertaining…

Now I’m dead.

DEVELOPING: This blog post will be updated as soon as this recovers from shock (which will likely occur until after Happy Hour)

Via: Univision.com

This Bernie Sanders Ad in Spanish Will [Hopefully] Make you Appreciate that Big Salad

The 5-minute documentary will run on Univision
A five-minute mini doc will run on Univision next week

In an effort to court Hispanics and — hopefully — make non-Hispanics think hard about what goes in their grande salads and Chipotle salsas, Bernie Sanders will be running a five-minute documentary in Spanish (below.)

According to the New York Times (which by the way failed to properly translate part of the plot) the mini documentary will run nationally on the Univision network and several Univision-affiliated stations, just days before the March 15 Democratic primary in Florida.

Watch. Think about it. Watch again, and remember it next time you savor a juicy tomato.

Univision Series for ‘Billennials’ Is Mix of Comedy, Drama, Emojis and Plenty of Profanity

TenemosQueHablar

In an ongoing effort to pursue millennials (aka good-for-nothings-who-are-obsessed-with-Snapchat) Univision today announced the launch of Tenemos que hablar, a Spanish-language web series that follows “the rocky, and often hilarious, long-distance relationship between 20-year-old Emilia and her boyfriend Bobi‎, who just moved from Mexico to Miami.”

Filmed in Mexico and Miami, the 12-episode series features “YouTube stars” Daniel Tovar and Ricardo Polanco, whom I’m sure are very well known in their respective households and among millennials and billennials (as Univision calls bilingual millennials.) The series will be available only on Univision.com and on Univision’s YouTube channel, because as everybody knows, millennials are a lazy, pathetic bunch that cannot afford cable and won’t watch TV anyway.

Besides, given the excess amount of expletives, I’m sure it will be a headache trying to air this thing to on broadcast television.

As for myself, I’m pretty sure I won’t be watching. After all, I’m on my way to becoming healthier, wealthier and — OF COURSE– wiser.

 

POTUS, FLOTUS and MOTUS Pay Tribute to Don Francisco

ObamaDonFrancicso

Saturday, September 19, 2015 marked the last show ever for Sábado Gigante, the world’s longest running television variety series in history.

As part of the emotional farewell Saturday night, Barack Obama (aka POTUS) and wife Michelle (aka FLOTUS) came on board to wish Don Francisco all the best, saying he will be missed.

Not to be outdone, this blogger (also known as a Mexican of the United States or MOTUS,  would like to join FLOTUS and POTUS in wishing Mario all the best.

Seriously, what’s this blogger to do without you?

 

Don Francisco Makes it to Broadway…. and 168th Street

don-francisco_0Mario Kreutzberger (aka Don Francisco) might have lost his job as Univision’s top entertainer, but that doesn’t mean we have to forget about him. ¡No, señor!

Thanks to New York City and it’s relentless Mayor, Bill de Blasio, we will soon be able to roam the Don Francisco Boulevard, a street that will be located nowhere else but in my neighborhood: 168th street and Broadway.

You know I’m going to have to move now, right?

Via: Latin Times

Jeb Bush Should Send the Proceeds of his $75 ‘Guaca Bowle’ to Columba’s Aunt in Mexico

TiaColumba_1

On this this April 2015 segment, Univision News introduced Hispanics to María Diega Méndez, a lovely old lady who lives in Guanajuato, Mexico and happens to be very poor and very sick. The reason for all the media attention? She is the aunt of Columba [not Columbia, nor Colombia] Garnica, better known as Columba [not Columbia, nor Colombia] Bush.

The Univision segment basically makes one strong point: That should Columba (not Columbia, nor Columbia) become the U.S. First Lady, she should at least help pay for this poor’s woman’s medication.

I mean… after all, what are The Bushes going to do with the proceeds of their $75 Guaca Bowl?

guacala

 

*ItsColumbaNotColumbiaNorColombia

Via: BuzzFeed News

Trump Sends Ramos Back to Univision; Ramos not Helping Make America Great Again

trumpRamos

Donald Trump (aka Mexico’s favorite piñata) this evening decided to kick Jorge Ramos out of a press conference, because Ramos wouldn’t sit down nor shut up, which basically means he’s not helping make America great again.

¡Pinche Ramos, pues!

Here’s a Vine from the great Gabe Ortiz

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Univision to Donald Trump: ‘Hasta la Vista, Baby!’

TrumpMexicansWell, that was fast.

Barely five months after Donald Trump announced he was dumping Telemundo to join forces with Univision for the Miss Universe pageant, the Hispanic media giant decided it was just too much to partner with such a bocón.

According to a statement put out by Univision Communications Inc. on Thursday:

Today, the entertainment division of Univision Communications Inc. announced that it is ending the Company’s business relationship with the Miss Universe Organization, which is part-owned by Donald J. Trump, based on his recent, insulting remarks about Mexican immigrants. At Univision, we see first-hand the work ethic, love for family, strong religious values and the important role Mexican immigrants and Mexican-Americans have had and will continue to have in building the future of our country. We will not be airing the Miss USA pageant on July 12th or working on any other projects tied to the Trump Organization.

Netflix Adds Univision, and that Means One thing…

…. Soraya is BAAAAAAAACK!

lisiada

Per a Univision press release:

Netflix will now offer many hours of some of the most beloved and highly-rated shows from the Univision classics such as Teresa, Maria la del Barrio, Lo Que La Vida Me Robó, Por Ella Soy Eva, La Viuda Negra and Rosa de Guadalupe. The lineup also features some of the Top 20 novelas of all time including La Fea Mas Bella, Cuidado con el Angel and Rubi.

Yeah.. I know what you’re thinking

What do Jorge Ramos and John Oliver Have in Common? U.S. Machines Don’t Understand their Accent

Screen Shot 2015-05-14 at 12.03.41 PMDuring a brief trip to New York for Upfronts Week, Univision host Jorge Ramos took some time to interview John Oliver.

They touched on many serious — and not so serious — topics, including Oliver’s memorable interview with Edward Snowden, which led to the following exchange:

Jorge Ramos: Why do you think [Snowden] picked you, and not a respected journalist?

John Oliver: [LAUGHTER] I’m not a respected journalist, because I’m not a journalist, I’m a comedian!

Yet, my favorite part has to be when the pair set out to discuss the subject of electronic imperialism and how bloody frustrating it is when when automatic operators simply cannot understand us, the Mexicans and the British.

See? That’s why the only electronic exchanges I can take are those involving super smart, Spanish-speaking ones that are even willing to sing La Cucaracha.

(Watch the full clip below.)

Via: Fusion

Armed with a Good Pair of ‘Cojones,’ Jorge Ramos Asks Enrique Peña Nieto to Resign

RRamos

I know this video has been going around for several days now, and that many of you have already seen it, tweeted it, instagramed it, facebooked it, etc.

Still, this blog had to make sure this footage also lives here, not only for ‘posterity’ but as a daily reminder of what should be the duty of many of us: Make corrupt politicians accountable for their [disgusting] actions or, as Jorge Ramos contends, demand their resignation when necessary, which – of course – applies to this case. Absolutely.

At some point during this five-minute or so speech at a TIME Magazine gala honoring the Univision anchor he says:

In any other country, with a little bit of rule of law, the president would have been forced to resign. Guess what?

Wanna know “guess what?”….

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO … I promise you, its almost as interesting as watching Jorge Ramos in Tanga.

Leave your comments below.

What’s this Blogger Supposed to Do without Don Francisco?

October, 2012. Queens, New York
October, 2012. Queens, New York

What???!!!

After 53 years on the air, Univision today confirmed that Sábado Gigante, that weekly extravaganza featuring humor, music, contests and many, many scantily-clad Latinas will end its current cycle on Sept. 19, 2015, to coincide with the end of the 2014-2015 broadcast television season.

You know what this means right? This means no more Miss Colita or Miss Mamacita beauty pageants (i.e. no more fun for this blogger.)

Sniff, sniff

In all seriousness, he’s going to be missed, para bien o para mal. I also wrote this for when he was awarded to  Lifetime EMMY achievement.