Ever wondered why the Mexican empire fell in the hands of a bunch of bearded, uninteresting Spaniards? Well, according to Mexican writer and career diplomat José Luis Basulto Ortega, the whole thing was nothing but an amorous gesture between two lovers:

“El Imperio de México fue un obsequio de Moctezuma a Hernán Cortés como parte del cortejo amoroso que tuvieron”, (Mexico’s empire was a gift from Moctezuma to Cortés as part of the amorous relationship they had) Basulto writes in his most recent book Culioni: Historia de una lágrima.

Basulto claims to have “fifteen documents” that irrefutably prove a homosexual relationship between Cortés and Moctezuma, and that, in a nutshell, Mexico was lost because of a queer (“México se perdió por una loca.”)

I wonder now if Santa Anna and David G. Burnett were getting cozy by the time we lost Texas… Oh, dear.