Del Taco Wants you to Think these Are Tortas

If you thought Trump announcing a presidential bid for 2024 was the worst piece of news this year, think again: Del Taco – which dares call itself a “Mexican restaurant” – said it has added “Mexican-Style tortas” to their menu.

The company said (apparently with a straight face and via an unecessarily long press release) that their tortas are so epic that they will be known as Epic Tortas. Their excitement is such, that the chain temporarily changed its name to “Del Torta,” which –naturally– makes no sense whatsover.

This blogger is just gonna say one thing: Make Tortas Great Again!*

*and if you’re not up to the task, please just leave tortas alone.

Day of the Dead Is the New Cinco de Mayo –and I Can’t Even

Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some here dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Organic yellow corn tortilla chips with typos for Día de Muertos en gringolandia

Anyhow, in an effort to show you I was right when back in 2018 I decided to call Day of the Dead the New Cinco de Mayo, I will be posting here some of the most bizarre/sad/pathetic/senseless examples of what America is doing with one of Mexico’s most beloved traditions.

CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING GALLERY OF HORRORS and be sure to check back as I’ll be updating this thing as soon as new barbaridades come my way…

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I hate to say I told you, but I told you ….

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Netflix Teases ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’; this Blogger Braces for the Worst

One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez 1967 masterpiece, is coming to… a Netflix screen near you.

Yup, the streaming giant on Friday released the trailer of the series, which is being executive produced by Marquez’s sons Rodrigo Garcia and Gonzalo García Barcha.

It is the first-ever adaptation of García Márquez’s epic novel which follows the saga of the Buendía family and the building of the city of Macondo in the middle of a swamp.

Netflix has not yet announced a date of release, but this blogger will be closely watching to see how this thing plays out one of her favorite books ever –or becomes a flop, like many things Netflix has touched in the past. So, stay tuned.

I don’t know, man, even the trailer looks… too cute for my taste.

Barbie Día de Muertos Is Back – and She’s not Alone

Back in 2019, and just in time for Día de Muertos (or what Americans dare call “Mexican Halloween”) Mattel came up with a signature Barbie Día de Muertos which – according to a very long press release – featured a “long, embroidered dress decorated with flowers and butterflies [and] a crown with the iconic monarch butterflies and the cempasúchitl flower to honor, in every way, the symbols and offerings of this emblematic Mexican tradition.”

Today, as if the COVID-19 pandemic hadn’t brought so many calamities to the world, she is back, and she’s not alone: Mattel’s Second Edition Barbie Día de Muertos comes with a catrina-faced Ken Doll Día de Muertos, featuring a “charro look” and a “calavera sugar skull bolero tie and sombrero with a golden band.”

(Oh did I mention they’re like $80 each?)

And I thought Barbie Frida Kahlo was pathetic.

Hat tip: Gonzalo Jimenez

Americans Celebrate National Taco Day; I Suffer Immensely

Yeah, you tell them, Red!
Yeah, you tell them, Red!

There is nothing more depressing for this blogger than National Taco Day, when everyone – and their abuela – take to social media to share what they think are … tacos.

The good news is that it’s also National Vodka Day, so I’m off for a very early one to be able to take the pain.

CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING SLIDESHOW TO FEEL MY PAIN

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September 19 Strikes Mexico Again; Hilarity Ensues

Today’s 7.6 magnitude quake came on the same day as devastating quakes in 1985 and 2017.

Nope, I’m not making this up. Today, Monday, September 19, 2022, at around 1:07 pm local time, Mexico City residents were shaken (not stirred) by a 7.6 magnitude earthquake, that killed at least one and damaged a lot of buildings across several states.

I first learned about it not on Twitter, but on the family WhatsApp that was going nuts with voicemail notifications from my brother and sister sounding really really scared. The first message, from my brother, came through at 2:08 pm/EST and it simply said “Está temblando,” two words any born and raised Mexican knows all too well.

Then came my sister with a 7-second message saying it was really fucking bad and then I sort of panicked.

I had been in transit but as soon as I got home I called to make sure they were OK. Thankfully, everyone was unscathed. Scared shit still, but unharmed.

Barely 7 or 8 minutes later, the memes started pouring in. It was – once again – my people’s way of dealing with calamities, from highlighting the HUGE coincidence of the September 19 date to celebrating the inevitability of our demise.

I’m just gonna post a few examples below to give you an idea of what’s going on today post-sismo, but feel free to follow this blogger’s Twitter feed to keep up in real time.

Because September

Because COVID

 

 

Because Mexicans are the Shit

Because … Let’s Skip September

hat tip: @rocos_life

This post will be updated…

Barbie Befriends Latino, Learns to Salsa, Because Hispanic Heritage Month!

In which Rafa & Barbie inform us they can travel to Puerto Rico without needing a passport

It’s only been, like, a day, but brands are already jumping on the Hispanic Heritage Month action. Take Mattel’s most annoying toy, Barbie, who is celebrating by befriending a Latino dude named Rafa who teaches her to –what else? – how to salsa.

This clip is barely a minute, but it has everything I’ve come to expect from these kind of “homages,” namely salsa, abuelas, Tito Puente, Yolanda Rivera and the island of Puerto Rico, where Barbie & Rafa remind us they can travel to without carrying a passport!

Hold on to your sombreros: The 2022 Hispanic Hellish Month is just getting started!

hat tip: @LeChancle

The NFL Changes “N” to “Ñ” to Give Logo an “Unmistakable Latin Flavor”

Remember that nonsensical trend of putting “eñes” where they don’t belong just to make something look –and sound– more authentically “Latino?”

Well, it looks like salsa makers and Hispanic journalists organizations are not alone in this thing. The latest to jump on the nonsensical “eñe wagon” (or should I say “wagoñ?”) is the National Football League, which has added an “eñe” to give its logo an “unmistakable Latin flavor.”

Ay, dios mío!

I get it. As we “celebrate” the dreaded Hispanic Heritage Month, corporations, politicians and NGOs want to sound all cute and Latin in order to properly pander to my people, but how about learning first to put the “eñe” where it DOES belong? Like in “jalapeño?” for example?

Introducing the Hispanic Lettuce

Throughout a long and not-necessarily successful career covering all-things Hispanic, I’ve encountered all kinds of marketing tactics pitching “culturally-relevant” products to Latinos.

I have been particularly impressed with Kellogg’s honey-flavored Corn Flakes, Oreo’s cream-filled churros, Domino’s Chicken Taco Pizza and even the one and only Hispanic cheese.

However, of all the things out there making us, Latinos, feel right at home here in the U.S., the Hispanic lettuce (found this weekend at a Harlem bodega) takes the cake. Besides, how much do you think this bodega owner spent on targeted media?

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem, NYC

Who Needs Ramsays and Stewarts when you Have Doña Ángela?

“Hola, mi gente!” My favorite YouTuber continues to kick butt

Doña Ángela, the adorable abuelita behind the super successful YouTube channel De mi rancho a tu cocina, continues to reign on the video channel, where she has amassed (pun intended) over 4 million subscribers –and counting.

Doña Ángela is not TV famous, and her kitchen does not boast any Michelin stars, and that’s because she’s the real enchilada, cooking all kinds of delicious stuff from her humble kitchen in Michoacán. Watch her make everything, from juicy carnitas to cheese-stuffed chayotes (yum!)

But the best part of the whole thing (at least for this blogger) is that Doña Ángela continues to get way more pageviews than other folks pretending to cook online, including Martha Stewart (and her molcajete cat) and Gordon Ramsay, who once said dulce de leche tastes like shit (yup he did.)

Hat tip & chart: Latinometrics

DC Comics Wants you to Know Green Lantern Is Very Fond of Tamales

Just in time for Hispanic Heritage Month, DC Comics is giving Green Lantern a very Mexican look by… making him carrying a bag of –what else?– tamales!

According to press reports, the original cover featured an homage to Mexican muralist Jorge González Camarena’s La Patria (see image below.) But somehow, the marketing bosses thought it didn’t look quite Mexican enough.

Jorge Molina, the artist himself, confirmed on Twitter that he created the original cover as a homage to González Camarena, but distanced himself from the tamal-themed one that it ended up being promoted.

Yeah, it’s going to be a long, long Hispanic Heritage Month…

The original image was so much better imho