Category: Awkard homages

Jeb Bush Wants you to Support His Campaign by Buying a $75 ‘Guaca Bowle’

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Because 'Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.'
Because ‘Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.’

With the hilarious 2016 U.S. presidential campaign around the corner, candidates are going the extra mile to raise the much needed cash to be able to compete against the dumb-but-filthy-rich-candidate-type-people.

Take Newly Converted Hispanic Jeb Bush, who is asking you to pitch in $75 for the Guaca Bowle, a presumably-Made-in-China plasticky looking molcajete that I can find in Mexico City for, like, a fifth of the price.

But why a molcajete, may you ask? Well, because Jeb and wife Columba (not Columbia, nor Colombia) simply “Love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.”

Ay, caramba!

Can someone please start working on a Guaca-Bowl piñata?

This Latino Car Dealership in California Wants you to Buy a Nissan, Bash Donald Trump

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Tómala, Tómala....
Tómala, Tómala….

The world’s awesomest car dealership has produced the world’s awesomest commercial, in which we see the dealership’s general manager bashing a Donald Trump piñata, after which he declares:

“Aquí en Van Nuys Nissan, los latinos mandan.” (“Here at Van Nuys Nissan, Latinos rule.”)

This blogger thinks this commercial should win a Lion at Cannes or something. Alas, the corporate suits over at Nissan Motor Co. have decided to distance the company from the ad, because… corporations.

So, boooooo, Nissan. Don’t be surprised if the next piñata my people come up with is one of your own Carlos Ghosn.

Ridley Scott to Make Movie About El Chapo, Of Course

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ChapoSimpsons

Well, that was fast.

According to The Internet, Hollywood director Ridley Scott is teaming up with studio giant Fox to produce a novel paralleling the life of escaped Mexican drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzman.

Details are still sketchy, but Mexican twitteratti are already full of awesome ideas.

The Mexican Flag Flies in Paris, and NOT Because I’m Here

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MexicanFlagsinParis

… But because moronic French President François Holland had the “brilliant” idea of inviting Enrique Peña Nieto as guest of honor at the military parade and other ceremonies marking France’s July 14 national holiday.

I don’t know you but I feel like throwing a month-old baguette on the heads of Holland, Peña Nieto, his wife and their 490+ entourage, who landed on this country just to eclipse this blogger’s visit.

Merde!

 

Via: France 24

Jeb Bush Can Tell if Someone Hails from Colombia, Not Columbia; Has Wife Named Columba

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Jeb Bush with [tiny] Mexican wife, Columba
Jeb Bush with [tiny] Mexican wife, Columba
It is not a huge secret that Jeb Bush has a pretty decent command of the Spanish language. And now, thanks to the New York Times, we also know he’s also good at guessing the Latin American country where a person is from based on his/her accent.

Per an a March 29, 2015 article:

HUDSON, N.H. — As Jeb Bush mingled with Hispanic workers on a company tour a few weeks ago on his first trip here as an all-but-declared candidate for president, he was able to guess the region in Colombia where one woman was born just from hearing her accent.

He should know better.

While many politicians — and pretty much most “regular Americans”– insist on confusing Colombia with Columbia –and viceversa — something like that would simply be an unforgivable and goofy mistake for a man whose Mexican wife goes by the name of –what else?– Columba.

Editor’s Note: Depending on the success -or not- of Jeb Bush’s campaign for 2016, this blogger will be launching a new category: #ItsColumbaNotColumbia 

In Ongoing Effort to Desecrate Tacos, Americans Invent the Taco Takeover Game

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tacotakeovergame

As if Taco Bell’s efforts to sell your children “make-believe” Mexican food weren’t enough, some genius has come up with the Taco Takeover board game, a “fun-filled” game that will make sure your children grow up with a twisted idea of what my people (i.e. The Mexicans) really eat.

Per the game’s creators themselves:

The Taco Takeover game will let your children assemble their own taco, but, be careful! If you draw a “La Cucaracha” card, or are dealt an “Antacid” by an opponent, you’ll need to dump your taco and start over!

Seriously guys, I’m not sure what’s worse, if the “game” itself or the festive, cactus-filled, mariachi-music video that’s being used to promote it.

Somebody please shoot me now…

Candy Tacos: Because Absurdity Knows no Limits

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The Taco Candy is a thing
The Taco Candy is a thing
Remember the Taco Purse? And how about the Taco Toaster?

So get ready for the newest member of the ATMT (Absurd Taco Madness Trend:) Candy Tacos, a concoction made of a rice krispies shell filled with shredded coconut (the lettuce and cheese), crumbled Oreos (the meat), Mike and Ikes (the tomatoes), and topped with marshmallow fluff (the sour cream).

Why? Because why the hell not.

I mean, regardless its ingredients, this thing doesn’t even look like a real taco… but I guess that’s one of those battles I’ll never be able to win.

Via: Miblogestublog’s Senior Taco Correspondent, Lisa Paravano

Some ‘Fashion’ Designer is Selling a $1,300 ‘Taco Purse’

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Taquera zip round taco shaped clutch [LOL]
Some people just want to see the world burn –and annoy the hell out of this blogger.

Take Italian designer Charlotte Olympia, which is peddling a $1,300 taco purse, a taco-shaped thing “embellished with Swarovski crystals and embroidered silk organza.”

I don’t know you, but $1,300 amounts to about $20,000 Mexican pesos (per today’s exchange rate,) which would be good enough to get you approximately 800 of these.

YES, eight-hundred!

Won't you rather have 800 of these?
Won’t you rather have 800 of these?
A no brainer, my friends.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the burrito bag, please.

Sombrero tip: Mi blog es tu blog’s London correspondent

TBN Launches Hispanic TV Network Called -What Else?- Salsa

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TBN Salsa is 'geared toward next generation Hispanics who may not be fluent in Spanish but apparently love salsa.

Religious broadcaster Trinity Broadcasting Network on June will launch an English-language channel targeting what it called “next-generation” Latinos, which apparently are religious, prefer to speak English and — of course — love to dance and eat salsa.

Per a company press release:

TBN Salsa is ‘geared toward next generation Hispanics who may not be fluent in Spanish. […] It will initially debut in 38 major broadcast markets across America, including Los Angeles, New York City, Miami, Atlanta, Dallas, Seattle, and Phoenix.

And that’s just awesome because everybody knows that Hispanics, regardless their religion and language preference, simply love salsa: This one… and this one too!

No, Google, Kermit the Frog is not ‘Kermit la Rana’ in Spanish

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OK, Google. Let's try this again
OK, Google. Let’s try this again

Kermit the Frog, the friendly frog that became so famous in TV shows such as The Muppets and Sesame Street is actually called “René” in Mexico and “Gustavo” in Spain. But I guess that’s just too much for an automated voice-recognition, translation program.

During a brief demonstration today of its voice search app, Google’s Senior Vicepresident Sundar Pachai, reached for his smartphone to ask Google — using his voice — on Google’s search app — “How do you say Kermit the Frog in Spanish?.

Google’s response “Kermit la Rana.”

Wait. What?!

As anybody who was not born in the United States, Kermit came to be known as René in Mexico and pretty much all Latin America, and Gustavo in Spain. And as far as this blogger can tell you, nobody in the Spanish-speaking world knows him (or her?) as Kermit.

Yet, I’ve found video footage of the poor thing (René/Hermit/Gustavo) trying to explain his identity problem.

WATCH

via: CNET en Español

Aspiring Mexican Mayor Uses Batmobile to Campaign Around

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¡Santas elecciones, Batman!
¡Santas elecciones, Batman!

Awwww, Mexico…

The land of the collective smooch, the coold cocnuts and the 1-million-dollar birthday parties is also the World’s Headquarters of innovative political initiatives.

Take Valentín González, aspiring Mayor of Netzahualcóyotl, who decided it was an awesome idea to drive around the impoverished municipality in his own Batmobile. Why? Simple, because it is the only way to fight crime and stuff so he can get elected and all that.

Per the campaign itself:

“The campaign will be accompanied by our emblem, which we decided to be a Batmobile, simply because in order to reach the Mayor’s Office we’ll have to fight criminals who for a long time have disturbed the peace of our citizens.”

¡Santas elecciones, Valentín!

BatiValentin2

Via: SDPNoticias

Venezuelan TV Host Gets Naked Delivering News about Cristiano Ronaldo, because Latin America

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Some people really have an on camera talent
Some people really have an on camera talent

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted.

Venezuelan TV host Yuvi Pallares thought it was an awesome idea to get naked as she reported the news about Cristiano Ronaldo dating Playboy model Daniella Chávez.

Don’t be too shock, though. The stunt is fairly common — and pretty much the Raison d’être of Desnundando la Noticia, a Venezuelan “nude-delivering news service.”

NOTE: I’m filing this under Latin American TV journalism and saving my sarcastic remarks for later. (See? I’m busy NOT being that kind of reporter right now).

Just WATCH. Cringe. Repeat (or not.)

Via: Desnudando la noticia