Category: Food

Here’s is Why I Can’t Find a Job in Manhattan

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melodyusa

If you follow New York City media, I’m sure you are now familiar with the plight of Melody Morales, who  is suing Manhattans’ Hawaiian Tropic eatery for alleged discrimination. Their crime? Despite Morales’ “stunning figure” and her being really comfy wearing a bikini at work, she was refused a job for not “speaking white.”

“I don’t want to brag, but I look great in a bikini. I have great curves, tits, and just love to dress sexy,” the half Puerto Rican half Dominican told El Diario La Prensa. Alas, the hiring manager wanted none of that, saying her Latino accent would only ruin his business.

See? I always knew having an accent was going to hamper my chances of going to places in the U.S. And that is why I’m not rushing to send in my resume to Hawaiian Tropic (even if they are hiring… and they’re, like, a few blocks from home. Damn it!)

That is a Whole Lot of Frijoles!

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The economy might be going down the toilet but things are looking pretty peachy for Latino-owned Goya Foods, which is on track to generate $1 billion in sales this year.

“People tend to go back to the basics,” he said. “We’ve seen spikes in the sales of rice, beans and cooking oils. People aren’t eating out at restaurants, they’re cooking at home. That’s why we continue to grow,” Evelio Fernández, Goya’s vp told the press.

(So those out there who still blame immigrants for the financial mess should re-consider.) How dare they?

Gobble Up. September is Cholesterol Education Month

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Man! I’ve been so busy trying to catch up with my politics, that I almost forgot that September is Cholesterol Education Month. But thanks to media visionaries who care about us, I now know there is a healthy, Hispanic-looking snack that is good for us during this crucial month.

“Corazonas heart-healthy chips are proven to lower your cholesterol when eaten twice a day with meals,” according to their creators and -of course- Oprah Winfrey.

The company is now launching the Corazonas challenge, calling on people to reduce their triglycerides by lots and lots of points in a few days.

I haven’t decided yet if I’ll join the challenge but one thing is already very challenging to me: What on Earth does “Corazonas” mean? (and why do they have to be picante?)

Cristina Wants You to Eat M&M’s, Then Drink Water

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Barely three weeks after we were told Cristina Saralegui was chosen among a group of Latino celebrities to take part in M&M’s “Inner M” advertising campaign, we find out that Univision’s long-time hostess is now advising Latinos to drink Nestle’s Pure Life bottled water.

“I want to educate Latino moms about the importance of teaching their children healthy habits that will last them a lifetime,” said Saralegui in a press release.

Since Nestle’s campaign is dubbed Vive Sanamente (or Live Healthy,) we can only assume it’s OK for you to stuff yourself with M&M’s, so long as you wash them down with Pure Life bottled water.

A brilliant marketing coup; though if you asked me, I would have rather picked Don Francisco for the water campaign. If one million years on Hispanic TV looking sort of the same (save the dyed hair) are not testament of Pure Life, I don’t know what is.

Oh, No! Mexicans Kidnap Ronald McDonald

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Remember the high-profile theft of Edvard Munch’s The Scream?

Well, that is NOTHING compared to what’s going on right now in Piedras Negras, Coahuila, where Ronald McDonald has gone “missing.” And, judging from this newspaper ad, we’re not talking theft here, but kidnapping.

I have no idea where Ronnie is, nor what the kidnappers have in mind. But even if I did, MD will have to do better than this: Free Happy Meals on Sundays? Give me a break.

Photo: Hazme el Chingado Favor

Uncle Sam Wants You to Stop Eating Salsa

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Forget tomatoes. With the aid of Lou Dobbs and his secuaces mainstream media, so adept at scaring the bejesus out of people, the FDA is expanding its investigation on the recent salmonella outbreak way beyond Mexican tomatoes. The new, potential culprits?

“The FDA is now testing cilantro, jalapeño peppers, and Serrano peppers, as well as tomatoes, to find the source of the salmonella outbreak that has sickened at least 943 people in 40 states and Washington, D.C..”

Cilantro????!!! And how are we supposed to keep up with the Hot Latin Diet?

HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!

My Latino-Themed Yogurt Tasted Only Like Fruit

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Driving back from Poughkeepsie the other day (no, I didn’t go there looking for the now infamous Sex & The City pudding) I stopped by at a road store, where I spotted this Latino-themed delicacy.

Intrigued, I bought it immediately, hoping to find myself savoring the very taste of my Latin roots while being transported to some isla bonita dancing to the tune of some local locos…

Alas, this thing tasted only like mango. And now I find myself struggling to burn the 170 calories, 15 calories from fat and 33 grams of sugar my Latino-yogurt experience. Perhaps, Dr. Manny’s Latin diet can help this time. We’ll see.

Latinos are Hot & Sexy… Until We Move to the U.S.

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Finally, somebody has come forward with a sound explanation of why I don’t look like my gorgeous self back in Mexico City like 20 years ago.

A new book by Dr. Manny Alvarez The Hot Latin Diet: The Fast Track Plan to a Bombshell Body, claims to have studied dozens of Latinos who have seen their gorgeous bodies turn into chubby, disgusting flabs as soon as they hit American soil.

Excerpt: “Most families who immigrate from the Caribbean basin and other points of Latin America are fit and trim when they arrive in the United States; however, if you look at this same community three years later, they are usually overweight.”

To help counter such alarming trend, Dr. Manny includes in his book a series of recipes that include some “South American classics,” including avocados, garlic, tomatillos, cilantro, cinnamon and jalapeños…

Wait a second: I grew up eating lots of that stuff and -trust me- I am far from looking like the woman in the blue bikini.

Perhaps Dr. Manny can help further?

This is NOT Your Regular Salchicha

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I bet you didn’t know how to differentiate a regular sausage from one specifically made to prepare a hot dog.

Well, that is why Mexico’s Cremería y Salchichonería Cuadritos has come up with the one and only Salchicha hotdogkera, prepared and packed exclusively for your hot dog-preparation needs.

The hotdogkeras were last spotted in a Mexico City Wal-Mart, but we wonder if they will soon be welcome as members of the exclusive, Washington, DC-based National Hot Dog & Sausage Council of America

Photo: Begoña Lozano

Talk About a Genuine Chocolate ‘Bar’

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Attending Hispanic conferences is always a wonderful experience, especially when you end up awash in Latino-themed goodies. Such was the case at this week’s HACR’s annual Symposium in New York City, where attendees were treated with Margarita-flavored milk chocolate bars, among other delicious stuff.

I have not yet had the ‘cojones’ to try the thing. I would need a couple of shots beforehand. Or maybe more.