Category: Food

No, Australia, We Don’t Want your Hideous Pineapple Burrito

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Turns out June 27 is World Pineapple Day (for some reason) so Australian fast-food chain Mad Mex decided to release its first pineapple burrito, a “limited edition” thing that –thank God– will be available only in Australia.

In an unnecessarily long news article, Mad Mex CEO Clovis Young said “he was prepared for the public backlash,” but wanted to help answer the question of whether pineapple should be a staple in Mexican food.

OK, Mr. Clovis Young, here’s your answer. Yes, we’ll allow some pineapple (maybe) in a VERY GOOD set of tacos al pastor made in Mexico, by real Mexican taqueros. So no, it shouldn’t be a part of that hideous thing you dare call a “Mexican staple food.”

You are welcome.

 

Mexican Official Eats Peanuts During Washington Meeting; Hilarity Ensues

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U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi this week met with Mexican Foreign Minister Marcelo Ebrard and other Mexican envoys to discuss a proposal by President Trump to impose 5% tariffs on all Mexican goods. But the urgency –and gravity– of the matter did not stop one of Ebrard’s spokespeople to enjoy a few peanuts, on a napkin, while at the negotiating table.

By Wednesday morning, a photo of Roberto Velasco Álvarez, spokesperson of the Mexican Foreign Ministry (SRE) quickly went viral by Mexican Twitter using the hashtag #LordCacahuates (Lord Peanuts,) following a Mexican Twitter tradition of calling Lords and Ladies doing “weird stuff.”

Here are some of the best memes I could find on Wednesday morning…

Vampipe, siempre Vampipe

Tacos, anyone?

Now, that’s better

Su Boing y su pizza

They were not even the good ones

Leave this guy eat alone

 

Tequila Cazadores Wants me to Put a ‘Summer of Tacos Calendar’ on my Desk –for Some Reason

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Marketing professionals are one creative bunch.

Not content with bringing to market some awesome, creative and stupid products (i.e. the avocado toast sneakers or the Throw Throw Burrito Game) they have now conceived another innovative thing…

I give you… the Summer of Tacos daily desk calendar, a thing that promises to have me dreaming of tacos every day of the week.

The idea, writes some marketing person apparently with a straight face, is “to celebrate the unofficial start of summer and its most notorious pairing, tacos and tequila.”

These calendars –which are being pitched as a must-have desk accessory– feature word puzzles, cocktail recipes and “taco facts to impress colleagues with at the water cooler.”

Listen, people, I dream of tacos every day and no, I don’t need your must-have desk accesory. *inserts eye roll emoji*

Americans are Putting Avocado on a Stick and I’m Screaming

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Was this really necessary?

The short answer is no, but it seems like Americans in general –and millennials in particular– continue to find ways to ruin everything.

According to an unnecessarily long article, this thing was conceived by some dude in Vermont to help his fellow Americans, who continue to suffer from Avocado Hand, a potentially devastating malaise affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado.

“They warn that putting avocado on a slice of bread is complicated and implies a danger, because in the United States some people have been injured trying to split an avocado, so they say that, with this presentation, enjoy the ‘green gold’ is simple and delicious.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the plastic…

Via: Milenio

Bush’s Beans ‘Cocina Latina’ Products are Making me Very Sad

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Cocina Latina. What the hell is ‘cocina latina?’

American corporations will stop at nothing when marketing “Latin-inspired” food to my always-hungry people (i.e. The Hispanics.) The most recent example of this is Bush’s Beans Comida Latina, which features a product line of prepared beans –and hominy– just like our grandma … didn’t actually make.

This doesn’t look neither promising, nor appetizing you know?

Via: Amazon.com

Americans Insist on Wrapping Themselves in Tortilla Blankets

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Move over tortilla towel, here comes the tortilla blanket, the most recent addition to what I like to call Nonsense American Products (NAPS.)

The latest tortilla-themed thing is a microfiber blanket that can be yours for as little as $39.99!) The marketing pitch?

“Do you love Mexican food so much you want to reincarnate yourself as a giant burrito? […] With this giant tortilla blanket you can become a taco, quesadilla, tostada, enchilada, burrito, taquito or use your imagination.”

THE END IS NEAR, MY FRIENDS

Via: Amazon.com

The Avocado Toast Sneakers are Here, Because Hipsters are Determined to Ruin Everything

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Not content with having ruined meals –and jacked up the price of avocados to ridiculous levels– American hipsters are at it again; this time with a plan to ruin footware as well.

Yes, my friends, according to multiple reports, the “Saucony Originals Shadow 6000 Avocado Toast sneakers” are here for a price I can only guess will be as high as an “avocado toast.”

I’m kind of busy right now, but I’ll be filing this under the #PinchesHipsters and #StupidPropositions categories… and then proceed to jump out the window.

Via: Footwear News

Do you Like Hummus but *Love* Avocado? The Guacammus is Here!

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Crazy Fresh!

Crazy Fresh Products, a company that guarantees “fresh-cut and ready-to-eat veggies and salsas,” has concocted the Guacammus, a blend of guacamole and hummus that is sure to make hipster-millennials salivate.

This thing was last seen at a local store for $5.99 –and yes, this is what it actually looks like.

If Guacammus is not for you, these people are also peddling Picomole, Apple Salsa and Cranberry Salsa among other atrocities, because why the hell not?

Hat tip: @lechancle

GOP Congresswoman Eats Pozole Pizza and I Can’t Even…

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GOP Congresswoman Debbie Lesko, from Arizona, took to Twitter to show off her very own Arizona Pozole Pizza, a weird concoction made specially for her by the local D.C. Pizzeria Paradiso.

Filing this under ‘guácatelas’

The stunt was part of  Pizzeria Paradiso’s United States of Pizza: Women’s Slice of the Pie, a “rotating weekly menu of state-themed pies honoring and highlighting elected female officials per state,” –apparently because International’s Women Month and thus the pozole thing.

As if I needed one more reason to despise Republicans… (¡guácala!)

Via: The Eagle

Bodegas are a National Treasure; Just Don’t Ask the Owner for the Bathroom Key

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It is no secret that bodegas are a wonder of sorts. No matter the time of day you will surely find all your basics. Late night-condoms? a Guadalupe Virgin candle? Emergency tampons? Terrible coffee? …. The bodeguero has your back.

Oh, but try not asking him to use the bathroom, unless you want to unleash a series of… hilarious musical events.

WATCH Saturday Nights’ Live (March 2, 2019 episode)

This Game Lets you Pick a Foam Burrito and Throw it at Someone –for some Reason

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Throw Throw Burrito has raised almost $1 million on Kickstarter. But… why?

The creators of Exploding Kittens and other silly board games are prepping Throw Throw Burrito, a card game that will have players pick up a foam burrito and… throw it at another player.

I have no idea why anybody would want to do that, but the only good news is that two plush burritos are included in this thing.

Let the genius behind the game explain their creation themselves, shall we?

Via: CNET en Español

Bernie Sanders’ Spanish-language Website Is Offering Free Donuts –I Think

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Please tell me you get a free donought when you click that red button.

Remember when Bernie Sanders was “progresivo” in Spanish?

Well, looks like in this, his second run for the US presidency, Bernie is still determined to court the vote of my people (i.e. The Hispanics.)

This time around though, Bernie has launched a Spanish-language Website (well, sort of) asking for donations, which doesn’t really say much about anything, except that it features a huge red button with the word DONA which –as you can imagine– is giving this blogger hope for some free donuts.

I’m not clicking it yet, but I scrolled down a bit only to find a cryptic, two-word message: lorem, lorem, which I hope is code language for Universal Healthcare and Tax the Hell out of the Billionaires.

Is this code language for Universal Healthcare?

Go, Bernie Progresivo!