Category: Marketing & Advertising

Thursday is National Tequila Day, and Some Flak Wants me to Drink Jenni Rivera Tequila

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JenniRiveraTequila
As if living in the U.S. weren’t hard enough, one has to keep track of all these national food and drink holidays, which are a lot, believe me. There’s National Vodka and Taco Day; National Tortilla Chip Day and even National Paella Day.

And while I have missed a few of these very important celebrations, I intend to celebrate in full the upcoming National Tequila Day, which will take place July 24.

But I will not be celebrating with just any tequila. Per the advice of a flak PR executive, the best way to celebrate is by opening a bottle of Jenni Rivera La Gran Señora Tequila (whose existence had also eluded me) and mix a “super terrific drink…” How about a spicy cucumber margarita?

I don’t know about you, but since I’m very receptive to PR pitches and PR people, I’ll be starting my test right away. Why wait until the 24th?

¡Salud!

Telemundo’s Adaptation of ‘Les Miserables’ Features ‘La Chule’ as Jean Valjean

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Aracely Arámbula will play the role of Lucía Durán in Telemundo's 'Les Miserables'
Aracely Arámbula will play the role of Lucía Durán in Telemundo’s ‘Les Miserables’

You can say anything about Hispanic TV networks, but they are a quite inventive bunch when it comes to Spanish-language adaptations of world-renowned dramas.

Take Telemundo, which has kicked off production of its own version of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, considered one of the greatest novels of the 19th Century. But instead of an old, boring male Jean Valjan, the role of the protagonist -who served a prison sentence for stealing a loaf of bread- will be played by none other than Aracely Arámbula, aka “La Chule” or the stunningly-blond-Mexican-mother-of-Luis-Miguel-children.

According to the Houston Chronicle, Telemundo’s upcoming telenovela is a “strange and free” adaptation of Victor Hugo’s 1862 novel, taking the adaptation all the way to the present time in a Texas town.

I’m all up for free adaptations. I mean, wouldn’t you rather see La Chule and her well-known cleavages instead of the always pathetically sad mug of Valjean? [right]

Duh.

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Yeah, I’d rather see Arámbula -and her cleavage- than this fellow.

I Want to be Friends with Whoever Translated this Thing

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After almost eight years of blogging about the wonderful world of Spanish-language media, marketing and pop culture, I’ve come across all kinds of weird, poor, lazy, bad and terrible translations from English to Spanish and viceversa.

Some are plain silly, others are just hilarious. But this one above (whose origin is still shady) takes the cake -or should I say ‘se lleva el pastel?’

NOTE: In all honesty, I think the above might just be a case of very witty Photoshop. But… oh, how I wish it were true!

Hat tip: @tropicarlitos

Believe it or Not, These Crayons are Multicultural

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MulticulturalCrayolas

I am almost embarrassed to say this, but -after all these years living in the “First World”- I did not know crayons can also be multicultural.

So apologies to the folks over at Crayola for not realizing this before. Thanks to their website -and a very “multicultural” friend of mine in Tijuana- I was able to learn that crayons come in an assortment of skin hues, rendering them, pues, multiculturales.

Hat tip: Carla Raygoza. Tijuana, B.C., the land of ¡ajúa!

 

It’s Cinco de Mayo! Time to Mix Drinks That Make no Sense

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LimeARita

I hate Cinco de Mayo in the U.S., not so much because it’s a reminder of how clueless people are about Mexican history, but because it is also the time to market some of the stupidest, senseless food & drink concoctions of all times.

Well, actually I think Bud Light’s Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita are kind of OK. The name is cute and hopefully the mix will give a little taste to such a tasteless beer. But Corona’s “CoronaRita” wins the prize of the silliest, most senseless concoction (and moniker) ever.

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Really, Corona? CoronaRita?

There is a Network of ‘Expert Latinos’ Connecting People with Latino Experts -or Something

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ExpertLatinos

Go figure.

I just found out there is an online collective of “Expert Latinos” called -ahem- Expert Latinos, which is already providing “expert Latino advice” to publications including El Diario la Prensa, Cosmopolitan Latina and La opinión. Per a press release:

Expert Latinos is an English-language tool that helps connect journalists and bloggers with Latino Experts.

I’m not quite sure if Expert Latinos is made up of mostly Latino Professionals or Professional Latinos, but I promise to find out. In the meantime, here’s their video-pitch.

Oscar Mayer Uses Image of a Flasher to Peddle Cold Cuts to Hispanics

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oscarmayer

Call me crazy, but when it comes to marketing sausages, chicken breast, bologna and other cold cuts, using the image of a flasher is not exactly a terrific idea.

I found the above Oscar Mayer ad in the latest issue of People en Español and while I was shocked to see an exhibicionista just there, exposing himself I was relieved to see he was “exhibiting” slices of turkey breast and not a giant wiener. Phew!

Photo: Laura Martínez (from People en Español)

Wiener-Snapshot

Dating a Latina Will Make you Fat [and Other Insights from Univision’s Millennial Channel]

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DatingALatinaUnivision

Looks like Univision decided NOT to listen to me, so it went ahead to launch Flama, an English-language video channel, which according to ADWEEK, has “an eye on Hispanics between ages 15 and 30,” (aka Hispanic millennials.)

The channel, which is being sponsored by condom maker Trojan and Big Mac maker McDonald’s, features videos on comedy, music, lifestyle and sports.

The following video -inexplicably tagged as comedy- is a 4-minute-plus rant about what non-Latinos should expect from dating a Latina. And no, you don’t have to spend 4:09 minutes of your life watching it.

I watched it entirely, so you don’t have to and here’s the gist of it:

  • Latinas are crazy
  • Dating a Latina will make you fat (even if they cook with Mazola)
  • We love to cook tamales and pozole and quesadillas
  • If you are going to be in a relationship with a Latina, you should consider joining  Weight Watchers
  • We [Latinas] are clingy
  • We are like your probation officer but with sex -and frijoles

Or, you can watch… But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

 

 

 

This Company Wants me to Celebrate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ by Tattooing My ‘Ta-Tas’

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Temporary breast tattoo company TaTaToos is so excited about Cinco de Mayo, it has come up with a culturally-relevant line of tattoos that promise to make your holiday -what else?- spicier.

I’m not sure what’s more depressing; if saying “tatas” instead of tetas, or having you celebrate the Battle of Puebla by imprinting some Spanish-language copy on your chest.

In any case, here’s part of the pitch from the original press release:

Make your Cinco de Mayo HOT this year with Ta*ta*toos – temporary tattoos that last up to 5 – 7 days. They are perfect to apply lower on the chest to ensure discreetness when wearing apparel and can be removed with household rubbing alcohol in less than 30 seconds!

I don’t think I’ll be celebrating a Mexican holiday by putting a tattoo on my “tatas…” Still, that part about rubbing alcohol on them sounds quite enticing.

SPAM Wants you to Give Taco Night a Kick in the Maracas

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SpamJalapeno1

There is nothing more satisfying than lying down on your sofa with People en español a good piece of literature and come face to face with the improbable: A two-page commercial for SPAM jalapeño, featuring an enlarged photo of what SPAM thinks is Mexican food.

The ad -which takes a full-page plus a one-third vertical in the April 2014 issue of People en español, includes everything you’d come to expect from made-believe Mexican food advertisements in the U.S., namely a jalapeño, a lime, a couple of plastic cactai and -what else?- a photo of Sir Can-A-Lot proudly shaking a pair of maracas.

What’s more puzzling to me, though is: Why is this ad in English and… do they really think my people would go for it?

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Sofía Vergara Launches ‘Ethnic’ Fragrance, Because One Can Never Have Enough Money

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sofia-fragranceIt has been a while since I bug you guys with Latino celebrities and their Latino fragrances, so bear with me.

A bit late, but not to be outdone by the likes of Paulina Rubio, Shakira, Antonio Banderas and even José José, the super-famous, super-rich, super-accented and super-ubiquitous Sofía Vergara is the latest Latina celebrity to announce her own fragrance, which will appear sometime in April in U.S. department stores.

In an inexplicably long article, Sofía Vergara told Women’s Wear Daily that her fragrance will have orchids and roses, not only because they are her favorite flowers, but because they are also Colombian.

“I wanted to bring a little bit of who I am, my ethnicity, where I’m from, and I thought it was very cool to be able to get flowers from Colombia actually into the perfume.” 

I am sure she said all of this in an impossibly accented English, which is fine when you consider that is part of her charm and definitely the secret behind her many millions of non-ethnic money.