Ricky Martin Opens Univision Upfront Doing What He Does Best… Tweeting

OK, I’m supposed to write a longer, more serious post about yesterday’s party marathon, but I am going to take my time, as my head is not in a good shape -yet.

In the meantime, I thought you wanted to know Ricky Martin opened Univision’s upfront in Lincoln Center by -what else?- tweeting “Viva el Español,” which was Univision’s theme for this year presentation.

Microsoft Takes Telenovela Approach to Pitch Bing

I was watching Jay Leno the other night, when I bumped into the following commercial -entirely in Spanish. For a second I thought I had sat down on my remote and the channel had switched back accidentally to Univision. But… nope.  This ad was running on NBC and is still airing on most English-language nets.

A friend tells me this spot is part of a bigger plan by Microsoft to tap into the so-called “Hispanic Millenials” (whatever that might be). I just love the fact that Los Links are Evil, and that la muchacha is stolen away in a white horse -all of this while another cute muchacha keeps dusting the furniture in the background.

Hat tip: The Green Beetle

Going to Arizona? Don’t Forget Your Gringo Mask!

Miami-based Ad shop Zubi Advertising has come up with an infallible way to find your way around Arizona without being pulled over: The Gringo Mask, an easy to download, cut and wear mask that will make you look like anything except a “brown person.”

According to Zubi, “There have been over 155,000 hits to GringoMask.com in the past three days, the mask has over 1,700 fans on Facebook and is the number one result on Google when searching for Gringo.”

Which is, like, great, because as I have been saying for many years now, there’s nothing like the power of the Internet to annoy the hell out of stupid people, particularly Arizona politicians.

I have already downloaded mine and I must say I’m loving it, except I live in Harlem so I’m not sure it will be wise to be walking around wearing the thing around here… but that’s another story…

Arizona’s Immigration Bill Opens World of Business Opportunities for this Blogger

After several days ruminating about what to do and how to go about Arizona’s sb1070s, this blogger decided to take the creative route and embrace the entrepreneurial spirit that only “America” can offer its immigrants.

So, without further ado… here is my latest creation and what I believe will become my main source of income starting today and until I get caught -and punished- by the migra for making fun of anti-immigration laws.

[I just hope it will be as popular as my previous one]

Attention, Immigrants: Coming Up on the War Against Us: The SUV-Mounted Gun

If you thought anti-immigration efforts were going to stop at racial profiling and sending of UFO’s to the border, think again.

The new tool against the war on us, immigrants, is the Dillon Aero SUV Mounted Gun, a “high-powered rifle mounted on top of law enforcement trucks.”

Proudly introduced this year at the Border Security Expo in -where else? Arizona- this baby can blast up to 3,000 bullets per minute, which we figure should be enough to help Ms. Brewer rid her State of unwanted gardeners, cooks, janitors, bus boys, etc.

After all, as the company’s tag line goes:

“He who shoots the fastest. Wins.”

¡Ay, nanita!

Censored ‘Fortune’ Cover Featured Guantánamo Prisoners, Mexican Workers, Sinking Homes

So this is the cover Fortune magazine first assigned to comic book artist Chris Ware, who chose an accurate -and clearly uncomfortable- way to depict modern capitalism.

According to Chicagoist, Ware was asked to design the May cover of the magazine, but his final product, which featured Guantánamo Bay prisoners, Mexican factory workers, and a few potshots at money-grubbing politicians was apparently not what Fortune had in mind.

So here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Ah… don’t you just love the Internet?

Arizona, The Land of Wonder… I Wonder How Long I Could Go Without Being Arrested

According to the state’s official tourism visitor guide, Arizona is a Land of Wonder; a place where you can plan a “Grand” vacation filled with fun activities including hiking, biking, rafting and even mule-riding.

What I find most fascinating, though, is the fact that the guide highlights the state’s proximity to Mexico, and actually encourages tourists to visit Mexico:

“Mexico boasts cultural festivals, heritage areas, colonial towns, pre-Colombian history such as Mayan and Aztec ruins, and much more. […] Tourists can take advantage of the great beaches, archeological zones, music, art, food, and cultural experiences.”

Ah…. so now I finally get it!

What this whole thing means is: If you want to see Mexicans, or anything related to Mexico’s culture or heritage, you’ll be better off taking a car and cross the border; chances are you will not see any of that around here anymore.

[Oh, and please don’t worry; Mexican cops are not into racial-profiling. They are equal opportunity shooters.]

Come Retire in Mexico! No Spanish Required

Despite all the bad news you’ve been reading lately about Mexico, there are places that just continue to attract large groups of Americans. And no, we’re not talking spring-breakers in Cancún.

According to Veteran’s Today (this blogger’s daily source of fresh news), Lake Chapala has become the number one retirement destination for U.S. veterans, partly because of its near perfect weather and low cost of living, but mostly -I suspect- because as the article states, “You can get by without Spanish.”

Which is, like, great, because if you didn’t need to learn any other language throughout your live, why start now?

Other advantages cited include -but are not limited to- “high quality health care, and pharmacies, with many bilingual professionals trained in the U.S. or Canada.”

[If none of this sounds attractive enough, think about it this way: wouldn’t you just love to hang out with your retired buddies while some local woman dances and prances around in a colorful dress and wearing a gigantic hat?]

Good Lord! Procter & Gamble Preps ‘Pedro & María,’ a Hispanic Version of ‘Romeo & Juliet’

And just when you thought Hispanic television couldn’t get any more entertaining [read it with irony, please] former NBC exec Ben Silverman is ready to give us a new telenovela (both in English and Spanish) to be called Pedro & María, and billed as “modern-day version of Romeo & Juliet.”

The show will be brought to you by Procter & Gamble (which the press continues to call “Proctor & Gamble“) and “will give its audience the ability to vote on the direction the characters and story lines take.”

So, without further ado, here’s my vote: Have Pedro and María take a swig of poison during the first episode and spare us the whole thing. Will you?

As for “Hispanic” adaptations of Romeo & Juliet, this blogger will stick to her favorite one, the one and only, brought to you by Mario Moreno Reyes himself.