Category: Marketing & Advertising

Come Retire in Mexico! No Spanish Required

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Despite all the bad news you’ve been reading lately about Mexico, there are places that just continue to attract large groups of Americans. And no, we’re not talking spring-breakers in Cancún.

According to Veteran’s Today (this blogger’s daily source of fresh news), Lake Chapala has become the number one retirement destination for U.S. veterans, partly because of its near perfect weather and low cost of living, but mostly -I suspect- because as the article states, “You can get by without Spanish.”

Which is, like, great, because if you didn’t need to learn any other language throughout your live, why start now?

Other advantages cited include -but are not limited to- “high quality health care, and pharmacies, with many bilingual professionals trained in the U.S. or Canada.”

[If none of this sounds attractive enough, think about it this way: wouldn’t you just love to hang out with your retired buddies while some local woman dances and prances around in a colorful dress and wearing a gigantic hat?]

Good Lord! Procter & Gamble Preps ‘Pedro & María,’ a Hispanic Version of ‘Romeo & Juliet’

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And just when you thought Hispanic television couldn’t get any more entertaining [read it with irony, please] former NBC exec Ben Silverman is ready to give us a new telenovela (both in English and Spanish) to be called Pedro & María, and billed as “modern-day version of Romeo & Juliet.”

The show will be brought to you by Procter & Gamble (which the press continues to call “Proctor & Gamble“) and “will give its audience the ability to vote on the direction the characters and story lines take.”

So, without further ado, here’s my vote: Have Pedro and María take a swig of poison during the first episode and spare us the whole thing. Will you?

As for “Hispanic” adaptations of Romeo & Juliet, this blogger will stick to her favorite one, the one and only, brought to you by Mario Moreno Reyes himself.

Top 10 Factors That Will Make Your Company Attractive to Latinos

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As some of you must know, Diversity Inc. this week released its Top Ten Companies for Latinos, which lists the firms that “create an inclusive place for Latino workers” and the factors that make a corporation attractive to a Latino workforce.

Not to be outdone, a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, sent this blogger his own Top Ten list, which I honestly think it’s sooooo much better. Here it is:

1. They serve café cubano, arroz con gandules and real tacos in the company cafeteria.
2. The CEO speaks more Spanish than Telemundo’s Don Browne or Univision’s Joe Uva.
3. The human resource director’s office has a sign on the door that reads, “No green card? No problem.”
4. They play Latin music in the elevators
5. There are special rooms where employees can take a siesta
6. Extra large parking spaces to accommodate employee trocas
7. Company-sanctioned fifteen-minute bochinche break every day
8. The company plans to shut down during important World Cup matches this summer
9. The employee benefits package includes free consultations with an immigration lawyer
10. The lobby and waiting areas are well-stocked with copies of TVyNotas

Do you have any other that would make your office life less miserable more fun?

Dennis Haysbert Now Speaks ‘Español’

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Who said only Cristina or Don Francisco could endorse your product en español?

Dennis Haysbert, whose baritone voice has assured us like, forever, that with Allstate we are in “Good Hands,” now wants you to to know that with Allstate you are en “Buenas manos.” Haysbert this month made his Spanish-language debut in a series of television commercials now airing on most Hispanic networks.

Longoria Reveals Yet Another Artistic Quality

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Not content with having achieved a successful career as a television star, restaurateur, philanthropist and museum buff, my favorite retro-acculturated Latina, Eva Longoria, is ready to make a splash in the world of documentary filmmaking.

As an official Pepsi spokesperson, Longoria is set to direct and produce an intriguing documentary about Hispanics and how our experiences “have helped shape the American landscape,” which I think has nothing to do with landscaping, but you never know.

Eva’s documentary is part of a bigger effort, inexplicably called “Yo Sumo” and launched by Pepsi to show how U.S. Hispanics count, contamos or -as the company will have you believe- sumamos.
I personally want to sumar my voice and congratulate Mrs. Longoria Parker on her new venture, although I fear it might interfere with her role as an active member of the CSPCNMAL. Only time will tell.

Don Francisco Wants You to Eat “Italian” Food

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Ah…. marketing minds never stop working!

In the latest effort to tap into Hispanics’ fat wallets -and even fatter selves– restaurant chain Olive Garden is sending Univision’s Don Francisco to Tuscany, because it’s there -and not on the Food Network- where the company trains its chefs. According to Advertising Age:

The legendary TV host will visit Olive Garden’s Culinary Institute in Tuscany in a segment airing this Saturday night on Sábado Gigante. He accompanies Margarita Ibarra, the young chef who won Olive Garden’s “Cocinando un Sueño” (“Cooking a Dream”) contest.

But wait! Olive Garden’s Hispanic effort doesn’t stop there. The company is proud to tell us that all its 600 restaurants have menus in Spanish, which is, like, great, because Hispanics might not know Lasagna is Lasaña and Pasta Primavera is, well, Pasta Primavera.

That’s it. I’m getting hungry, so I’m off to my nearest Olive Garden to get a taste of Don Francisco-endorsed food and pretend I never heard about Dr. Manny.

Salma Hayek Wants to Clean Your Guts… and Apparently Also Your Wallet

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Not content with being married to, like, one of the richest men on the planet, Mexican bombshell Salma Hayek is launching Cooler Cleanse, a line of “hydraulically pressed cleansing juices” aimed at making us all look fabulous… just like her.

According to TMZ.com serious journalistic sources, Cooler Cleanse comes in 5 gut-busting flavors: green juice, grapefruit mint, beets and apples, young coconut water, and nut milk sweetened with dates.

Salma’s “hydraulic diet” is said to cost about $58 a day, which is kind of OK if you’re married to a millionaire and all.

Personally, my finances are “hydraulically squeezed” right now, so I will stick to Dr. Manny’s advice and run to my nearest bodega for my $2-a-pound bag of tomatillos.

Tostitos Ad Makes Me Want to Move to Seville and Eat Lots of Fake Mexican Food

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I’m sure you’ve read all the complaints about the Tostitos ad that premiered this year during the Super Bowl. Some bloggers have rightly stated that it only perpetuates the stereotypical image of Latin women, while others simply fail to see the connection between gringo-made salsa and flamenco dancing.

As for this blogger, there is only one thing I’d really like to know: Where is this lady’s nose?!! Anyone?

I Missed National Tortilla Chip Day. I’m Now Officially Ashamed of Myself

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I guess I’ve been in this country far too long… So long, that I spent the whole day yesterday (Feb. 24) worrying about the whole re-design of the hot-dog thing, and failed to acknowledge it was National Tortilla Chip Day.

This holiday, so they tell me, is honored by millions of Mexicans -and Mexican food-lovers- nationwide, and calls for a day-long visit to your favorite Mexican eatery looking for the best dips and salsas around.

Alas, I totally missed it.

I just hope my dozens thousands of readers will forgive this blogger for the oversight. I can only promise to pay better attention in the future to such matters concerning my heritage.

[In the meantime, I’m off to my weekly meeting to discuss the upcoming -and inevitable- re-design of the torta de tamal.]

José José Becomes Latest Hispanic Famous Person to Launch Fragrance

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Mexican legendary singer José-José has joined the throngs of Latino celebrities pitching a fragrance of their own. But unlike other Latino-themed aromas, the proceeds from José-José’s eau de parfum (should there be any) are expected to help the fight against HIV.

Other Latin luminaries flaunting their own aroma and whose sales might -or might not- go to a charitable cause- include Paulina Rubio, who launched Oro in 2009; Rafa Márquez, with RM, la Esencia del Triunfo; Antonio Banderas, with “masculine’ scents Spirit, Diavolo and Mediterraneo (Ay, ay, ay!) Niurka Marcos’ con feromonas thing, Alejandro Sanz, David Bisbal and, of course, Jennifer Lopez’ Glow.

Green with envy, this blogger has started working on her own smelly concoction: “My Smell is Your Smell,” available soon in your nearest bodega.

Slipped on Banana Peel? ‘Meta un Sú’ and Don’t Let a Douchebag Ruin Your Life

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If you ever need to sue somebody in “Cuban” and –more specifically– in Miami, you’d be better off hiring a professional lawyer and, more importantly, stay away from the douchebags (mequetrefes).

By using the wonderful, un-translatable and cubanísimo concept of meter un sú (to sue somebody) a company in Bloca Raton, Fla. urges U.S. Hispanics to look for the best legal counsel instead of letting some mequetrefe (incompetent fool?) ruin your life as a consequence of an accident.

According to Metounsu.com, theirs is the place to go online when one seeks to meter un sú, whether you’ve been bitten by a dog, being involved in a car accident or -as their logo suggests- slipped on banana peel.

Mexico Urges UNESCO to Protect Its Food Before it Looks Like This

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Not content with having Teotihuacán and Chichen Itzá among UNESCO’s protected cultural sites, Mexican officials are lobbying the organization to consider something even more worthy of recognition: Mexican cuisine.

Despite undergoing the country’s worst political and economic crisis in decades (and having organized crime virtually running the country,) Mexican cultural buffs, are urging U.N. officials to decide whether to add Mexico’s food to UNESCO’s list of cultural patrimony.

Such decision is of utmost importance, especially when one looks at the progress made in the Mexican culinary area by the likes of McDonald’s, Old El Paso and Chipotle.

So, please, U.N. officials: Show some respect to our tamales!

Landon Donovan Tries to Trick the Mexican Migra

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Before you cringe -and call the Latino stereotype police, I’d like to tell you that the following ad -pitching Grupo Televisa’s Gana Gol lottery game- was created, written and filmed in Mexico… by Mexicans.

And no, I don’t think it’s offensive. [I actually find it funny, especially when Donovan calls the border agent “leeeeero”… ja, ja, ja.]

[https://youtu.be/A6zsw2rec6Q]

It’s NOT the Network. It’s la Fiesta Total!

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I suppose my career counselor was right when he said advertising was not for me. Otherwise, how could I possibly explain my failure to conceive a creative piece like the one below? Showing mariachis and folkloric dancers to show your cellphone provider has coverage in Mexico??!

Shame on me.

Still, there are other creative pieces I like much better, at least in their use of the ubiquitous Mariachi, including French’s, Lucas and CNN Expansión. [Not to mention, of course, political campaigns like that of Miss Meg Whitman in California.]