Your one-stop shop for all things Latin/Hispanic/Mexican
Tired of your same old boring cologne? Puerto Rican reggaetonero has a tip for you: wear his new fragrance and you’ll have not one but two beauties running around the house looking to have a ménage á trois.
(It’s not the cash, the Rolls Royce nor the liters of liquor you stock at home: the secret is in your smell.)
I’m sure you heard all about it: Dora the Explorer is getting a sexy makeover, and while Mattel and Nickelodeon have only released a silhouette, the new Dora is sure to make your palms sweaty (Well, not really):
“The revamped Dora shows her with long locks, a short skirt and pointed ballet pumps.”
Meanwhile, a group of idle concerned mothers have filed an online petition to ban the new look asking: “What next? Dora the Cheerleader? Dora the fashionista with stylish purse and stilettos? Dora the Pop Star with Hoppin’ Dance Club and “Juice” Bar?”
And, may I add: What about Dora, the Spanish-language broadcast weather girl featuring a good pair? Anyone?
There are only a few companies that know how to pitch a product to their target market. And NaCo is one of them.
In their most recent pitch, NaCo creators this week launched the “fútbol prayer tee,” featuring the image of Mexico’s coach Sven-Göran Eriksson as an winged angel holding a soccer ball with the name San Eriksson on it. Because, you know, there is no other way we’ll ever make it to South Africa.
Is there?
Remember the culturally-relevant padlock, which allowed Hispanics to set their combination in Spanish?
Well, a company in St. Louis, Missouri is now launching Blue Selecto, the “first Spanish-language only programmable thermostat” in the market. The gadget, says Emerson Climate Technologies, was the result of “exhaustive” research that showed that “most Spanish-speaking homeowners feel enthusiastic about the opportunity to use an accurate digital thermostat in their own language.”
I couldn’t agree more, because there is nothing more reassuring than knowing Vent is short for Ventilación (not Ventilation;) Temp is short Temperatura, not Temperatura and so on.
(Oh, and just in case you were wondering: 70 in Spanish is also 70.)
There is nothing like a thick, white moustache to show the world how good you are are doing… what?
Drink milk. I guess.
Heinz seems to know a lot about beans, their heavy accent, heritage and struggle, especially what they can learn from their mother.
“Why be nice when you can be mean? She was a mean bean, my mother. But I’m one mean son of a bean.”
Hat tip: Carla Raygoza
Remember those glorious days when Lady Liberty was a mere symbol of freedom and enlightenment?
Well, folks, that is nothing but gone now. In these turbulent times, in which only U.S. Latinos seem to be the only ones who can afford to buy anything, Lady Liberty herself has been forced to take up the iron and work hard at pitching dry cleaning services… in Mexico.
Who knew the llama eterna would end up becoming the plancha eterna? Ay, Dios!
Hat tip to paisano, and loyal Miblogestublog follower Rafael Carballo.
Forget Papi Chulo and Mamacita teddy bears. In these turbulent economic times, why pay for a stuffed animal when you can get yourself some aquatic, battery-enabled entertainment?
This Limited Edition Dora Aquapet takes 2 AA batteries and promises a lifetime of pleasure next to our favorite Latin niña, Dora the Explorer. Oh, and unlike Vermont’s Latin teddy bears, which go for as much as $79.95, this beauty is only $19.95!
Happy Valentine’s Day.
(Todo con exceso, nada con medida.)
With this portable electronic rosary player, all you have to do is push a button to be able to pray the rosary in only 26 minutes: You can pray while you walk, cook, drive or rest. Yes, you can. And it’s only like, four easy payments of $240 pesos each*.
“I don’t have to go to church anymore. My granddaughter gave me this little thing and it’s really wonderful,” says one happy user.
“This is like praying with the Virgin herself,” adds another one –who goes by the name of Karolina Preciado Domit.
So, what are you waiting for? (Hurry! the peso has just devalued another 50% against the U.S. dollar, so this gadget is truly a bargain.)
*No incluye baterías. Los resultados pueden variar. No se garantizan milagros. No incluye cuentitas.
Wondering what Latinos are planning to do with our trillion dollars worth of purchasing power?… We’re buying Latin-themed teddy bears!
Looking to tap into our allegedly HUGE economic potential (even if most of us are out of work) the Vermont Teddy Bear Company not only has launched a Spanish-language Web site, but is now pitching its very own Hispanic-targeted teddy bears, because -you know- Latinos love to give each other Latin-themed gifts.
“In addition to our line of over 100 bears for hobbies, occupations, sports and Valentine’s Day, we developed a Mamacita Bear, Papi Chulo, El Amante with an AMOR tattoo, a Te Amo bear and a Latin Lover bear,” Irene Steiner, marketing manager for Vermont Teddy Bear, told Portada magazine.
Alas, these bundles of furry, Latin joy don’t come cheap: Osita mamacita sells for as much as $69.95, while leather pant-wearing Latin Lover (my personal favorite) is “only” $79.95. But that’s OK, I guess. We’ve got the love… and the dough!
If you follow New York City media, I’m sure you are now familiar with the plight of Melody Morales, who is suing Manhattans’ Hawaiian Tropic eatery for alleged discrimination. Their crime? Despite Morales’ “stunning figure” and her being really comfy wearing a bikini at work, she was refused a job for not “speaking white.”
“I don’t want to brag, but I look great in a bikini. I have great curves, tits, and just love to dress sexy,” the half Puerto Rican half Dominican told El Diario La Prensa. Alas, the hiring manager wanted none of that, saying her Latino accent would only ruin his business.
See? I always knew having an accent was going to hamper my chances of going to places in the U.S. And that is why I’m not rushing to send in my resume to Hawaiian Tropic (even if they are hiring… and they’re, like, a few blocks from home. Damn it!)
Wanna go to Mexico but cannot afford to lose all your dinerito at the hands of some very mean people? Worry no more: the Melbourne, Australia branch of STA Travel has a plan for you. For only $2.60 a day, you can insure your trip to Mexico; enjoy the thrills of being mugged and bring back some cool stories to tell your friends. And with all the extra savings, you may even be able to afford a gun.
(And you thought Mexico was only about beaches, mariachis, tequila and big-breasted mexicanas. Shame on you!)
Photo: Ballardian
Mexico City’s largest newspaper Reforma this week launched Legal Alien, a daily videoblog chronicling the “tough life” of a Mexican immigrant in the U.S.
“What is it with Mexico that many of us are coming to this country, either swimming [across the river] or even hiding under a truck?” laments Alonso Castillo, who looks more like a member of RBD than a Mexican immigrant starving for work opportunities.
Some of the readers’ comments to Castillo’s postings are pretty hilarious, including some begging him to get a job in Televisa. Alas, most encourage him to go on, because, you know, if you are a reader of Reforma, chances most of your Mexican friends and relatives now living in Miami look exactly like Castillo.
Extra! Extra! Vicks can harm your children. Oh, and this news has been brought to you by… Vicks.
From this morning’s Yahoo News.
Finally, a social networking site has been put to some fucked up use. BlueServo, a social networking site you’ve probably never heard of, has partnered with the Texas Border Sheriff’s Coalition to launch Virtual Stakeout operation, a $2 million initiative involving a series of web cams placed along the Texas-Mexico border allowing the average Joe to become a Minuteman of sort.
According to their own press release, the pitch is real simple: Help us catch real Mexicans on real time!
It is not yet clear what the virtual deputies will get as a reward other than the possibility of making their lives a bit less dull. (I am told thousands of people from around the country have signed on to become virtual deputies, including a few dozens in Aquilla, Ohio.)
