Category: Stupid propositions

New Mexico Taquería Serves Food Items with Names like ‘The Wall,’ ‘Fake News’ –and Plenty of Typos

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Would you eat a burrito with a name such as “Lock Her Up?”

I didn’t think so, but someone does.

Hanif Mohamed, a Muslim immigrant from Kenya, had the not-so-swell idea to open a taquería in Albuquerque with items he hopes will make us crave for his Mexican “food.” Urban Taquería‘s food items include tacos & burritos with bizarre names like “No Collusion,” “The Wall,” “Under Audit,” “Executive Privilege,” and –of course– “Bad Hombre.”

Mohamed –who by the way cannot stand President Trump– told The Washington Post that tacos such as “Bad Hombre” and “Fake News” and burritos such as “The Wall” and “Lock Her Up” “are meant to start political conversations and keep people talking about Trump’s rhetoric.” 

Maybe, Mr. Mohamed, but what’s with the chipotle arbol and the carne adovada? That’s already a no no for this Spanish grammar-obsessed blogger, so I think I’ll pass on your “conversation.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on your habañero mayonnaise…

Adovada? Ay!

 

Photo via: CNN

Spectrum Wants you to Believe this Survey is in Spanish

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¿Estrimeando? No, gracias

Spectrum Latino –which I believe is like “regular Spectrum,” but Latino– is determined to engage with its Hispanic consumers across social media. Its latest effort comes in the form of a Twitter survey, in which the company wants to hear our opinions in our own language.

Sort of…

In the survey, posted this week on Spectrum Latino’s Twitter account, the company wants to know what we (i.e. The Hispanics) do with our phones, whether we use them mostly to take pictures, make phone calls, send texts or stream content. But the options are written in a bizarre, non-existing language resulting in words like “estrimeando” and “fotografeando” (presumably “streaming” and “taking photographs.”

Anyhow, here’s the original tweet but, more importantly, the replies, which are gold:

Mattel Preps a ‘Barbie Día de Muertos,’ Because Mexican Barbie and Barbie Frida Kahlo Weren’t Enough

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Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some gringos dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Anyhow, in a move that I can only interpret as spite –and to mess up with me and my fellow Mexicans– Mattel on Tuesday announced the upcoming launch of a Day of the Dead-themed Barbie to be called –what else?– Barbie Día de Muertos. Duh.

According to an unnecessarily long press release: Barbie Día de Muertos will feature a “long, embroidered dress decorated with flowers and butterflies. The final touch is completed by a crown with the iconic monarch butterflies and the cempasúchitl flower to honor, in every way, the symbols and offerings of this emblematic Mexican tradition.”

And I thought Barbie Frida Kahlo was pathetic. Now if you excuse me, I’m off to find a non-pumpkin-spiced triple shot of mezcal or something.

[SIGH]

Via: Yahoo News

Eva Longoria to Direct Movie about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Yay!

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Spicy snacks and Latinos in Hollywood? Count me in!

Eva Longoria (aka this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) has landed the directing gig of movie about Richard Montanez, none other than the creator of the spicy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos snack.

The Fox Searchlight biopic will tell the story of Montanez as he went from working as a janitor at Frito-Lay to achieve the American Dream (namely, to create a very spicy botana for the hungry masses.)

According to press reports, Montanez’ spicy creation was reportedly “inspired by the flavors of his community, helped revitalize the company and disrupted the food industry, creating a pop culture phenomenon that continues today.” Because, if there’s something Latinos (especially Mexicans) are good at is at spicing up the lives of others.

Say what you will about Mrs. Longoria or Cheetos. I’m all up for spicy and more Latinos (retroacculturated or not) in Hollywood.

Via: CNN

Being Hispanic in America Used to Be Challenging; Now It’s Outright Dangerous 😱

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I’m not going to lie: These days –after many, many years living on this side of the border– I’ve become increasingly uneasy about doing things that I normally would do in public: Speak Spanish, wear hoop earrings, say outloud I’m Mexican a mucha honra, etc. etc.

The reason? As I keep saying on Twitter, being a minority in America used to be difficult, yes, but now it’s just plain dangerous.

Barely days after an anti-Mexican nutcase shot dozens of people in a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, many of them fatally, another member of the “I Am a White Dude Who Hates Hispanics” clan was arrested after making a series of social media threats against Hispanics in the Miami area.

According to multiple press reports, Eric Lin, a Maryland native, sent a bunch of threatening messages on Facebook professing his nazi beliefs, and vowing to exterminate the entire “Latin Race” [sic] which he also referred to as “rabid dogs.”

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Lin then went on to praise the “great president” of this nation, who as we all know kicked off his presidential campaign by calling us criminals, drug-dealers and rapists.

Coincidence? Ummmmmm….

Portland Is Hosting a Topless Taco Festival, Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

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Have you always wanted to eat tacos and burritos while naked? Here’s your chance!

In an effort to raise funds –and awareness– around breast cancer, Portland is hosting a… Topless Taco Festival where visitors are encouraged to come topless for the tacos and booty short-clad for the burritos.

And no, unfortunately this is not some sort of joke or fake news, but an actual event that is scheduled to take place in Portland on August 17. Why? Because apparently nothing says fight cancer like being naked while eating tacos.

Filing under ONLY IN AMERICA and STUPID PROPOSITIONS.

Via: Facebook

Still Can’t Cut a Damn Avocado? The Flexicado is Here to Help

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Undeterred by the imminent danger posed by life-threatening avocados, non-Mexican hipsters simply refuse to give up their fascination with avo-toast (i.e. pan con aguacate) and other nonsensical avo-related things. So, they have come up with a solution…

I give you the Flexicado, an “avocado slicer” that will fit all sizes of avocados and –hopefully– will put an end to avocado-related injuries.

Filing this under #PinchesHipsters

Hat tip: San Francisco avocado correspondent Jessica Dolcourt

There’s a Taco Bell Hotel in the Works and I Can’t Even

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Not content with giving the mighty taco a VERY BAD NAME, Taco Bell is close to opening The Bell, a Taco Bell-themed pop-up hotel, which has some people really excited –for some reason.

According to an inexplicably long news article about this thing:

At 10am PT on June 27 you will be able to book your stay at The Bell. The first check-ins for the four-day pop-up begin on August 8. There’s no minimum stay, so you can even just pop in for a single evening.

Activities will include the brand’s Freeze Lounge, live performances from artists and –wait for it– a salon offering taco-inspired nail art.

Send in the nukes. I’m ready….

Via: Desert Sun

No, Australia, We Don’t Want your Hideous Pineapple Burrito

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Turns out June 27 is World Pineapple Day (for some reason) so Australian fast-food chain Mad Mex decided to release its first pineapple burrito, a “limited edition” thing that –thank God– will be available only in Australia.

In an unnecessarily long news article, Mad Mex CEO Clovis Young said “he was prepared for the public backlash,” but wanted to help answer the question of whether pineapple should be a staple in Mexican food.

OK, Mr. Clovis Young, here’s your answer. Yes, we’ll allow some pineapple (maybe) in a VERY GOOD set of tacos al pastor made in Mexico, by real Mexican taqueros. So no, it shouldn’t be a part of that hideous thing you dare call a “Mexican staple food.”

You are welcome.

 

Carolina Herrera Vows to Make Sarapes Great Again!

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Sarapewear

Move over Michael Kors’ jerga fashion, the next big thing in Mexican-inspired fashion comes courtesy of Carolina Herrera, who is launching her “unique” Mexico-inspired collection.

According to Atlanta-born Wes Gordon, creative director of the Carolina Herrera brand, the 2020 Mexico collection draws its inspiration from the traditional “sarape, embroidered flowers and the cempasúchitl flower to bring to life one of the most vibrant –and visually rich– Carolina Herrera collections.” TRANSLATION: It’s basically another case of ripping off the traditional embroidery and designs of local indigenous peoples.

Please note that the models are NOT inspired on the looks of said indigenous peoples… 

Mexico-Inspired…

Inspiration?

Photo via Vogue México

Bill de Blassio Has no Idea What Condón Means in Spanish

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Ever since he announced he’s running for president in 2020, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has been using a very special hashtag in the hopes it will go viral. Nothing wrong with tapping on the power of social media to get traction, except that the hashtag in question is –wait for it– #ConDon.

Not only he has posed alongside supporters holding a #ConDon sign, but he’s even sending out very special mailers (below) asking Americans to contribute and support his campaign. Apparently, De Blasio’s #ConDon thing has something to do with Donald Trump, but I will never know because every time I read #ConDon, I cannot help but think about these things.

One thing, though, Mr. De Blasio: If you’re going to advocate for people wearing preservatives… use an accent over the “o” will ya?

Photo via: Juan Manuel Benitez

Brace Yourselves: The Gentrification of Veladoras Is Here

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Prayer candles, better known among my people (i.e. The Hispanics) as veladoras, are making a splash among the avocado-loving millennial, non-Latin, non-religious crowd pushing their prices so high that you will wanna start praying for a raise.

According to this Vox.com article, a prayer candle featuring the likes of Elizabeth Warren, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or Jonathan Van Ness (because they all kind of are in the same  business) can cost up to $12, compared to a regular prayer candle, which you’ll find pretty much anywhere in the USA for $2 –or for very few pesitos in any Latin American street market.

University professors and religious studies experts claim this is yet another sign of the decline of religious affiliation of Americans and some even go as far as to call these colorful candles “blasphemous” and a “direct threat to the Catholic faith.”

I don’t know much about that, but consider yourselves warned: The gentrification of veladoras is here to stay.

Via: Vox.com

Tequila Cazadores Wants me to Put a ‘Summer of Tacos Calendar’ on my Desk –for Some Reason

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Marketing professionals are one creative bunch.

Not content with bringing to market some awesome, creative and stupid products (i.e. the avocado toast sneakers or the Throw Throw Burrito Game) they have now conceived another innovative thing…

I give you… the Summer of Tacos daily desk calendar, a thing that promises to have me dreaming of tacos every day of the week.

The idea, writes some marketing person apparently with a straight face, is “to celebrate the unofficial start of summer and its most notorious pairing, tacos and tequila.”

These calendars –which are being pitched as a must-have desk accessory– feature word puzzles, cocktail recipes and “taco facts to impress colleagues with at the water cooler.”

Listen, people, I dream of tacos every day and no, I don’t need your must-have desk accesory. *inserts eye roll emoji*

Alexa Will Soon Speak Spanish –and it’s about Time!

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According to numerous reports, Amazon is asking customers to participate in a program that will help the company build “a Spanish-language Alexa experience” for U.S. users. The program, which is currently invite-only, “will allow Amazon to incorporate into the U.S. Spanish-language experience a better understanding of things like word choice and local humor.”

This couldn’t come soon enough because last time we checked, Alexa was doing *this*…

Via: CNET.com