This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing tool known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline using the #CincoDeMayo hashtag. This has only begun, so, please help me by tweeting me your own personal horrors for 2021 Cinco de Mayo and let the “Mexican” madness begin!
Got extra $40 and no shame? I got the perfect thing for you!
The Nostalgia Taco Tuesday Heated Lazy Susan Topping Bar is a fun way to get together on Taco Tuesday and share hideous, non-taco tacos with your friends. The set costs “only” $39.99 (plus shipping) and promises to hold as much plasticky, fake Mexican food you can imagine!
According to its creators, this thing’s Lazy Susan Design “makes it easy to share across the table” and features a “removable warming pot and topping trays.”
Heck, there’s even a video showing how a “timeless tradition has been made more convenient.”
But, what makes this thing a taco? I’m glad you asked! “The taco flavor serves up gyoza nestled in a hot dog bun topped with a spicy sauce with chopped tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and jalapeños and a rich cheese sauce.”
I never heard of this Mexican restaurant before, nor I’ve ever set foot in Bristol Virginia, but if their tacos are as good as its name, I envision a bright future for these people. Oh, and I want to buy shares or something.
Mexican electoral authorities are calling on chilangos (as Mexico City residents are known) living abroad to take part in the 2010 election and vote for a “Diputación migrante.” What this basically means is that migrants hailing from the city capital will be able to cast a vote for representation at the Mexico City Congress.
And what better way to convince chilangos to take part than using some of the things that make our heart beat the hardest? Tacos al pastor; tortas de tamal and trajineras.
As Mexico’s Electoral Institute (INE) inform us on a dedicated Website, being a chilango without a voting document is equivalent to really dull things: Like a taco al pastor without pineapple; a guajolota (torta of tamal) without bolillo or a trajinera without a name.
This blogger better go sign up for this thing ASAP.
Well, the General Mills’ owned brand is back in the news, now with the launch of “Tortilla Pockets Kits,” because apparently their target consumers are too dumb to eat a regular taco made with real tortillas.
Tortilla Pockets, say their creators, “are sealed at the bottom to offer a mess-free solution at mealtimes and are ideal for a quick bite on the go.” And, no, this is not a joke. They’re already on sale in England and Australia.
Oh and “food” writers and editors seem to totally dig them!
“Eating tacos is a precarious business. After years of practise, few of us have perfected the fine art of filling a taco and getting it into our mouths without losing half of it to the floor,” writes Erina Starkey, a restaurant and news editor in Australia, which -granted- is not really known for its Mexican gastronomy. “The nifty pocket design provides a perfect cup for filling up with mince, cheese and salad so you never have to worry about dry-cleaning those salsa stains again.”
Looks like advocating for equality and social justice doesn’t go down well among some people. Take some Iowans, who found a sign posted outside a Mexican restaurant a little too… politically correct.
The story goes like this. Alfonso Medina, owner of La Carreta Mexican Grill in Marshalltown, Iowa, had placed the below sign outside his restaurant as a way to take a stand in favor of science, social justice, equality… crazy, right?
According to CNN, the offending sign brought lots of hate mail to Mr. Medina, including one letter that actually blew up on social media. Said letter came from a customer, who addressed Mr. Medina by name, said he had recently spent a lot of money in his restaurant but that –upon seeing the sign– he’d never eat there again. This person actually ended the misive by calling Medina “a leftist Marxist.”
Not content with having desecrated tacos, quesadillas and the like, Taco Bell has its eyes on destroying yet another one of this blogger’s favorite things: Alcoholic beverages.
Turns out the ubiquitous American “food” chain is launching Jalapeño Noir, a new red wine to pair with your Cheesy Chalupa, because… WHY THE HELL NOT?
Fortunately for this blogger, this thing is only being released in Canada and is tied to Taco Bell Canada’s introduction of the new Toasted Cheesy Chalupa [don’t ask.] Per an unnecessarily long press release: “The new chalupa variation features six-month aged sharp cheddar cheese toasted onto the iconic chalupa shell to create a crispy blanket of flavour and texture” which should pair well with “notes of wild strawberry, cherry and beetroot in this silky limited-edition red wine.”
Domino’s Pizza decided it was a good idea to launch a “chicken-taco pizza,” a hideous combination of grilled chicken, cheese, onions, tomatoes, green peppers and –what else?– taco seasoning.
“We’re excited to add even more options to our lineup of delicious specialty pizzas,” said Art D’Elia, Domino’s executive vicepresident, apparently with a straight face, in a press release.
As the pizza chain explains, “the flavors are based on foods that –unlike pizza– typically don’t deliver well. For example, if you order tacos, there’s a chance they’ll be soggy by the time they arrive at your door. Same with burgers.” Tsssssss….
I can’t, really I just literally can’t.
No, it’s not a glitch in the matrix. Yes, this is real life.
Say hello to our NEW Chicken Taco & Cheeseburger Specialty Pizzas! Finally, a 🌮 & 🍔 designed to be delivered. pic.twitter.com/tS7ZEtp0MI
And just because 2020 couldn’t punish us enough, Lay’s has decided to turn two iconic Mexican dishes into … snacks in a bag. Yes, my friends, I might have been too busy blogging about bad translations in Mexico to focus on what’s really important: Yet, another chapter in the desecration of Mexican food on this side of the border.
Sources close to this sad situation, tell me Lay’s “Wavy Carnitas Street Taco” have been inspired by El Torito restaurant in Los Angeles, while Lay’s “Chile Relleno” took their inspiration from Cocina Azul in Albuquerque.
Now if y’all excuse me; it’s only 9:30 a.m. but I think I’ll go have a María Sangrienta.
Speaking of culturally-relevant things… there’s a Veggie Taco Plush Set, which for “only” $49 promises to educate your child on the goodness that naturally comes with tacos, including some packets of questionable salsa; slices of avocado and even some cilantro to sprinkle here and there.
According to the description on the Kidrobot webside, the Victorio Veggie Taco Plush set, “zips open to reveal the whole happy musical gang including backup singers Celia, Sylvia, and Sam Cilantro, Alejandro & Abigail Avocado on the strings, the Tambourine Tomato Twins, the hottest drummer in Yummy World Larry the Hot Sauce Packet and of course the infamous Bean Brothers on the horns.”
The lockdown resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic has been tough on Thomasina Miers’ children. That is why the co-founder of Wahaca, London’s weirdly-named Mexican eatery, has concocted a recipe for tacos that are… well… sure to please Londoners.
We’re talking about Thomasina’s cornflake-crumb fish tacos with a “tangy tropical ketchup,” which apparently is a mix of pineapple and cayenne pepper. For children you know?
The train wreck recipe includes tossing cabbage, onion and coriander on these things and then sprinkle with sea salt and a bit of lime. Thomasina suggests we eat them at once with a cold beer.
Ok, I’ll do the beer and toss out all the rest. Thanks.
Japanese conveyor-belt sushi chain Sushiro is apparently so fond of Mexican food that is launching its own “Sushi tacos,” a so-called “fusion food” that combines, well, sushi with what they think is a taco.
According to local media, Sushiro’s sushi tacos are priced at 170 yen (about US$1.60 each), and ordered via a touch panel at your seat, just like any other item on the Sushiro menu. And if you think said taco looks hideous in the picture above, wait until you see it in real life.
Fortunately, these things, are only available in Japan –and this blogger certainly hopes it will stay this way.
District Taco, a so-called taquería based in I-don’t-know-where-but-not-Mexico wants you to know that you can “take back your right to fiesta” by ordering the coronavirus-special sheltering in place combo: Delicioso steak fajitas, PLUS chips with your choice of two dips!
This, of course, is a promotion about this blogger’s favorite “Fake Mexican Fiesta” (FMF) aka Cinco de Mayo, which is just around the corner. ¡Ay!
Anyhow, hold onto your sombreros. The madness is about to begin!