Category: Television

Never Judge a Book by its Cover (nor a Writer by her Cleavage)

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niurkalibront

Enough with virgins. Let us move onto a more intellectual subject: books and the people who write them.

Take Niurka Marcos, the untalented, promiscuous Cuban “actress”-turned TV host, who this week released her first book: Soy (as in “I am” not as in “soy milk”), an autobiography of sorts showing us she might not be as illiterate as we originally thought.

Soy has a first print run of 10,000 copies, way fewer than the 80,000 sold by Playboy Mexico’s December issue.  Still, the voluptuous thespian-turned-scribe is poised to oversell Talk Dirty: Spanish, by yours truly… It’s gotta be the cleavage.

It is a ‘Transcreational’ Miracle: Japanese Soccer Anime is Saved by the Virgin of Guadalupe

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In marketing and advertising, the term “transcreation” is defined as “the process of using an original text as a brief for writing new copy that meets the conditions of the target audience.”

So I guess that’s why Captain Tsubasa, the Japanese manga, anime and video game series, has not only been re-named Oliver Atom in the Mexican version of the series (Los Supercampeones), but when in danger, he manages to be saved by the Virgin of Guadalupe. ¡Milagro!

Now I wonder if the dad’s moustache is also part of the Mexicanization of the series… anyone?

Gringos Launch English-language Telenovela Featuring Univision-Size Boobs

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bibiananavas

A Bay Area’s news station, Kron, this week announced the launch of Hacienda Heights, a weekly telenovela that will premiere Dec. 3. The new show, say its creators, features an all Hispanic cast in an English-language soap opera. Per a news release:

The story is about the trials and tribulations of the families in the fast growing city of Hacienda Heights. The conflicts that arise between the political, wealthy and the working middle class families are universal and extremely current in today’s world. The stories are rich and are portrayed fantastically by its talented cast.

I’m not sure if the weekly series will be able to compete with Univision’s highly successful telenovelas. But at least they seem to be casting actresses with the right amount of breasts talent, including Bibiana Navas (top) and Tara Ciabattoni.

taraciabattoni

We Missed Jenni Rivera on the Green Binder

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jenni_rivera_031carpeta-icono4Hours before the Latin Grammys kicked off in Houston, Texas, banda singer Jenni Rivera told Raúl de Molina in an interview that she wouldn’t be walking the green carpet that night, because we guess she didn’t want to be asked about her porn tape… except, she didn’t really say that. What she actually said was:

“Esta noche no voy a caminar por la carpeta verde.”

Good for you, Jenny! What’s the point of walking on a binder, regardless its color?

The Latin Grammys’ Reading Challenge is Here!

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grammy11I might be getting old, but after several failed attempts, I simply could not get past the first paragraph of the latest press release about this week’s Latin Grammy extravaganza. So I am hereby offering $5 pesos to those who manage to read the following sentence out loud and without suffering from a long-continued spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm. Here it is:

SANTA MONICA, Calif., Nov. 11 /PRNewswire-HISPANIC PR WIRE/ — 12-time Latin GRAMMY(R) winner and current five-time nominee Juanes and five-time GRAMMY(R) winner John Legend will join together for a special performance, while three-time GRAMMY winner, Latin GRAMMY winner, current three-time nominee, and 2008 Latin Recording Academy Person of the Year Gloria Estefan will perform with six-time GRAMMY winner Jose Feliciano and 10-time GRAMMY and three-time Latin GRAMMY winner Carlos Santana on the 9th Annual Latin GRAMMY Awards telecast, it was announced today by The Latin Recording Academy(R).

(You get a bonus point if you tell me, without re-reading of course, how many GRAMMYS and Latin GRAMMYS the above make up altogether.)

Obama and McCain will have a ‘Sábado Gigante’

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Yes, my friends. Hold on to your sombreros, because on Saturday Nov. 1 you’ll be able to see both John McCain and Barack Obama having a blast with none other than Don Francisco himself, during his recently digitally-enhanced Sábado Gigante variety show.

Per a Univision press release: Presidential candidates Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama will be profiled and sit down for interviews with “Sábado Gigante” (Gigantic Saturday) host Mario “Don Francisco” Kreutzberger in order to address U.S. Hispanics on Spanish-language television’s longest-running, most popular variety program.

Alas, the interviews will not be live… which is too bad because it would have been great to see the candidates dancing about the set in the arms of some scantily-clad women. Talk about Saturday Night fun!

Televisa Wants you to Know [Rich] Mexicans are Recession-Proof

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Give us earthquakes, floods, stock market crashes, currency devaluations, terrorist attacks, kidnappings, public beheadings and drug wars… Mexicans can overcome anything… just as long as they are rich and got themselves a juicy long-term contract with the Canal de las Estrellas —Otherwise, you’re pretty much screwed.

(Oh, and in case you were wondering… lots of these telenovela guys have already moved to Miami.)

Cristina Wants You to Eat M&M’s, Then Drink Water

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Barely three weeks after we were told Cristina Saralegui was chosen among a group of Latino celebrities to take part in M&M’s “Inner M” advertising campaign, we find out that Univision’s long-time hostess is now advising Latinos to drink Nestle’s Pure Life bottled water.

“I want to educate Latino moms about the importance of teaching their children healthy habits that will last them a lifetime,” said Saralegui in a press release.

Since Nestle’s campaign is dubbed Vive Sanamente (or Live Healthy,) we can only assume it’s OK for you to stuff yourself with M&M’s, so long as you wash them down with Pure Life bottled water.

A brilliant marketing coup; though if you asked me, I would have rather picked Don Francisco for the water campaign. If one million years on Hispanic TV looking sort of the same (save the dyed hair) are not testament of Pure Life, I don’t know what is.

Former Mrs. Bobbitt Tells Univision She’s Not Into Cutting Male Genitalia Anymore

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Fifteen years after being charged with “malicious wounding,” (i.e. cutting her husband’s penis with a 12-inch knife and throwing it into a field) former Mrs. Lorena Bobbitt (now Lorena Gallo) told Univision anchor Teresa Rodríguez about the hardships of starting all over again, and dealing with being the nation’s butt of the joke.

It seems that now -and unlike Mr. Jesse Jackson- Gallo is no longer interested in severing male genitalia. Instead, during Tuesday’s telecast of Aquí y Ahora, the new Lorena told Univision about the upcoming launch of Lorena’s Red Wagon, a non-profit foundation she founded to help women fight domestic violence… (by doing exactly what is not clear yet; we just hope it doesn’t involve knives.)

She also said she wants to do more than just giving people manicures and pedicures, so she is currently enrolled in school full time to become a professional hairdresser.

Mmmmm, would you trust this woman with scissors?