Category: Television

Telemundo’s Adaptation of ‘Les Miserables’ Features ‘La Chule’ as Jean Valjean

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Aracely Arámbula will play the role of Lucía Durán in Telemundo's 'Les Miserables'
Aracely Arámbula will play the role of Lucía Durán in Telemundo’s ‘Les Miserables’

You can say anything about Hispanic TV networks, but they are a quite inventive bunch when it comes to Spanish-language adaptations of world-renowned dramas.

Take Telemundo, which has kicked off production of its own version of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, considered one of the greatest novels of the 19th Century. But instead of an old, boring male Jean Valjan, the role of the protagonist -who served a prison sentence for stealing a loaf of bread- will be played by none other than Aracely Arámbula, aka “La Chule” or the stunningly-blond-Mexican-mother-of-Luis-Miguel-children.

According to the Houston Chronicle, Telemundo’s upcoming telenovela is a “strange and free” adaptation of Victor Hugo’s 1862 novel, taking the adaptation all the way to the present time in a Texas town.

I’m all up for free adaptations. I mean, wouldn’t you rather see La Chule and her well-known cleavages instead of the always pathetically sad mug of Valjean? [right]

Duh.

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Yeah, I’d rather see Arámbula -and her cleavage- than this fellow.

Sofía Vergara Shows Twitter Critics What She’s Made of

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SofiaVergaraTwitter

The latest installment of Jimmy Kimmel‘s Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, included some hilarious segments, in which celebrities read mean-spirited tweets about themselves.

My favorite was, of course, Sofía Vergara, who was criticized by user @mamaowl_kirby for her apparently impossible accent. Upon reading the tweet:

“Sophia [sic] Vergara sounds like she has a d**k in her mouth,” the Colombian bombshell replied in a way only she could get away with:

“What’s wrong with having a d**k in my mouth?”

The perks of winning Univision’s ultimate beauty contest…

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The perks of winning Univision's ultimate beauty contest...

Aleyda Ortiz [center] on Sunday was crowned Univision’s 8th Nuestra Belleza Latina, a title I’m sure comes with tons of responsibilities but also many perks, including cash prizes and jumping into a hot tub with a 50-plus married Cuban-American man: Univision star Raúl “El Gordo” de Molina.

I’m sure many more successes await the Puerto Rican beauty. ¡Qué viva la boricua, pues!

Photo: Twitter/Univision

Univision Telenovela Will Now Feature Footlong Sandwiches

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QuepobrestanricosIf you thought Subway’s Fritos Chicken Enchilada Melt was as culturally relevant as the fast-food chain was going to get, think again.

In the latest example that Hispanic-targeted marketing knows no limits, Subway Restaurants this week announced a partnership with Univision to “seamlessly integrate Subway products and restaurants into Televisa’s hit telenovela Qué pobres tan ricos (Poor, But Rich).

The first integration, say the partners, will show one of the characters surprising another with a Subway $5 Footlong.

Per a joint Univision-Subway press release:

“This integration allows us to reach Hispanic audiences in an engaging and authentic way,” says Gabriela Mangieri Harper, multicultural marketing manager at Subway.

Because everybody knows that, to effectively reach Hispanic audiences, there is nothing more authentic than a Fritos Chicken Enchilada Melt

These Guys are not Screwed, They are Screwed Up

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I don’t really know what’s worse: If watching a video of Tim Donnelly pledging to put a goddam gun in every goddam American home, or witnessing the pathetic, supposedly funny translation by María Conchita Alonso while clutching a pet named Tequila and informing us about the large size of Donnelly’s balls.

I am also not sure how I managed to make it to the following 3 minutes below, but I did. Sadly.

In any case, I felt I had to say sorry to my Californian friends. This blogger will be praying for you.

OMG, You Guys! The Latin James Bond is Coming!

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U.S.-born Latinos who prefer to speak English -and pretty much suck at writing in any language- can’t get enough novelty on television this 2013. First came Fusion, with its easy-to-understand English-language news shows. And now, comes El Rey Network, a new English-language cable network created by director Robert Rodriguez and backed by Comcast and -who else?- Univision.

Scheduled to launch later this month, El Rey Network was introduced in May by Univision CEO Randy Falco as part of Univision’s “firm commitment to providing Latinos with the best in-culture programming available.”

And what could be more “in-culture” than an Untitled Latin James Bond?

I’m telling you, I can’t wait for a hot, brawny mustachioed Latin man asking for his margarita, shaken, not steeeeerd.

There’s also tons of action: Mass shootings, burning cars and even a exploding brassiere or two. Take a look:

This Argentinian ‘Chef’ Will Teach you How NOT to Make Tacos

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botanaArgentinian “chef” Maru Botana this week came under fire by my people (i.e. The Mexicans) after she attempted to do something Argentinians should never, ever, do: prepare Mexican food.

“Botana,” which is Spanish for “snack” and thus very likely not her real name, took to national television in Argentina to demonstrate how to prepare “real Mexican tacos,” which was nothing but a bizarre concoction of eggplant, green peas, chicken, cherry tomatoes and hard boiled eggs wrapped up in something she thinks is a home-made tortilla.

The offending recipe reaches its peak when Ms. Botana decides to place the tortilla maker actually on the burner, quickly transitioning her endeavor from a cooking parody to just plain disaster.

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Below is a small taste of the debacle. For the complete mess tutorial of how NOT to make tacos, go here:

At Last! English-language TV I Can Actually Understand

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jorge-ramos-y-leon-krauze_323x216The big news today was the official launch of Fusion, the ABC News/Univision joint cable network, whose tagline, Not Everybody Gets It, is more than fitting, considering I have Time Warner Cable and thus, I don’t GET it.

But I digress. Among Fusion’s premiere shows today were America with Jorge Ramos, and Open Source, hosted by León Krauze, both Mexican paisanos of mine, who will be hosting their own English-language shows.

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This, of course, couldn’t make this blogger any happier. At last, after all these years in this country, I’ll be able to watch English-language TV and actually understand it.

Can’t wait for much more of stuff like this. After all, as Jorge Ramos says: This is ágüer America! O sea que ¡ajúa, güeyes!

‘Gossip Girl Acapulco,’ Stupider than Regular ‘Gossip Girl’

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This post has been updated today (9/13/2013) to reflect the unavoidable fact that the series will premiere Sept. 20 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on UniMás.

And just when I thought I had seen it all, Mexican producer Pedro Torres has come up with a “tropicalized” (literally) version of Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl Acapulco it is co-produced by Warner Brothers International Television Production and will air on the CW channel very soon, reaffirming once again that Mexico is the cradle of the surreal –and of First Class Stupidity. Torres, however, seems to be real excited and all.

“The drama has become tropical without losing its essence,” Torres told Notimex.

Yeah. What’s next? Dr. House IMSS Azcapotzalco? Sex & La Merced?

Watch. Cringe. Don’t Repeat.

This New Cable Network is Making me Thirsty!

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FusionFanta

I don’t know you, but every time I see the Fusion logo, I feel like running to my nearest bodega and grab a Fanta de tamarindo.

But I digress…

Fusion, the ABC News/Univision joint cable net, has confirmed it will launch on October 28 to champion a “smart, diverse and inclusive America.” And, I couldn’t be happier: As I said before: I can’t wait to watch English-language programming in an accent I can actually understand.

¡Ajúa!

Weiner to Univision: ‘This is Between New York and My Wife’

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Weiner-Univision

UPDATE: The millennials over at Fusion (the Hispennials) are challenging this post, telling me that what Weiner said was: “Entre YO y mi esposa” and not “Entre New York y mi esposa.” On the other hand, my friend thinks he actually said: “Entre mi schlong y mi esposa.” SO PLEASE TAKE THE POLL. Help miblogestublog make some sense out of this very important matter.

So Anthony Weiner went to Despierta América this morning to set the record straight (and in Spanish, mind you) about the Anthony Weiner Penis-Gate (or as Univision’s Satcha Pretto elegantly put it: Su comportamiento erótico en la Internet.

Weiner was clearly annoyed by Pretto’s insistence in talking about his private parts (i.e. his Tweeter-famous penis.) But very quickly -and skillfully, may I add- the Mayoral candidate managed to get himself out of the entire mess by assuring her (and millions of Univision viewers) that the whole Anthony Weiner Penisgate was nothing but “an error between New York and my wife.” (JUMP TO MINUTE 1:16)

Way to get out of one big mess, Carlos Danger!

Click on the photo to watch the entire interview or click here:

Oh and don’t forget to take the poll:

‘Betty la Fea’ in Arabic is ‘Heba Regel -El Ghorab’

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Actress Amy Samir Ghanem will play the starring role of Betty in 'Heba Regel-El Ghorab'
Actress Amy Samir Ghanem will play the starring role of Betty in ‘Heba Regel-El Ghorab’

Great news coming from crisis-ridden Egypt, you guys!

A Sony production office in Cairo today announced the upcoming premiere of an Arabic version of Yo Soy Betty la Fea, the famed Colombian telenovela that has seen hundreds of versions worldwide -and its share of product placements– including ABC’s Ugly Betty.

The Arabic version will be called Heba Regel- El Ghorab, which I believe means Yo soy Betty la Fea in Arabic, though I’m not 100% sure.

Per Sony, the new series consists of 90 one-hour episodes that will air in Arabic and will be seen throughout the Arab world, including Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Egypt, United Arab Emirates, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Qatar, Sudan, Syria, and Tunisia.

I think this is great, especially if you believe (like I do) that telenovelas are wonderful pacifiers and help suppress civilian uprisings in some countries (ahem, ahem, Mexico?)

So stop revolting already, and watch a novela instead!

Move Over, Barbie! El Chavo Is Coming to a Store Near You

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ChavoToys

And you thought Mexico’s only contribution to this glorious country were tacos, salsa and drug-related violence…

Starting mid-August a new line of El Chavo toys will be available at major U.S. retailers, including Toys R Us, Kmart, Walmart and -ahem, ahem- Target, the corporation behind this awesome Hispanic guide targeted to non-Hispanics who wish to understanding Hispanics.

I don’t know you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on a tiny plush version of La Popis or Doña Florinda, which I’m sure are all going to be Made-in-China, but isn’t everything Made-in-China these days?

[I’d take a Ñoño doll a hundred times over this other one]

Bilingual, Biracial Couple Romance Over a Pretzel Burger

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I’m not a fan of Wendy’s burgers, much less those made with Pretzel bread. But I have to give it to the fast food company, and it’s Hispanic advertising agency Bravo for the below commercial, which by the way is running on both, Hispanic -and non-Hispanic- TV networks.

The commercial belongs to the “Mucho Mejor campaign” featuring a Hispanic family, the Rojos, who embrace both American culture and their Hispanic roots. The Rojo family comprises a bilingual mom and dad with three children ranging from 7 to 16 years-old. Teenage daughter Roselin also dates Dylan, her teenage “mainstream” boyfriend.