Miss Panama Bella 09 candidate gives us a lesson on Confucio, that extremely old Chinese-Japanese guy who invented Confusion.
This one is worst than Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007. By far.
Gringos Perfect the Guacamole; Make Flags Out of It
Guacamole, which according to “avocado experts” at Wholly Guacamole was “invented by the Aztecs for its nutritional benefits for the wealthy,” can now be used to prepare a Wholly Cinco de Guaco Quick Flag Dip, a culinary work of art you will never encounter in Mexico (it looks like a hell of a lot of work for real Mexicans.)
But it doesn’t matter if this beauty is the real thing or not; Cinco de Mayo is just around the corner and any excuse to fool around with Mexican food –and flag– is a good one. Besides, there are reportedly no swines involved in its preparation so you might be O.K.
Despite Swine Flu Scare, Texas Girl Claims Cinco de Mayo Title [Whatever That Means]
The H1N1 virus might have stolen Cinco de Mayo’s thunder but in a Texas town I’ve never heard of, some girl claimed the Miss Cinco de Mayo title during the weekend.
Now, I don’t know exactly what such a title is all about, since we never had anything remotely similar down in Mexico, but she seems happy enough and -if you asked me- free of any kind of killer influenza.
¡Sí, se puede!
The Perfect Gift to Bring Your Friends from Cancun
While Mexicans are getting creative, and putting surgical masks to a good use, gringos too are jumping in the Swine Flu phenomenon. Going to Mexico but don’t want to come back with the usual, boring souvenirs? Now you can surprise your family members with the latest Mexican recuerdo.
This beauty, though, is NOT made in China, nor in Mexico but proudly Made in the USA.
The Hayek-Pinaults Treat Wedding Guests With Nonexistent Mexican Food
Forget about Latin hot-dogs and Texican burgers, the new wave in Mexican cuisine is the non-existent fare, including some of the appetizing dishes the Hayek-Pinault newlyweds offered their guests at their Venice wedding weekend extravaganza.
The delicious Mexican-French fusion included a Jardin des fleurs mexicains (which I think means “garden of Mexican flowers”) and chocolate caliente en nogada (which I just cannot even begin to try to translate… chocolate en nogada? ew!)
At least the menu designed by José Andrés had plenty of fois gras and veal, sparing us from the edible animal of the moment.
Mmmmm
Ever Resourceful Mexicans Find Surgical Masks Ideal for Robberies
Ah, Mexicans… what a creative, resourceful, bunch. In these days of swine flu panic, some have found a much more practical use of surgical masks: use them to rob restaurants and not get caught.
According to Reforma newspaper, a group of tapabocas-wearing gang robbed a local Sanborn’s in Tlalpan this weekend and although the restaurant has a sophisticated video surveillance system, they couldn’t be identified because of the surgical masks.
Swines!
Mexican ‘Taqueros’ Protect Themselves [Not Us] From Swines
Amid the worse swine flu scare ever, Mexican taco makers have readily embraced face masks, which is nice, I think but… Wouldn’t it be better to just NOT chop swines and then put then on a tortilla? I mean, just asking…
Photo: Reforma
Mexican Shoe Shiner in Spain Gives Us Valuable Marketing Advice
If you are the best Mexican shoe-shiner specializing in boot cleaning and you live in Spain, the best way to promote yourself is, well, simply by stating the truth: that not only you are a Mexican shoe-shiner but that you are the Best of Mexico (working at the Gran Vía, that is.)
Photo: Tania Carreño
What Do Latinos Want? They Want Scantily-Clad Latinas Shaking Their Colita
Now that we know what it is that Latinas really want, we thought it was time to expand the market research to their male counterparts.
So, what do Latinos want?
They want Latinas!
Preferably scantily-clad ones, shaking up their colita on prime-time television.
(You don’t even have to pay for cable. These beauties are conveniently available every Saturday evening by tuning to Univision’s Sábado Gigante) with toda la familia.
Oh, yes, shake it up mami!
What Latinas Want: Sex, Not Wine, With Husbands; Take Lots of Digital Photos… and iPod Downloads
Once in a lifetime, market research comes out to shed light on what we [U.S. Latinas] want, but would rather keep in the dark.
Take the most recent (and reportedly groundbreaking) research conducted by OTX, which pretty much gives away a secret we’ve kept to ourselves, like, for decades! According to the research, in this week’s Advertising Age:
A difference between Latinas and non-Hispanic women: Latinas are more likely (75%) than non-Latinas (63%) to say they’d rather have sex with their husbands than a glass of good wine.
And that, ladies, is because we know crap about wine (had they asked us about aguardiente….). Now seriously, the research goes deep down into our inner selves and secret behaviors, including the fact that:
Latina respondents were slightly more likely than the non-Hispanic respondents to take pictures with a digital camera (45% compared to 42%) and download music to an iPod (28% compared to 22%)
Why is that, I wonder?
Are digital photos and iPod downloads more interesting after we perform non-alcoholic sex with our husbands? Can someone please illuminate me here?
Move Over, Texican Whopper. Introducing the Latin-Flavored Hot Dog (Perro Caliente)
Ah, marketers… always finding interesting -and amusing- ways to engage us, Latinos, into whatever it is that we’re supposed to be engaged in.
In its latest effort to have already obese Hispanics eat other than tortillas and frijoles, Oscar Mayer this week launched Sabor de Mamá, a recipe contest aimed at having Latinos share their favorite traditional recipes featuring Oscar Mayer hot dogs. In their words (not mine):
The lucky winner will receive $5,000 and the opportunity to join Univision’s Maggie Jiménez at an event to showcase his/her winning recipe. Because, you know, it’s always a great mystery what you can do with a bun and a salchicha.
That’s It! First Burger King… Now, South Park?
It seems that mainstream media and marketing gurus are getting their kicks making fun of poor, defenseless Mexicans.
On the heels of the Burger King Texican Whopper fiasco, comes yet another public “offense” against the Mexican people; this time from our friends enemies at South Park. The episode shows an embarrassed Felipe Calderón grilled on what his government has done with all foreign aid –presumably granted by extraterrestrials.
[Little do they know Mexico’s government does wonders with that money, including bringing beaches and ice skating to the masses. Fighting crime and drug lords? Well, that can wait.]
p.s. I wonder how long it will take for some offended Mexican official with nothing to do to urge South Park to take down the episode…anyone?
Barack Obama Brings My People ‘Mucho Dinerito’
You can badmouth the gringos as much as you want, but they are soooooo nice to us, Mexicans.
Take Barack Obama, who this afternoon arrived in Mexico City to personally give the Calderón government US$66 million!
Alas, the greenbacks might not end up in my family’s hands any time soon. They are, reportedly, to be used to purchase a few BlackHawk helicopters.
Oh, well, beggars can’t be choosers, right?
Obama’s Mexico Visit By the Numbers
1 Beast (the bullet proof limo, NOT who you’re thinking of…)
5.4 meters. Length of The Beast
12:00 P.M. (CST) Time when Mexico’s air travel space will shut down for one and a half hours
13:00 P.M. (CST) Estimated Time of Arrival at Mexico City’s International Airport
3,5000 Police agents charged with the U.S. President’s security during his visit
24 Estimated number of hours in Mexico
5 Number of activities planned
6 Number of floors to be occupied by Obama and his staff at Polanco’s Hotel El Presidente
15:35. Estimated time for a joint press conference with the other beast Felipe Calderón
3 meals (presumably not Whoppers)
Obama + Calderón: Brought Together by Nonsense
It didn’t take long for Mexican cartoonists to take on the whole Burger King brouhaha.
In the image, Obama is seeing as the tall, lanky gringo who poses next to a chubby -and tiny- Felipe Calderón. These two, however, are not “Brought together by destiny,” as the Texican Whopper, but “Brought together by nonsense.”
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Image: Calderón. (Reforma)
Hat tip: Carlos Gutiérrez
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