We Will Support Obama ‘Cause His Sister Looks Latina

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 4 Comments

Forget about political views or the so-called growing clout of the Hispanic electorate. The main reason we (Latinos) will support Barack Obama in the upcoming presidential election is… well, simply because his sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, looks like a Latina. (Never mind the fact that we will never be able to pronounce her name.)

Speaking to The New York Times, Cuauhtémoc Figueroa, the director of Obama’s Latino vote effort, said he thinks Ms. Soetoro-Ng will be sort of a trumpcard in the Senator’s Latino outreach efforts:

“She speaks fluent Spanish, with a Dominican accent, and looks Latina,” Mr. Figueroa said.

Really? He doesn’t tell us, though, if she is fond of mondongo and bachata or if she likes to wear provocative tight jeans and very low cleavages.

Ay, ay, ay!

Marc Anthony is Very Scared to Go to Mexico

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 6 Comments

So that is why the boricua singer will be escorted by a crew of “at least” 600 security guards when he performs at the Port of Veracruz this Saturday.

Come on. I’ve been to Veracruz several times and, other than having a shark come dangerously close to the shopping stalls at the malecón, I never felt I was in any danger. (Well maybe once, after devouring an irresistibly-spicy huachinango a la veracruzana.)

But then again, I am not ultra rich, nor do I look as if I had an eating disorder and therefore couldn’t defend myself. Let’s just hope Mr. J-Lo comes back in one piece.

Former Mrs. Bobbitt Tells Univision She’s Not Into Cutting Male Genitalia Anymore

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 2 Comments

Fifteen years after being charged with “malicious wounding,” (i.e. cutting her husband’s penis with a 12-inch knife and throwing it into a field) former Mrs. Lorena Bobbitt (now Lorena Gallo) told Univision anchor Teresa Rodríguez about the hardships of starting all over again, and dealing with being the nation’s butt of the joke.

It seems that now -and unlike Mr. Jesse Jackson- Gallo is no longer interested in severing male genitalia. Instead, during Tuesday’s telecast of Aquí y Ahora, the new Lorena told Univision about the upcoming launch of Lorena’s Red Wagon, a non-profit foundation she founded to help women fight domestic violence… (by doing exactly what is not clear yet; we just hope it doesn’t involve knives.)

She also said she wants to do more than just giving people manicures and pedicures, so she is currently enrolled in school full time to become a professional hairdresser.

Mmmmm, would you trust this woman with scissors?

Female Bloggers of the World Undress!

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 3 Comments

When it comes to labor possibilities for a female blogger like myself, the sky is the limit.

Today I submitted a request to participate in the first ever Sexy Blogger of the Year contest launched by Playboy magazine. The pitch is too tempting to refuse:

Who are the blogosphere’s sexiest women? We scanned the web for some of our favorite female bloggers from the worlds of finance, entertainment, tech and sex, and we want to know who your favorite is. Vote now and we’ll ask the most click-worthy candidate to pose for Playboy.com.

Oh… but wait a second. I just realized I am NOT on the list, so I guess my chances -unlike my entire physical structure- are slim. But, hey, you can always go there and vote me in! Like the New York lotto people say: You never know!

Uncle Sam Wants You to Stop Eating Salsa

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 1 Comment

Forget tomatoes. With the aid of Lou Dobbs and his secuaces mainstream media, so adept at scaring the bejesus out of people, the FDA is expanding its investigation on the recent salmonella outbreak way beyond Mexican tomatoes. The new, potential culprits?

“The FDA is now testing cilantro, jalapeño peppers, and Serrano peppers, as well as tomatoes, to find the source of the salmonella outbreak that has sickened at least 943 people in 40 states and Washington, D.C..”

Cilantro????!!! And how are we supposed to keep up with the Hot Latin Diet?

HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!

Busgirl Wanted as Busboy in NYC Chinese Restaurant

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 1 Comment

The management of Upper West Side Chinese eatery Hunan Balcony has given up on hiring fellow nationals, and has instead embarked on the hunt for a Spanglish-speaking female busboy.

“Hunan Balcony needs “una busboy.” (Wouldn’t it better to call her a busgirl?… I wonder.)

Pardon the fuzzy picture, but it was hard enough to take, with Hunan Balcony’s management ready to snatch my camera phone upon realizing I was up to nothing good.

Mexican Aspiring Chefs are Oh So Blond!

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 3 Comments

Meet the cast of Univision’s newest novela, Querida Enemiga, yet another Televisa refried production, starring Mexico’s 0.009% blond population.

But don’t be fooled by these people’s looks. Their lives are real complex and must undergo a series of tough obstacles to find happiness. Check it out:

Lorena and Sara were raised together in an orphanage, and even though they have totally different personalities, they love each other as sisters. Lorena’s greatest wish is to become a chef, and so, one day she says goodbye to the nuns that raised her and leaves to study cuisine in Mexico City. That same day, the Mother Superior discovers that Sara has stolen all the funds of the orphanage. When she confronts Sara, she suffers a heart attack and dies. Sara runs with her lover and accomplice Chalo, the driver of the orphanage. To erase all trace of her presence, she steals her file and Lorena’s. When she reads them, she learns that she was found in the garbage dump, but Lorena was abandoned in the orphanage without explanation by her grandmother, the millionaire Hortensia Armendariz. Sara’s first impulse is to find Lorena and help her confront her grandmother and demand her rights, but then she reconsiders her options and decides to usurp her place in the Armendariz gastronomic empire.”

Man! This plot is making me hungry, and depressed.

Gringos are Happier than Mexicans. The Dutch are Just Too High to Care

~ Mi Blog es tu Blog ~ 3 Comments

So much for the so-called Mexican joy. It turns out the happiest country in the world is Denmark, according to the latest Happiness report, followed by Puerto Rico and Colombia. Even the United States (which ranked #16) turned out to be happier than Mexico (#18).

Puerto Rico and Colombia I understand, with all the dancing and stuff going on. But Denmark???!!! Give me a break. If you asked me, the whole thing would have been more credible if Holland had made it to the top.

Why? Just check out the news:

“The Netherlands today became the latest European country to introduce a ban on smoking in public places. Smoking marijuana will still be allowed in Holland’s famous coffee-shops, but smokers on the premises will not be allowed to mix it with tobacco.”

… Now, that’s one happy place!