First there was Hispanic cheese, then, a dark-skinned, dark-haired Jesus miraculously appeared in a Texas church, making local residents dub him Hispanic Jesus. So, it was only a matter of time before someone came up with –what else?– Hispanic Shopping Centers!

Yes, dear readers: a real-estate developer in Dallas has been cooking up a business in what he calls a “burgeoning niche.”

“The company’s Sierra Vista shopping center in Oak Cliff is its model. It was revamped in 2006 with bright colors, an Alamo-style facade and a new retail mix including a Carnival market, a Bank of America branch and a Melrose women’s clothing shop that appeals more to Hispanic consumers.”

… an Alamo-style facade? How come nobody ever thought of that before? And to think that all this time I have been shopping in non-Hispanic malls… Sigh.

Oh, and can somebody tell me what on earth is a Carnival market?

(Photo: Dallas Morning News)

QuePasa.com has launched a nation-wide search for 12 Latina models who will appear in the 2009 Latinas Illustrated calendar which promises to be hotter than Dr. Manny’s Latin Diet.

According to the company, casting call will be held in Los Angeles, Miami, San Diego and San Antonio.

I suggest they hurry, while these tomatillo-eating beauties still look their best. You never know when the transformation will begin!

Daddy Yankee, who this year was awarded the “prestigious” Artist of the Year award by Harvard University, made a bunch of us forget our penas and hit the floor Wednesday night at People en Español’s Bellos party at Mansion. The reggaetonero took the opportunity to premiere Pose, the first official single from his new album Talento de Barrio: El Soundtrack, due to hit stores on July 15th.

Other highlights:

— Lorena Rojas, whom you may or may not know, depending which Hispanic network you follow, was humble enough to remember this blogger, who shared the same crummy secondary school in Mexico City (Don’t tell anyone, but it was “La Secundaria 38, Josefa Ortíz de Domínguez, in the heart of la Colonia del Valle.) Her sister Mayra Rojas briefly dated my brother like a million years ago, when we were all very very young and silly… and in another planet.

–Univision’s news lady María Elena Salinas reminded this blogger that no matter how smart you are, you can still look very hot…

–On the other hand, Ninel Conde made me realize that, no matter how dumb or smart you are… if you have a good, solid pair of breasts you’ll be O.K. (What a bummer!)

—Niurka Marcos and Ivvy Queen share the same manicurist… somebody really mean who hates their guts

—Bárbara Bermudo showed up at the party holding hands with her eternal fiancé, Mario Andrés Moreno. And for the 50th time this decade said they are planning to get married and have a baby sometime, like soon. Very soon.

—Dennise Oller, the former Univision newscast anchor and 5 time Emmy winner, was at hand and told us she is slated to appear weekly in a new television segment on Telemundo/Channel 47. Instead of doing the news, Oller will now be in charge of “A la mesa con Denisse,” a series of 5-minute segments that will air weekly on Wednesdays at 11:30am.

—Ray Rodríguez, Univision’s COO, and Mike Rodríguez, Telemundo’s vp of sales and marketing, managed to stay away from each other most of the time, even duping some people into thinking they are not related… much less that they are brothers

—El Gordo Raúl de Molina will soon have to think about re-naming his afternoon show with Lili Estefan, as he is now 60 pounds thinner. Shall we call the new program “El Flaco y la Más Flaca?” or maybe “El Nuevo y Renovado El Gordo y la Flaca” …Perhaps they will want to take a cue from the new, revamped Sábado Gigante and announce a major overhaul

–And speaking of thin people, I was glad to confirm that -following up on my report of one year ago– both TVP’s Manny Vidal and Univision’s Otto Padrón are still in good shape, looking hot and keeping the extra pounds at bay. Alex, however, was nowhere to be found.

–And last but certainly NOT least: this blogger ended the night with a perfect finale at romantic Pier 76…. Alas, not on some famous person’s million-dollar yacht, but at the West 38th Street tow pound, helping my friend Nicole Raymond rescue her car from the hands of very mean-looking people.

Ok you guys, I guess that’s it for now. I must go back and do some real sleeping writing.

Judging from Disney’s Beverly Hills Chihuahua official trailer, Aztecs, Mayans and Incas are all the same thing. Besides, it doesn’t really matter who your ancestors were or which pyramid country you are from. If you play a tambor and wear a colorful penacho, you qualify to be the real enchilada.

I wonder if Taco Bell will sign up as sponsor of this rubbish movie.

¡Ay Chihuahua!

In a recent interview with People magazine, retroacculturated Latina actress Eva Longoria recalled how, as the darkest of four sisters, she was constantly referred to as “La prieta faya” [sic], which then the magazine translates as “the ugly dark one.”

Either Mrs. Longoria’s family flunked Spanish in junior high (faya is not a real word; I want to believe she meant “fea”) or she actually said “fea” but People’s editors didn’t bother to have sister mag People en Español help with the spell check.

Either way, the whole thing looks very “faya” to me. And don’t get me started on the “dark ugly one” part. I will let that one for you to munch on.

Ay, ay, ay!