If someone ever asks you to go to la Chingada (i.e. “vete a la chingada”), something that happens to some of us quite often, at least now you know where to go. Informed sources tell me this bodega is somewhere in Alvarado, Veracruz.
‘Habemus’ Latin on the Internet
If there is Latin music, Latin films and Latin entertainment, why not Latin Latin?
The Vatican today added a page in Latin on its venerable Web site, where visitors can read original manuscripts and other religious materials written in this lengua muerta.
(I just hope marketers will leave this one alone. You never know with these people rushing to take advantage of all-things Latin!)
CNN Expansión Writes about ‘Dirty Spanish’
As most of you know, my book Dirty Spanish (co-written with Alexis Munier) is finally out! But the real good news is that Time Inc.-owned Expansión magazine has written a little story about it. Ok, Ok, I know this is a real “big onion” (i.e. cebollazo) but you gotta let me have my 5 minutes of glory. he, he
Click on the image -or here– to read the story (in Spanish):
This is NOT Your Regular Salchicha
I bet you didn’t know how to differentiate a regular sausage from one specifically made to prepare a hot dog.
Well, that is why Mexico’s Cremería y Salchichonería Cuadritos has come up with the one and only Salchicha hotdogkera, prepared and packed exclusively for your hot dog-preparation needs.
The hotdogkeras were last spotted in a Mexico City Wal-Mart, but we wonder if they will soon be welcome as members of the exclusive, Washington, DC-based National Hot Dog & Sausage Council of America
Photo: Begoña Lozano
Meet ‘La Prieta Faya’
In a recent interview with People magazine, retroacculturated Latina actress Eva Longoria recalled how, as the darkest of four sisters, she was constantly referred to as “La prieta faya” [sic], which then the magazine translates as “the ugly dark one.”
Either Mrs. Longoria’s family flunked Spanish in junior high (faya is not a real word; I want to believe she meant “fea”) or she actually said “fea” but People’s editors didn’t bother to have sister mag People en Español help with the spell check.
Either way, the whole thing looks very “faya” to me. And don’t get me started on the “dark ugly one” part. I will let that one for you to munch on.
Ay, ay, ay!
Does this Guy Strike you as a Mayor?
Not at all, says Mr. Rush Limbaugh, who upon meeting Antonio Villaraigosa thought he was a “shoeshine guy” or a secret service agent at best.
According to a Portfolio blogger, during an interview this week with -who else?- Fox News, the right-wing radio blabber commentator recounted his first meeting with Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.
“I shook [Clinton’s] hand, he left, comes back [with] the mayor of Los Angeles,” he told listeners. “I thought it was a Secret Service agent, maybe a shoeshine guy. Turns out he gives me his card, I said, ‘Oh, my gosh, it’s the mayor of Los Angeles.'”
Mr. Villaraigosa is said to be considering a response to Mr. Limbaugh. So, while he makes up his mind, go ahead and help him find a good one:
“The first time I saw Mr. Limbaugh I thought… [Fill in the blank]”
It’s Cinco de Mayo Sneakers!
Move over Cinco de Mayo Barbie. The hottest trend this fake Mexican holiday are Adidas’ Cinco de Mayo sneakers.
Those willing to fork out $100 for a pair of these beauties, will be set to run and jump like only Mexicans can. Just wait for the “¡Ahí viene la migra!” call for action and you’ll be off to some real fun.
What are you waiting for? Get your sneakers, grab a Corona from the nearest bodega, give the help a day off and have a Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Imagine: Gringos Sing Mexico’s National Anthem
If you have never heard of Pangea Day you’re in for a weird real treat: As part of the organization’s“Imagine” anthem series, you can see a bunch of mostly white, well-dressed -and presumably non-Hispanic- Americans singing Mexico’s National Anthem somewhere along the U.S.-Mexican border, while “real” Mexicans pass by them wearing jorongos and looking kind of hopeless, until a fence magically comes down.
Oh, dear! I think I’ll go puke… or at least take a bite of my Margarita-flavored chocolate bar.
Talk About a Genuine Chocolate ‘Bar’
Attending Hispanic conferences is always a wonderful experience, especially when you end up awash in Latino-themed goodies. Such was the case at this week’s HACR’s annual Symposium in New York City, where attendees were treated with Margarita-flavored milk chocolate bars, among other delicious stuff.
I have not yet had the ‘cojones’ to try the thing. I would need a couple of shots beforehand. Or maybe more.
A Case of Product ‘Misplacement’
It is not news that Spanish-language television is plagued with product placement pitches and product endorsements by network talent. But here’s what can go wrong, very wrong, when you do so on live television and your main “pitch man” cannot tell the difference between Hellmann’s and McCormick.
Hide your Blackberries. The Mexicans are Coming!
I’m sure you don’t know this, but we Mexicans are very fond of fruit. This was evident this week during Felipe Calderón’s NAFTA meeting in New Orleans:
“A Mexican government official who was in Washington DC to advance the meeting in New Orleans between President Bush and Mexican President Calderon was caught stealing Blackberries off of a table that didn’t belong to him,” according to Fox News.
The alleged blackberry thief, Rafael Quintero Curiel, has flatly denied everything and is demanding an investigation.
He just wanted a fruit salad!
Respect the Chilpotle
One has to appreciate the efforts by Stand to add exotic spices to its otherwise boring American food. The Manhattan “fancy” burger joint not only offers its own homemade ketchup, but is now entering uncharted territory: the Chipolte.
But just to set the record straight: This delicious Mexican spice (chile) is actually called chilpotle in its native Mexico, which in náhuatl means nothing but “smoked chile.” It’s not chipolte, nor Chipotle (sorry, Mc Donald’s)… and it tastes good!
Here’s Why I Never Wanted a Quinceañera. Ever
Forget Novelas. The Erotic Network Lands in LatAm
And just when you thought Latin American television couldn’t get any better… The Erotic Network has announced the launch of three channels in our Roman, Catholic and Pope-loving countries: XTSY, Real y Juicy will be offered to cable subscribers on a pay-per-event basis, as well as broadband and VOD, according to TV Latina.
“We are very proud to be able to offer our new clients the opportunity to generate additional revenues in the region,” said Ken Boenish, president of The Erotic Networks.
Gee! don’t you wish you had this guy’s job?
Global ‘Warning’: Baja is Gone. Again
Forget about the Absolut fiasco or my -unsuccessful- attempt to boycott UPS. The latest geographical offense comes courtesy of Mr. Al Gore and his WE-wee $300-million-dollar campaign. Look carefully at the following map and answer the following questions:
-Where the hell is Baja California?
-Why does the area pertaining to Mexico bears the words “tofu” and “burger?”
-Since when do we salsa-dance in Patagonia?
-Why is the term “police criminals” only found in Central America?
These are, folks, just some questions to chew on. You never know with people who despise Latin America… One has to be always vigilant. Hasta la vista, baby!
