But, what makes this thing a taco? I’m glad you asked! “The taco flavor serves up gyoza nestled in a hot dog bun topped with a spicy sauce with chopped tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and jalapeños and a rich cheese sauce.”
Spanish food conglomerate Frit Ravich might want to learn how to use mexicanismos when marketing their “Mexican-flavored” snacks.
According to the packaging of these Mexican-flavored sunflower seeds, the taste of these babies will leave you shaking your maracas and playing your guitar while feeling … well, a bit stupid. You know? Because Mexicans!
Let’s be honest: Just as any other holiday, Thanksgiving has become mostly another good reason to eat and drink in excess (at least in my case.)
But if a 3 pm “dinner” of turkey, pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce seems a little boring to you, you can always throw a “Latino Thanksgiving,” which basically means a three-day smörgåsbord of lechón, tamales, arroz, frijoles, elote, tostones, tequila, poker games — and plenty of dancing and family drama.
If any of the above sounds exciting enough, you are in luck.
Here are 8 SIMPLE STEPS to turn your regular Thanksgiving into a Latino one:
Turkey? Who eats turkey? Run to the closest bodega and pick the biggest lechón available. Roast and stuff an apple on its mouth while you’re at it.
Cranberry sauce? We don’t even know what that is. Get a mojo going or start a guajillo marinade for said lechón
Start with plenty of tamales and make sure to serve rice, beans, gandules, tostones and/or plantains on the side.
Pumpkin? Who eats pumpkin? Really. Pumpkin is only good when you use its flowers to make one of these.
Start serving dinner at 10 pm, because, really, who has dinner at 3 pm?
Once the meal is over, and liters of alcohol have been consumed, be ready for your mother, tía or abuela to start crying inconsolably over you not visiting more often, etc.
No football. Who watches football? It’s not like it’s fútbol… Take out the baraja, the poker chips and open up the wallet.
Turn up the music and dance like maniacs all night long. And do not worry about thy neighbor. Thy neighbor should be thankful to have a Latino family around. After all, what is Thanksgiving if not an opportunity to say gracias?
A Spanish-language version of this blog post first appeared on Univision.com
Some company in Texas wants you to celebrate the holidays with the ultimate Latin-inspired treat: Cinnamon crisp “mini-buñuelos,” which are not only cooked in 100% avocado oil, but are also paleo, vegan and gluten free… Just like the ones my abuela used to make! –NOT.
Crazy Fresh Products, a company that guarantees “fresh-cut and ready-to-eat veggies and salsas,” has concocted the Guacammus, a blend of guacamole and hummus that is sure to make hipster-millennials salivate.
This thing was last seen at a local store for $5.99 –and yes, this is what it actually looks like.
If Guacammus is not for you, these people are also peddling Picomole, Apple Salsa and Cranberry Salsa among other atrocities, because why the hell not?
If you freaked out when you read the news about Taco Bell’s chocolate-flavored pubic lice, you’ll definitely want to hear about the chain’s next outrageous proposition:
Introducing The California Loaded Fries Burrito, a burrito stuffed with –yes, you guessed it!– french fries and other things, including ground “beef” as the protein of choice, nacho cheese and sour cream.
According to multiple sources, these abominations cost $1.99 apiece and –thankfully– can only be found as a test item at locations in Charleston, West Virginia.
I’m so sorry for you, West Virginians. We’ll keep you in my prayers.
Meet the SUSHI-TACO, the latest food craze that will soon take over your Instagram account.
According to my very reliable sources (i.e. the Internet,) sushi tacos first started popping up on Instagram thanks to Tail and Fin, a restaurant in — where else? — Las Vegas, which is serving up “white rice topped with fish and vegetables and nestled inside a circular seaweed shell.”
But. Wait. A. Second.
Guess what, you dimwits? A “white rice topped with fish and vegetables and nestled inside a circular seaweed shell” is not a taco, it’s just sushi, so stop it already!
America, land of the free, and home of the meatless chorizo and the Chicken Taco Grande Ring, is now giving us the “Latino croissant,” which this blogger believes it’s a croissant, but Latino… whatever *that* means.
I seriously think you guys are lovely and all, but can you please — PLEEEEASE — not call your “swirl of roasted corn caramel, lime zest, sea salt, and smokey salsa verde on the side” concoction an ice-cream taco?
See? I’m getting old and can die from a heart attack real soon.