How to NOT Market your ‘Mexican-Flavored’ Snacks

Spanish food conglomerate Frit Ravich might want to learn how to use mexicanismos when marketing their “Mexican-flavored” snacks.

According to the packaging of these Mexican-flavored sunflower seeds, the taste of these babies will leave you shaking your maracas and playing your guitar while feeling … well, a bit stupid. You know? Because Mexicans!

Hat tip: Ñam Ñam Barcelona

Not All Latinos Are Created Equal –and Goya Knows it

Fútbol? Nah, this kid wants to play hockey. SHOCKER: He’s a “Latino!”

So much for the bad blood between this blogger (i.e. yours truly) and Hispanic Heritage Month. Goya has launched a new campaign which is actually a fun way to show America what I HAVE BEEN SAYING, like, FOREVER: That not all Latinos are fond of fútbol, abuelas or conservative values.

The following spot, crafted by Dallas-based Dieste, kicks off with a hilarious take on a Latin stereotype that is way too common in this country:

[NARRATOR’S VOICE] They say if you know one Latino, you know all Latinos: We only think of fútbol and nothing but fútbol.

Pan out to a scene where dad & kid are having breakfast (¿huevos rancheros?) and kid blurts out: “Dad, I want to play hockey.”

SHOCKER!

But perhaps my favorite part is around the subject of language, where you can get away by saying, well, they all speak Spanish… REALLY? Think again:

Frijoles > Habichuelas > Porotos > Judías*

*Yes, judías. Go Google it or something…

WATCH

Bush’s Beans ‘Cocina Latina’ Products are Making me Very Sad

Cocina Latina. What the hell is ‘cocina latina?’

American corporations will stop at nothing when marketing “Latin-inspired” food to my always-hungry people (i.e. The Hispanics.) The most recent example of this is Bush’s Beans Comida Latina, which features a product line of prepared beans –and hominy– just like our grandma … didn’t actually make.

This doesn’t look neither promising, nor appetizing you know?

Via: Amazon.com

‘Hispanic Santa’ Wears Sombrero, Whacks a Piñata

hispanicSana

Marketers are one audacious bunch.

Take the people of Festified Holiday Clothing, who took some time this week to send this blogger a sales pitch for their upcoming Feliz Navidad sweater line, featuring “multicultural Santa” (i.e. Hispanic and Black).

The $65 Feliz Navidad sweater (mind you, it’s discounted from $70) features “Hispanic Santa,” which in case you were wondering, is Hispanic because he’s brown faced and is holding a stick to whack a piñata.

Now, if piñatas and sombreros are not your thing, you can also go for the Men’s Lighted Multicultural Black Santa, who is — well — just black, though if you asked me, doesn’t look as merry as the Hispanic one.MLMCSVBL_Lighted_Multi_Cultured_Santa_Vest_Mens_Black_Support1__17105.1411346860.1280.1280

To be fair, the marketing people behind these things were honest enough to acknowledge right off the bat that these sweaters are ugly.

Not racist, they say, just ugly.

Oh well.

CLICK on the photo below to see the full pitch. It’s gold!

El pitch
El pitch

 

 

Ever Wanted to Drive Like an Inca from Baja? Go Get Your ‘Ethnic-Style’ Wheel Cover Today!

What the hell is “Baja Inca?”

From the online retailer that brought us the Mexican Deluxe Yoga Mat, the Hispanic Flag and — of course — the DIY Tacos al pastor, now comes the Baja Inca Blanket Steering Wheel Cover Plush Poncho , an “ethnic, fun, fashionable” wheel cover for your pimped up lowrider!

Because everybody knows the Incas from Baja California are one colorful driving bunch, right?

Hat tip: @SaraChicaD

This Beer Features Donald Trump Wearing a Mariachi Hat and a Swastika Belt Buckle — for some Reason

No, I don’t feel like buying/drinking this thing

People have got to stop doing this.

According to my sources (i.e. the World Wide Web) Mexican and U.S. brewers have gotten together to reinvent Donald Trump as a “gun-slinging mariachi” to promote Amigous, a beer supposed to “celebrate cross-border cooperation.” But the gun is only the beginning. From the little I could read, Trump’s trousers are held up with a swastika belt buckle, and the rear label of the beer informs the reader that the 71-year-old New Yorker belongs “in a mad house, not the White House.”

The “innovative” product comes on the heels of the Trump-inspired toilet paper and other crazy ideas out there.

I am not going to spend too much time on talking about this thing, because 1) I’m super busy and 2) It’s almost impossible to keep up with all the marketing nonsense around our current administration and the dark, sad hole we’ve all fallen into.

So… wake me up in 2024, will ya?

Via: Univision

This Gringo Is so Mexican, He Drinks Victoria Beer

gregorioThere is nothing that annoys me more than Americans thinking they know Mexico and Mexican culture because they like to drink Corona beer.

Fortunately, there’s one gringo who knows there are alternatives, including Victoria beer, the only cerveza this blogger likes. See? No matter how much this guy sucks at everything “Mexican;” all he needs to do is drink a non-Corona beer (in this case a Victoria) to pass as a real Mexican among the dudes.

Here’s the latest spot for Victoria beer, featuring the hilarious El Corrido de Greg, with music by my cuates of Mixto Music.

¡Ajúa, pinches gringos!

Via: Victoria Beer on Facebook

Alicia Machado Moves On: Launches Male Fragrance, Develops Extra Limbs, Writes Book

What's with the extra arm? Anybody?
What’s with the extra arm? Anybody?

Former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who this year jumped to non-Hispanic fame after confessing to having being called horrible things like Miss Piggy and Miss Housekeeping by Horrible-Person Donald Trump (HPDT), is apparently moving on.

The Venezuela native this week took to Twitter to promote her new fragrance, aptly named “Malicia” (get it?) and to inform the world that she’ll be writing a book about … yes, you guessed it! HPDT.

Anyhow, I’m all up for people moving on and get past this sombre, horrible, sad period, but can somebody please explain the third arm?

This blogger is still VERY depressed, so please, go on, amuse me….

Two Apparently Nice Ladies Want you to Cover Your Pet’s A-Hole with a Talking Donald Trump

ahole

Speaking of pussy assholes, a duo of advertising ladies are launching the Trump Hole Covers, some sort of weird device to cover your pet’s a-hole with a talking Donald Trump — because the world has definitely gone mad.

Behind this contraption (no pun intended) are Martha Ibarrondo and Evelyn Monroe Neill, two advertising ladies who have had it with with Donald Trump — pretty much like everyone else.

Per their very “intriguing” PR pitch:

“We’re amazed, disgusted, amused and inspired by the 2016 presidential election. We ask you to join in and share, share, share. Help us make #trumpholecover and #trumpcatasstrophy a phenom because really, if anyone ever deserved this place in history, it’s Donald Trump.”

I do not have a pet, but even if I did I’m not sure I would want to cover it’s a-hole with anything (much less with a talking Donald Trump). But apparently there’s something good in all this: According to Ibarrondo and Monroe Neill, your Trump hole cover purchase will support non-profit organizations that serve women and immigrants.

Not convinced yet? How about just doing it for the sarape -and sombrero-clad- pussy?

This pussy has had it with Trump's wall talk
This pussy has had it with Trump’s wall talk

This Coffee Shop Will Be Making ‘Margarita Doughnuts’ on Cinco de Mayo… Because Cinco de Mayo

donutsKane

It’s a full seven days before May 5th, but the marketing nonsense around the American festivity known as Cinco de Mayo is in full swing.

Take Kane’s Donuts, an “iconic Massachusetts doughnut shop,” which has sent out a press release (yes, a press release!) to tout its latest delicious concoction: a boozy-inspired, margarita flavored, green-glazed doughnut.

Fortunately, this thing will be available for a “limited time only” and this blogger hopes it will be limited to residents of Massachusetts.

This doesn’t make any sense, you know?

Bud Light Banner Ad in Spanish Features Amy Schumer, Seth Rogen and Bad Grammar

budlight2Dear people of Budweiser:

While I appreciate your efforts to peddle bad, watery beer to my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) your advertising agency would be well-advised to plunk down a few pesitos to hire ME some Spanish-speaking person to at least — AT LEAST — proofread your stuff.*

Perhaps the folks that worked on the above banner would want to use Google Translate instead, which I’m sure is what you guys did to translate this other thing (below).

 

*DM me for details