Former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who this year jumped to non-Hispanic fame after confessing to having being called horrible things like Miss Piggy and Miss Housekeeping by Horrible-Person Donald Trump (HPDT), is apparently moving on.
The Venezuela native this week took to Twitter to promote her new fragrance, aptly named “Malicia” (get it?) and to inform the world that she’ll be writing a book about … yes, you guessed it! HPDT.
Anyhow, I’m all up for people moving on and get past this sombre, horrible, sad period, but can somebody please explain the third arm?
This blogger is still VERY depressed, so please, go on, amuse me….
Speaking of pussy assholes, a duo of advertising ladies are launching the Trump Hole Covers, some sort of weird device to cover your pet’s a-hole with a talking Donald Trump — because the world has definitely gone mad.
Behind this contraption (no pun intended) are Martha Ibarrondo and Evelyn Monroe Neill, two advertising ladies who have had it with with Donald Trump — pretty much like everyone else.
Per their very “intriguing” PR pitch:
“We’re amazed, disgusted, amused and inspired by the 2016 presidential election. We ask you to join in and share, share, share. Help us make #trumpholecover and #trumpcatasstrophy a phenom because really, if anyone ever deserved this place in history, it’s Donald Trump.”
I do not have a pet, but even if I did I’m not sure I would want to cover it’s a-hole with anything (much less with a talking Donald Trump). But apparently there’s something good in all this: According to Ibarrondo and Monroe Neill, your Trump hole cover purchase will support non-profit organizations that serve women and immigrants.
Not convinced yet? How about just doing it for the sarape -and sombrero-clad- pussy?
It’s a full seven days before May 5th, but the marketing nonsense around the American festivity known as Cinco de Mayo is in full swing.
Take Kane’s Donuts, an “iconic Massachusetts doughnut shop,” which has sent out a press release (yes, a press release!) to tout its latest delicious concoction: a boozy-inspired, margarita flavored, green-glazed doughnut.
Fortunately, this thing will be available for a “limited time only” and this blogger hopes it will be limited to residents of Massachusetts.
While I appreciate your efforts to peddle bad, watery beer to my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) your advertising agency would be well-advised to plunk down a few pesitos to hire ME some Spanish-speaking person to at least — AT LEAST — proofread your stuff.*
Perhaps the folks that worked on the above banner would want to use Google Translate instead, which I’m sure is what you guys did to translate this other thing (below).
Not content with giving us the Mexican-themed, culturally relevant Tortillas Crisps, Pringles is at it again, this time with a chicken taco chip thing called — what else? — “Kickin’ Chicken Taco,” which according to Pringles itself are naturally and artificially flavored and sit on top of a cartoon-like taco truck.
I don’t know if the Kickin’ Chicken Taco Chips are “truly original” (such a claim has gone suspiciously missing) but I’m pretty sure they taste like a Kick in Your You-Know-What.
I think I’ll pass.
Hat tip: Brooklyn, midtown taco correspondent J.P. Falcone
No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite one. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not.) But it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.
This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing took known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline.
NOTE: We’re still a full week away from the actual fiesta and this list will be updated in the following days, but let’s get to it right away, shall we?
Last but not least, the King of Ruining Mexican Food, Taco Bell, has already announced plans to introduce a new hot sauce on Cinco de Mayo called Diablo. The sauce, says Taco Bell, will only be available for a limited time and it’s made with a variety of peppers, including ají panca, chipotle and chili. Here it is, in all its GIF glory.
Cinco de Mayo (aka this blogger’s favorite faux holiday) is just around the corner, and this year — with the explosion of Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Instagram and the like — the marketing furor promises to be crazier than ever before. Muy loco, indeed!
Stay tuned for this blog’s full “coverage” of this year’s non-Mexican holiday. In the meantime, take a look at this kit offered by Paper & Cake and start printing your own fiesta kit.
At least it acknowledges it’s Colombia, not Columbia
I have no idea how much money the Colombian government has put into its latest coffee campaign, but their creatives could use a little help. Besides the name of the campaign, which is supposed to be a pun (Bean Bag –Not Big Ban– Theory, get it?) there’s nothing much more here, except a long video, featuring a gringo showing us around Colombia.
Awwww, the Internet is full of wonderful things, isn’t it?
Take the growing crop of Latino-inspired products you can now buy online, promising you to hold onto our Hispanicness by acquiring accessories, clothing, nutrition supplements and –yes– hats, all inspired by Latinos or Hispanic people like -ahem, ahem- you and me.
Mama Ines is being pitched as the Cuban Aunt Jemima
However, if generic “Hispanic stuff” is not for you because you happen to belong to a special type of Hispanic (i.e. you are Cuban), we have something awesome just for you: The Cuban Food Market, where you can find some jewels from the island-to-become-Miami-in-no-time®, including a Le Cuban Salt & Pepper shaker or the Mama Ines [SIC] fridge magnet (below).
All I can say is one Very Latino Thing: ¡Ay, Dios mío!
And while I have missed a few of these very important celebrations, I intend to celebrate in full the upcoming National Tequila Day, which will take place July 24.
But I will not be celebrating with just any tequila. Per the advice of a flak PR executive, the best way to celebrate is by opening a bottle of Jenni Rivera La Gran Señora Tequila (whose existence had also eluded me) and mix a “super terrific drink…” How about a spicy cucumber margarita?
I don’t know about you, but since I’m very receptive to PR pitches and PR people, I’ll be starting my test right away. Why wait until the 24th?
Dear people of Budweiser:
MI BLOG ES TU BLOG 