Why ‘Beatriz at Dinner’ Is the First Trumpian Movie of 2017

Salma Hayek (right, of course, duh!) plays a Mexican professional whom everyone assumes is part of the wait staff

I have not seen this thing, since it is set to premiere on June 9, but judging from the official trailer; the many (way too many) pics posted by Salma Hayek on Instagram and even a film review by the [failing] New York Times, Beatriz at Dinner is poised to become the American film of the Trumpian era par excellence.

The reason? It features “a pompous billionaire facing off with a Mexican professional woman whom everyone assumes she is part of the wait staff. (As if that hasn’t happened to all of us!)

Anyhow, stay tuned as this blogger will do her best to get a free ticket to this thing. Yes, I said “free,” because as you can imagine, being Mexican and all, I couldn’t possibly shell out $15 for a Hollywood movie — even if a paisana stars on it.

Watch this thing and please let me know if I should bother or simply file this under the shameful-Hollywood-productions-that-never-should-have-been archives.

Salma Hayek to Star as a Lesbian Taco in Upcoming Movie, Because Hollywood

sausage

Hold on to your sombreros!

If you thought Hollywood was running out of awesome ideas, think again. Coming this summer to a movie theatre near you is The Sausage Party, an “adult animated film with talking food,” starring Seth Rogen as Frank, a sausage who lives in a supermarket waiting to be chosen. Yep.

But because American supermarkets — and dinner tables — would be nothing without my people (i.e. Flaming Hot Mexicans,) The Sausage Party also stars Mexican bombshell Salma Hayek who will play the role of — what else? — a Lesbian taco. (Don’t ask.)

It’s a pity no more Mexicans have been cast, since I would have enjoyed a kitchen scene of horny jumping beans. But maybe that’s in store for the 2017 sequel: The Chorizo Fiesta

Anyhow, here’s a trailer of this thing, alas, sans lesbian tacos:

Hat tip: London correspondent 

It’s Retro Thursday: Meet Salma Hayek in Her Very Beginnings

Salma Hayek de Pinault was not always rich, fabulous and sophisticated. She used to make TV commercials in her native Mexico, like this one (my personal favorite) for the sadly extinct Burger Boy chain. Enjoy!

Translation: “I am Little Red Riding Hood, and I’m off to see my granny. I will buy her a hamburger; I will bring her to Burger Boy.”

(Who the heck is the man in the cape, anyway?)

Salma Wants You to Help Mexico, Because She Is Too Busy Living Between Paris and Beverly Hills

Mrs. Hayek-Pinault set some time aside in her busy agenda to star in this spot (filmed in Los Angeles) advising her paisanos to stop complaining and help Mexico become, like, a better place.

“Don’t ask what Mexico can do for us but what we can do for Mexico,” says Salmita in her cute accent. Though I really think she meant to say “what YOU can do for Mexico,” because last time I checked she was quite busy commuting between two homes, one in Paris and the other one in Beverly Hills.

Gracias, Salmita, we’ll do -and keep you posted!

Spot: Iniciativa México

Pancho Villa is About to Look This Sexy

Because I’m sure you’re wondering what Johnny Depp and Emir Kusturica are up to….

The most beautiful man in the world (according to this blogger, of course) has been tapped by the Serbian director to play Pancho Villa in the upcoming film Seven Friends of Pancho Villa and the Woman With Six Fingers, a movie I know nothing about, but I’m sure will make Depp look a bit sexier than Willy Wonka.

Oh, and in case you were wondering: Salma Hayek -who else- will be playing the woman with six fingers (which makes me want to stick one up to her out of pure envy.)

The Hayek-Pinaults Treat Wedding Guests With Nonexistent Mexican Food

menu-boda-hayek

Forget about Latin hot-dogs and Texican burgers, the new wave in Mexican cuisine is the non-existent fare, including some of the appetizing dishes the Hayek-Pinault newlyweds offered their guests at their Venice wedding weekend extravaganza.

The delicious Mexican-French fusion included a Jardin des fleurs mexicains (which I think means “garden of Mexican flowers”) and chocolate caliente en nogada (which I just cannot even begin to try to translate… chocolate en nogada? ew!)

At least the menu designed by José Andrés had plenty of fois gras and veal, sparing us from the edible animal of the moment.

Mmmmm