How I Ended up in Twitter Jail

YOU are not crying. I am crying…

Ok I didn’t see *this* coming.

On the morning of Dec. 15, as I opened up my email account, I saw a message from Twitter with the following Subject: Your Twitter account has been locked.

My first reaction was –of course– W T F? ¿Qué chingaos hice? and started going through several possible scenarios.

Was it because of my multiple tweets mocking President Trump for having retweeting me once? Or perhaps, someone really important at the New York Times finally blew the whistle on my ongoing critique of their peas-in-guacamole recipe? (Let alone my Twitter bio.) Or…was it a collective denunciation by all those people whom I asked to DELETE THEIR ACCOUNT for not knowing how to eat tamales or make enchiladas?

Well, it was none of that.

What it was, according to Twitter, was punishment for having violated the Twitter Rules, specifically for “Violating our rules against promoting or encouraging suicide or self-harm.”

Self harm? Me? Tweeting about… self harm? Promoting or encouraging suicide? Perhaps, I thought, they misread something I tweeted about ham, not harm. But then I kept scrolling to find the offending tweet, which was not even an original tweet but a response to someone else’s retweet.

Here’s what happened.

On December 13, Montana legislator and former congressional candidate Tom Winter, tweeted his outrage about a piece of news that made a lot of people very angry (me included.)

I do not follow Winter on Twitter, but my buddy @dcbigjohn does, and this is why I saw the tweet to begin with. My response was brief and as you can see below, it was SUPPOSED TO BE IRONIC.

I guess the Twitter algorithm (assuming it was an algorithm and not a bunch of weird MAGA bots) doesn’t understand irony and doesn’t understand that in all the years I’ve spent on Twitter I have never (not once) promoted or encouraged self-harm. Heck, I’ve even been warning people about avocado hand like forever!

I guess I will remain in Twitter jail until Twitter decides to read up and weigh my appeal. In the meantime, the president of the United States continues to tweet unsubstantiated allegations of fraud and tons of misleading information to millions of people, while my beloved followers will have to live without my very important posts (VIPs) about tacos, tamales, enchiladas and other extremely important virus-related musings.

On the bright side, it has been moving to know there is a massive movement to bring me back: Thank you Le Chanclé for start stirring the pot, and to all of my friends showing concern.

I’m totally fine, so fine I’ll even starting happy hour earlier than usual. I hope to see y’all soon on Twitter.

In the meantime…

No, Twitter, I Don’t Think the ‘Enchilada Bake’ Is a Good Idea

I cannot unsee this thing!
Someone really wants me to shut down my Twitter account.

For reasons I have yet to understand, my “tailor-made,” “just-for-me” sponsored posts on Twitter have become an endless stream of disgusting “Mexican” concoctions. The latest comes courtesy of SmartMade, a company that prides itself on selling “delicious and nutritional frozen meals inspired by the quality ingredients and smart cooking techniques you use at home.”

I don’t know about you, but there is nothing smart in the so-called Bake Enchilada, a “meal” made of a “soft corn tortilla topped with black beans, roasted corn, red peppers and tomatoes lightly tossed in an enchilada sauce and topped with Monterey jack cheese.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the Mexican style pulled pork

So, there’s that, Twitter, not only I will not be clicking on that thing. I think an apology might be in order.

White House Restores Spanish-language Twitter Account; Tweets Typo, of Course

Can you spot the typo?

Well, that was fast!

After much criticism for having deleted all of its Spanish-language content online, Donald Trump’s White House on Tuesday restored the @LaCasaBlanca Twitter handle, one that had remained idle since the new administration took over on January 20. The account came back with a simple tweet, welcoming Spanish speakers and inviting them to follow and stay in touch with the latest news.

Many Hispanics took to Twitter to react, mostly to respond they would never follow the new administration and some even pointed out a tiny grammatical mistake, which even to this blogger is not really a big deal: The lack of the opening exclamation point in the last phrase.

However… barely a few hours later, a second Spanish-language tweet arrived, this time to inform us about the appointment of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. The problem? This time they went with a full typo, writing “Defenderála” (a non-existent word) to explain what Gorsuch will supposedly do with the Constitution.

Oh well, looks like the new administration and their “Hispanic communication experts” will be giving this blogger tons of material to work with.

Via: CNET en Español

Donald Trump’s Taco Bowl Tweet Brouhaha Proves Humanity [and Very Likely this Blog] Is Doomed


I seriously don’t know what’s worse, if Donald Trump tweeting a photo of himself on Cinco de Mayo eating a Taco Bowl (whatever that is) to say he loves Hispanics or the avalanche of serious, “investigative news pieces” from “real journalists” attempting to get to the bottom of things.

Seriously, what’s there to get to the bottom of? That the disgusting Walled-Taco-Thing was purchased in a cafe instead of restaurant? That Trump really didn’t tweet that thing today, because he’s in another city?

Man,I miss that time when stuff like this belonged to my stupid blog and not the realm of “investigative journalism.”

Hit them, Adam Weinstein


Sofía Vergara Shows Twitter Critics What She’s Made of


The latest installment of Jimmy Kimmel‘s Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, included some hilarious segments, in which celebrities read mean-spirited tweets about themselves.

My favorite was, of course, Sofía Vergara, who was criticized by user @mamaowl_kirby for her apparently impossible accent. Upon reading the tweet:

“Sophia [sic] Vergara sounds like she has a d**k in her mouth,” the Colombian bombshell replied in a way only she could get away with:

“What’s wrong with having a d**k in my mouth?”

¡Síganlo los Buenos! Chespirito is on Twitter

I guess it is never too late to start tweeting. Take 82-year-old Roberto Gómez Bolaños (aka Chespirito) who on May 28 sent out a very amusing first tweet ever:

“Hi, I am Chespirito. I am 82 years old and this is the first time I tweet. ¡Síganme los buenos!

Barely a day after that first tweet, Chespirito has already amassed over 206,000 followers, this blogger included of course!

(Not bad for a guy who has been killed several times already by the Twitterati.)

¡Bienvenido, pues!

David Bisbal Tweets His Way to Public Shame

Poor David Bisbal. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined an innocent tweet would turn him quickly into the laughing stock of the World Wide Web. The Spanish singer this week took to Twitter to lament the uprising in Egypt, declaring:

“Egypt’s pyramids have never looked so desolated. Hopefully, this revolt will end soon.”

It only took about few minutes for Bisbal followers – and eventually everybody else – to make fun of his “profound reflection” on the political crisis in Egypt, prompting the “Turismo Bisbal” trending topic and sending one after another message mocking his remark. “I am changing channels on my TV but cannot find Panama’s,” read one. “I just saw the Sistine Chapel. For a ninja turtle, Michelangelo was not a bad painter,” read another one.

The public ridicule was such that the singer quickly deleted his post. Alas, it was already too late.

This story first appeared on

Latin America’s ‘Axis of Evil’ Joins Twitter

Not content with debuting this week on Twitter, Hugo Chávez -aka @ChavezCandanga is now inviting pals Evo Morales and Fidel Castro to follow suit.

I am already a morbid loyal follower of both, @ChavezCandanga @ReflexionFidel, though my sources tell me the latter is not the real Fidel.

Honestly, who cares? reading Fidel’s “thoughts” in 140 characters is much better -and time-efficient- than sifting through his 8-hour-speeches.

[Can’t wait to start following Evo and his thoughts about transgenic chicken and gay people]