Category: Awkard homages

Budweiser Introduces the Peach-A-Rita, because Lime-A-Ritas and Straw-Ber-Ritas are not Ludicrous Enough

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Person I’ve never heard of Jessie James Decker is the face of Budweiser’s Peach-A-Rita

Oh, no… Budweiser has done it — again.

Not content with having launched a bunch of nonsensical drinks, including the Lime-A-Rita and the Straw-ber-Rita, the “beer” maker has partnered with country singer and clothing designer (aka A Famous Person I’ve Never Heard Of) Jessie James Decker to promote a new, seasonal flavor: Peach-A-Rita.

I have no idea what any of this means, but Decker told AOL.com (which apparently still exists) that Peach-A-Rita “is the perfect drink for the upcoming summer months.” How perfect? Well…

Peach-A-Rita fits my lifestyle […] It’s so easy, I’m always on the go so whenever I have a girls night or get together it’s super easy just to pull it out. No blender required.

Okay, whatevs, Jessie; have fun out there and Happy Cinco de Mayo to you!

Via: AOL.com

Univision Preps Series about El Chapo, Because Drug Lords Bring Good Ratings

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Marco de la O is ‘El Chapo’ in Univision upcoming series

It is not a secret that Univision ratings are tanking, and its telenovelas are no longer as popular as they once were. So the gigantic, media company is trying something a bit more risqué: A dramatic series about — what else? — El Chapo, Mexico’s most notorious drug lord, currently serving time (and learning English) in a Brooklyn prison.

The role of El Chapo will be played by Marco de la O, an actor this blogger had never heard of before and one that looks a bit more like a mustachioed version of Jim Carrey, if you asked me.

But I digress. The upcoming series is only the latest example of Hispanic television’s obsession with Latin American drug lords, which might be a pest to society, but provide TV outlets with sweet, coveted ratings.

El Chapo will premiere in the U.S. on Univision on April 23 and this blogger will be watching — of course.

Via: Univision

 

¡Pum, pum! NRA Enlists Venezuelan Former Olympic Shooter, so Hispanics Can Love Guns, Too

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The huge power of my people (i.e. “The Hispanics”) is not lost on the National Rifle Association (NRA,) which has enlisted a Venezuelan gun enthusiast as part of its national ad campaign: Freedom Safest Place.

In one commercial, former Olympic pistol-shooter Gabby Franco says: “The government took our guns…the biggest mistake Venezuelans made was believing that this would never happen.” And by “this” she means that as a result Venezuela is suffering record violence under criminals who now outgun unarmed citizens.

According to Fox News Latino, while the NRA will not publicly say it is trying to woo Hispanics, experts say “the NRA views the minority group as a potent force to try and grow its aging membership.”

So… ¡Ajúa!…. ¡Pum, pum! ¡Freedom!

WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT

Via: Fox News Latino

U.S. Post Office Debuts Stamps Featuring Tamales, Sancocho and other Hispanic Delicacies

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The stamps have been designed by artist John Parra

Yo, immigrant haters: I have real bad news for you.

The U.S. Postal Service has confirmed the issuance of a new series of stamps dedicated “to the influence of Central and South American, Mexican and Caribbean foods and flavors on American cuisine,” because, really, if it weren’t for my people (i.e. the Hispanics) you guys would be stuck eating hamburgers and Taco Bell “food.”

So get ready for a smörgåsbord of tamales, flan, empanadas, chiles rellenos, ceviche and sancocho and start licking these suckers!

Via: The Associated Press

No, Twitter, I Don’t Think the ‘Enchilada Bake’ Is a Good Idea

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I cannot unsee this thing!
Someone really wants me to shut down my Twitter account.

For reasons I have yet to understand, my “tailor-made,” “just-for-me” sponsored posts on Twitter have become an endless stream of disgusting “Mexican” concoctions. The latest comes courtesy of SmartMade, a company that prides itself on selling “delicious and nutritional frozen meals inspired by the quality ingredients and smart cooking techniques you use at home.”

I don’t know about you, but there is nothing smart in the so-called Bake Enchilada, a “meal” made of a “soft corn tortilla topped with black beans, roasted corn, red peppers and tomatoes lightly tossed in an enchilada sauce and topped with Monterey jack cheese.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the Mexican style pulled pork…

So, there’s that, Twitter, not only I will not be clicking on that thing. I think an apology might be in order.

USA vs. Mexico: Who Is Sending their ‘Best’ elsewhere?

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Spring breakers chant ‘Build the Wall’ in Mexico

So much for the Mexican “journalist” who stole Tom Brady’s jersey, got caught and embarrassed an entire nation (this blogger included.)

I would like to turn our attention to this group of young Americans who went to Cancún, got drunk and yelled Build-The-Wall!, Build the Wall! repeatedly… while in — well — Mexico.*

OK, I get your rage, but before you go and vow to kill them all, I’d like for all of us to take a moment and realize that both — Mexico and the U.S. — have our share of morons, starting with the ones leading our respective nations, so really, can anyone blame us for being so obtuse?

I get the rage about the spring breakers, really, but before you go all crazy about them, go read this; then remember the 43 of Ayotzinapa; the blatant violations of human rights in Mexico and the dozens of filthy rich politicians who have vanished in thin air…. Then take a deep breath and maybe you’ll understand. We are all fucked, no matter which side of the border we live in.

Shame on us, really. All of us.

*OK, this happened in Cancún, which is arguably not Mexico anymore, but still…  

Via: SFGate.com

‘Beauty and the Beast’ Mariachi Version, Because Why Not?

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La bella y la bestia con trenzas y trompetas
It was bound to happen.

A mariachi version remake of the famous ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast quickly became a viral hit, because apparently there is nothing Hispanics love more than seeing their favorite mainstream characters recreated á la mexicana.

The video was first posted by Mitu:

Via: CNET en Español

Mexicans in this Disney-Pixar Trailer Sound a lot like Spaniards

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With much fanfare, Disney-Pixar on Wednesday released the first teaser trailer of Coco, an upcoming animated film about “a 12-year-old aspiring Mexican musician, who embarks on a magical trip in the Land of the Dead.”

While many of the voices in the English-language movie will be done by Mexicans or Mexican American actors (including Gael García Bernal, Anthony Gonzalez and Benjamin Bratt) I couldn’t help but cringe at this other “Spanish” version I found on the Web, one apparently hailing from Spain, which makes all these Mexicans sound a lot like coming out of a Marisol movie.

Coco will hit theaters on November 22, 2017 and you’ll be well advised to watch the English-language trailer in this link and NOT the one below.

Penélope Cruz to Peddle non-Alcoholic Beer — for Women, you Know?

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Oh, how I miss the days when Penélope Cruz drank Coke and belched like the guys.

Alas, in this modern, politically-correct times we live, the gorgeous-but-married-mother-of -small-children wants us to drink… non-alcoholic beer, because she’s a lady, you know? and beer is, like, for the dudes.

The following is an ad apparently airing now on Polish television, though several reports say Karmi, the beer for ladies, is making its way to Spain — and beyond.

What a great time to be alive…. NOT.

Via: El Español

Mexicans Are Freaking out about ‘Mexico Is the Shit’ Fashion

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It was bound to happen.

A fashion idea born in Mexico, and crafted by Mexican designer Anuar Layon was meant to show the world (or, more specifically the obtuse Trump administration) that Mexico is… well, the shit (i.e. bien chingón.)

But of course, when you launch an English-language slogan — and movement — in Mexico, you cannot seriously expect everyone to understand exactly what you mean.

See? Not everybody is a European-educated fashion designer down there; so there are some Mexicans who are seriously pissed, thinking that being the shit is something like awful. Take this poor soul who became the butt of the joke Monday night after tweeting the following photo “denouncing” racism at some Mexico City hotel.

So, what the hell is Mexico is the Shit anyhow?

In the words of Layón himself:

It is a tribute to all those mexicans around the world that are shifting global culture with their beautiful hearts and brilliant minds; it’s a way to show that we are many and we are together; that we are raising the standards, reminding the world that our voice matters. “Mexico is the shit” is a community, a support system and a movement inspiring love, respect and trust!

Sure, and also a way for these guys to sell shirts & jackets, which I’m sure cost more than a few bucks. Still, whether you decide to wear one of these things — or not — just chill. Mexico IS the Shit.

This Gringo Is so Mexican, He Drinks Victoria Beer

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gregorioThere is nothing that annoys me more than Americans thinking they know Mexico and Mexican culture because they like to drink Corona beer.

Fortunately, there’s one gringo who knows there are alternatives, including Victoria beer, the only cerveza this blogger likes. See? No matter how much this guy sucks at everything “Mexican;” all he needs to do is drink a non-Corona beer (in this case a Victoria) to pass as a real Mexican among the dudes.

Here’s the latest spot for Victoria beer, featuring the hilarious El Corrido de Greg, with music by my cuates of Mixto Music.

¡Ajúa, pinches gringos!

Via: Victoria Beer on Facebook

Mexican Chef Creates $25,000 Taco, Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

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How much would you pay for shrimp, caviar, truffle and 24 carat gold flakes stuffed in a corn tortilla?

How about $25,000?

Well, that’s the price of the world’s most expensive taco, a creation of Mexican chef Juan Licerio Alcalá and one no one has ordered — yet.

According to my super secret sources (i.e. Yahoo News,) Licerio, the chef at the ultra luxurious Grand Velas Los Cabos Resort in Baja California, created this thing because he wanted to “think outside the box.”

“People are excited and a little surprised about how you can eat a taco for $25,000 ($497,000 pesos) when you can find one on the street for 10 pesos,” he said.

Well, as a non-wealthy, non-luxurious, taco-loving real Mexican, the explanation is simple: Licerio – and the hotel where he works – cater to a mostly NON-Mexican crowd, the same one that would pay top dollars for a Deluxe Mexican Yoga Mat or a $1,300 Swarovski-embellished Taco Purse. Not my people. I’m sure…

[FACE PALM]

Hat tip: @tropicarlitos

Shazam Joins Cinco de Mayo Bash, Because Tequila!

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¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!
¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!

It’s too early to start talking about Cinco de Mayo, right?

WRONG!

Shazam, the app that lets you identify and discover songs from a mobile device, is already working on a super duper plan to join the Cinco de Mayou fiesta!

The company said on Monday that it has partnered with Beam Suntory — owners of Sauza and Hornitos tequila — to enter the realm of Augmented Reality (AR) just in time for this blogger’s most despised favorite holiday.

And how does this partnership will work? Well, I’m glad you asked: Using some new technology, users will be able to scan codes from, say, a bottle of tequila to experience all kinds of augmented reality “Mexican” fun and stuff, including “3D animations, product visualizations, mini-games and 360-degree videos. Guac-a-Mole, anyone?

Here’s how the company explained this thing:

“This breakthrough technology offers an accessible, immersive platform with which to engage in a rewarded gamification experience at the point of purchase leading up to Cinco de Mayo. Sauza Tequila and Hornitos Premium Tequila should effectively break through the Cinco de Mayo advertising clutter thanks to this exciting partnership,” said Michelle Cater, Beam Suntory’s senior director of commercial marketing, apparently with a straight face.

¡Ajúa!

Via: CNET en Español

Bride Makes Wedding Gown out of Taco Bell Burrito Wrappers, Because some People Want me Dead

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These "Burritos" are in Love
Burritos in Love

Some people want to watch the world burn — and/or see this blogger jump from the highest building in Manhatitlán.

Here’s the scoop: Bride-to-be Diane Nguyen posted the above photo on her Instagram feed showing a wedding gown made out of … Taco Bell burrito wrappers (hopefully unused.)

And no, apparently she isn’t that crazy; she’s just vying to win a Taco Bell contest where fans of the eatery submit photos or brief videos showing why they should win a free wedding at the Taco Bell Cantina in Las Vegas. (Oh, OK I take that back. She is crazy.)

You guys know how I feel about Taco Bell, but I confess this bride’s writing was actually not as bad as her taste in food:

“Our love for each other is as cheesy as a quesadilla,” she wrote. “We’re nachos getting married, it’s going to be a Las Vegas tacover. Lettuce celebrate our love at the Taco Bell Chapel in Vegas, cuz we are ready to guac and roll.”

Via: CNET en Español