Category: Awkard homages

Miss Universe was Hugely Popular on TV, and I Know Why

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A few seconds before Paulina Vega is crowned Miss Universe by the outgoing Gabriel Isler as seeing on stage (LEFT) and on TV.
A few seconds before Paulina Vega is crowned Miss Universe by the outgoing Miss Universe Gabriel Isler as seeing live on stage (Left, boring) and on TV (right, hot) with the proper backlight.

Miss Universe, that annual parade of young, pretty -and pretty shallow- women, which for some reason continues to be very popular, took place last night in Florida, making some ratings history for NBC and it’s Spanish-language network Telemundo, which aired the pageant in English and Spanish, respectively.

While NBC reported the 63rd Annual Miss Universe averaged 7.6 million viewers over three hours, Telemundo said 4.7 million people tuned in to watch the broadcast in Spanish.

Both figures are indeed impressive, but easy to understand when you consider how much sexier the whole thing is on television than watching it live from a local university in Florida –which by the way might be the closest any of these señoritas will ever get to a higher education institution.

H/t: @aqwack

SkyMall Files for Bankruptcty; I Fear for Fernando the Chihuaha

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Adiós, Fernando
Adiós, Fernando

Well, it was too good to be true.

SkyMall, the awesome quarterly in-flight magazine where you can find everything, from a life-size zombie statue and Retro Ice treat makers to potty-training devices for dogs on Friday declared bankruptcy, apparently blaming availability of Wi-Fi in airplanes (yeah, right.)

The publication, which strangely wisely launched a Spanish-language spinoff in 2009 may be resurrected — only maybe — thanks to an Indiegogo campaign, but in the meantime, what are we going to do without the availability of the US$25 Fernando the Chihuahua?

Can somebody please help me?

This ‘Taco Toaster’ Will Ruin your Tortillas for Only US$30

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This thing costs US$30
Now you can ruin a perfectly good soft tortilla into a hard-shell ‘taco’ 

The Americans have done it, my friends.

Some genius on this side of the border has come up with the “Toasted Taco Fiesta” a US$30 contraption that will turn a perfectly good, regular, soft tortilla into one of those things this country insists on calling tacos.

The end is near. We’re doomed.

Via: Fancy.com

Sometimes I Think Marketers are Just Screwing with My Head

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Wait. What?!
Wait. What?!

So, there I was, minding my own business; walking the streets of Manhattan; thinking about a God whose naughtiness might have escaped me when, suddenly, out of the blue, boom! I bump into a 3-meter-high advertisement for Pito Rico, a seemingly real product hailing from Puerto Rico, promising a night-long fiesta.

At first I thought someone was just screwing with my head, putting things out there for the pure enjoyment of this blog’s readers.

But no. Not only this “Pito Rico” exists; this thing has its own Website and is coming to a liquor store near us!

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem, NY 2015

This Church Claims God is Having Sexual Pleasure with you

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Wait. What?
Wait. What?

No, the devil is not in the details; the devil is in the bad translations.

Take St. Ignatius, an Austin-based catholic parish, which — in an effort to lure more Hispanics — decided to translate its holy message into Spanish.

However, St. Ignatius’ publicists would have been well advised to know that “God Delights in you” shouldn’t be translated as God se goza contigo, which is Spanish for, ahem, ahem…  “God is having sexual pleasure with you.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a very uncomfortable proposition –and one that does not make me want to attend church any time soon.

hat tip: Le Chanclé

Taco Bell Wants the ‘Taco Emoji’ to Look Like this

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The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell
The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell

Taco Bell has launched a campaign through the site Change.org to push for the creation (ASAP) of a taco emoji, because as Taco Bell — and yours truly — knows, this is really a really top priority and stuff.

Per Taco Bell’s formal petition before the Unicode Consortium, a non-profit that regulates the coding standards for written computer text that includes emojis:

The taco emoji is a potential candidate for the release, but we need your help convincing them THE TACO EMOJI NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

I’m not the one to criticize such noble effort; in fact, I’ve been pushing for “culturally-relevant” emojis for some time time. But Taco Bell — and the Unicode Consortium — must understand a taco emoji couldn’t possibly look like the one above (Exhibit A).

A taco emoji should look like this. (Exhibit B)

A taco emoji should resemble this
A taco emoji should resemble this

So speaking about priorities and without further ado, let’s vote, shall we?

5 Mexican-Themed Gifts to Spice up Your Christmas

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santasmaracas
This maraca-wielding Santa will ‘only’ cost you $154 on Amazon.com

 

Have you run out of Christmas gift ideas? Are you looking for something that will show  your love for other cultures and stuff without breaking the bank? Amazon has you covered.

Amazon.com has a wealth of “multicultural Christmas stuff,” including tons of Mexican-themed Christmas ornaments, music and more. So here are my 5 FAVES, most of which go for under $25 and are most likely Made in China, with the exception of the maraca-wielding Santa, which for some strange reason will cost you a whopping $154.

1. The Westland Aye Chihuahua Guillermo Mexican Sombrero Tealight Candle Holder

chihuahua

2. The Sombrero-Wearing International Snowman

snowman

3. The Benelux Aluminum Mexican Flag Christmas Ornament

flag

4. The Feliz Navidad Bossa Nova Latin CD thing

Latinbossanova

5. And – of course – The $153 maraca-wielding Santa

santasmaracas

Chicago Market Wants you to Know These Chips are ‘Hispanic’

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Pyramid... the word 'Hispanic'... burros (donkeys). How can you go wrong?
A Pyramid, the word ‘Hispanic’, a caricature of a burro (donkey) on the bag…                                 How can you go wrong?

Marianos Market in Chicago seems to be aware of all the faux “Hispanic food” flooding the market these days, so it’s going the extra mile, labelling things properly, so customers can tell the difference between make-believe “Mexican food” and genuine Chichen Itzá-labelled, donkey-inspired corn chips.

¡Bravo! This blogger appreciates the effort. Really.

Photo: DonMarquito

 

My Office Welcomes Visitors with Mexican Christmas Flowers

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Yes. That's a pool table back there...
Nochebuenas at the CBS Interactive offices in NYC. (Yeah, that’s a pool table in the background)

I know you were dying to know that Poinsettias (aka Euphorbia pulcherrima) are none other than the archfamous Mexican — and Central American — Christmas flowers better known as Nochebuenas or flores de pascua, which are not to be confused with these other delicious Nochebuenas.

The best part about Poinsettias?

Their English name derives from Joel Roberts Poinsett, the first United States Minister to Mexico, who introduced the plant into the United States in 1825.

Now you know.

Let’s drink to Joel Roberts Poinsett.

¡Salud!

The 'other' Nochebuena
The ‘other’ Nochebuena

Looks Like Mexican-Spanish Cuisine is a ‘Thing’ in the U.S.

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New York City
Frederick, Maryland

Call me crazy, but last time I checked, Spanish cuisine had absolutely nothing to do with the cuisine of my forefathers (i.e. the Mexicans).

I mean, we cannot even agree on what the hell a tortilla is all about, so WTH?

Anyhow, I guess I shouldn’t be that shocked, after all this time living on this side of the border, the country that has given us the Fritos Enchilada Melt and the $10 non-taco tacos, among many other horrors.

So let’s welcome yet one more nonsensical ethnic meal and, ¡coño! ¡que viva la comida Hispano-Mexicana!

Just Say ‘Gracias’ and Have a Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!

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Gracias, Jesús
Gracias, Jesús

This blogger will be taking some time off to embark on a food and drink rampage spiritual retreat to plan for the year ahead and thank my paisanos for all the hard work and for enduring stuff like this and this on a daily basis.

As for this blogger, she’s officially kicking off the GUAJOLOTE-REYES marathon, which runs from Nov. 25th and all the güey through January 6, 2015.