Category: Education

Yeah, Hispanic Scholarships Sound like a Swell Idea, but Right Now We Need a ‘Delibrero’

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delibrero

Attention, New York Hispanics!

The Hispanic Scholarship Fund is offering help to “prepare, plan and pay for your children’s university,” which is, like, great, but let’s be honest: Chances are you’re going to end up in debt anyhow, and your children, cleaning toilets for Donald Trump.

But don’t despair. You might want to call the number above and get yourself a steady job as a “delibrero,” which I can assure you is an activity in high demand — at least in Hispanic Harlem.

Now, if being a “delibrero” is not your thing, you might want to consider this awesome sandwich opportunity, also in Harlem and — naturally — well paid. (NOTE: little to no English required. Yay!)

But hurry! the American Dream might not wait for you forever.

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem, August 2015

Ridley Scott to Make Movie About El Chapo, Of Course

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ChapoSimpsons

Well, that was fast.

According to The Internet, Hollywood director Ridley Scott is teaming up with studio giant Fox to produce a novel paralleling the life of escaped Mexican drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzman.

Details are still sketchy, but Mexican twitteratti are already full of awesome ideas.

French Café Google Translates Menu. Hilarity Ensues

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MenusFranciaThe owners of the Café Cordial in Paris’ Opera District are very nice people. Not only do they make sure to mumble some English words for the crowds of American visitors who show up there everyday without speaking a word of French; but they even go out of their way to translate their menu not in one but in two languages.

While some of the English translations in their menu is OK (I just said “OK,”) it is clear that they got lost in the [Google] Spanish translation.

Here are some hilarious examples.

BLOGGER’S NOTE: Apologies to the monolingual crowd; this is funny only if you understand both English and Spanish.

1. Croissant = The thing that grows

There’s the translation for croissant as “1 que crece” (literally: one thing that grows) and toast as “brindis,” as in the toast to happiness….

1quecrece

2. Smoked Salmon = The salmon who had too much to smoke

SalmonFumado

3. The Horny Goat that is served over a salutation

CabraCalor

There are several more yet to be highlighted… Be my guest and find them yourselves, will you? I’m too busy dealing with the country’s Happy Hours.

Photos: Laura Martínez, Paris 2015

Mayor De Blasio Appoints Dora the Explorer Ambassador to NYC… Because Nueva York

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¡Bienvenidos a Nueva York!
NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio has appointed a cartoon character as the city’s official ’embajadora

Remember when Dora the Explorer was on her way to become Dora the Stripper?

Well, worry no more. The adorable bilingual heroine Dora the Explorer has been appointed New York City’s “family ambassador,” as part of a new tourism campaign in both English and Spanish. (I guess she’ll be keeping her innocent looks for a while longer. No cleavage and miniskirts, OK, Dora?)

Per an agreement between NYC & Company and Nickelodeon, families will be encouraged by Dora the Explorer to travel around the city’s family-friendly attractions. And this is how Mayor Bill de Blasio announced the whole thing:

“From the Staten Island Ferry and Times Square to the amazing diversity of Queens, the views from the Brooklyn Bridge Park and the wonderful Bronx Zoo, it’s no surprise New York City has become a favorite family destination […] I’m very excited to have Dora as our official embajadora to show families from across the globe the countless recreational and cultural riches of the five boroughs.”

I hope Dora’s Spanish will be a little better than that of the New York City Taxi and Limousine Commission.

This is What I Call ‘Product Dis-Placement’: Mr. Chevy Chase Does Not Seem to Like My Book

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Ok, Ok, I might not be a fan of NBC’s Community (in fact, I never watched it before today.) But in a recent episode the character portrayed by Mr. Chevy Chase was featured falling asleep, bored out of his mind after apparently having read this blogger’s opera prima.

I mean… I am no Marcel Proust, but come on, Mr. Chase!… Why the mala onda? Couldn’t NBC pick on someone else? Or, as my mom used to say, ¡Póngase con uno de su tamaño!

[Anyhow, gracias, pinche Chevy Chase, for the anti-endorsement.] 

When it Comes to New Citizens, the U.S. is Clearly not Looking for the ‘Best and Brightest’

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citizens

Every now and then I toy with the idea of becoming a U.S. citizen, but as it has been the case, I always end up leaving the project in my special To do, but won’t do list.

Still, I often test myself using apps and online citizenship tests, mostly because they remind me that — should I ever take this thing seriously — it won’t be as hard as I’ve always feared. In fact, it’s one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever come across.

Are you scared of the citizenship test? Fear no more. Here’s what’s in store for you. Relax! have a margarita (or two) and just go follow your [primary school] instincts.

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What’s this Blogger Supposed to Do without Don Francisco?

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October, 2012. Queens, New York
October, 2012. Queens, New York

What???!!!

After 53 years on the air, Univision today confirmed that Sábado Gigante, that weekly extravaganza featuring humor, music, contests and many, many scantily-clad Latinas will end its current cycle on Sept. 19, 2015, to coincide with the end of the 2014-2015 broadcast television season.

You know what this means right? This means no more Miss Colita or Miss Mamacita beauty pageants (i.e. no more fun for this blogger.)

Sniff, sniff

In all seriousness, he’s going to be missed, para bien o para mal. I also wrote this for when he was awarded to  Lifetime EMMY achievement.

Undocumented Immigrants: Why Deport them when you Can Just Send them to War?

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No papers? No problem!
No papers? No problem!

It was only a few years ago, when U.S. Hispanics were deemed too fat and dumb to join the U.S. Army. But things are so much better now, apparently.

In its latest sneaky move to beef up enlistment, the U.S. military this week said it will be expanding a program to offer “fast track to citizenship for immigrants with special language or medical skills.”

According to a New York Times report, said program — known by the flamboyant name of Military Accessions Vital to the National Interest (yep) “seeks to increase to 3,000 enlistments this fiscal year and 5,000 in the 2016 fiscal year, up from the current limit of 1,500.”

And yes, while foreigners accepted to enlist have been legal immigrants on temporary visas, the program now welcomes “young undocumented immigrants with deportation deferrals.” Because… why bother deporting people when you can just send them to a dangerous war zone? I mean: duh.

This Church Claims God is Having Sexual Pleasure with you

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Wait. What?
Wait. What?

No, the devil is not in the details; the devil is in the bad translations.

Take St. Ignatius, an Austin-based catholic parish, which — in an effort to lure more Hispanics — decided to translate its holy message into Spanish.

However, St. Ignatius’ publicists would have been well advised to know that “God Delights in you” shouldn’t be translated as God se goza contigo, which is Spanish for, ahem, ahem…  “God is having sexual pleasure with you.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a very uncomfortable proposition –and one that does not make me want to attend church any time soon.

hat tip: Le Chanclé

U.S.-Cuba: The Thaw in Today’s Newspapers [photo gallery]

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NY_NYP

Click on each paper (below) to see full gallery…

New York Post
Ultimas Noticias, Venezuela
Liberation, France
The New York Times, U.S.
El País, Uruguay
The Washington Post
El Diario, Nueva York
El Universal, Mexico
La Repubblica, Italia
El Clarín, Argentina
DeMorgen, Germany
Zero Hora, Brazil
Jersey Journal, USA
Daily News, New York

I will be adding more as time -and energy- allow.

‘Emojis’ Will Soon be Browner, Blacker, Because Diversity

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BlackemojisTired of the lack of diversity in the media and pretty much elsewhere? Worry no more! Very soon, your cute yellow -and white-faced emojis will be able to adopt up to six different skin tones, from unreal, weirdly yellowish yellow to an almost-pitch black.

This added diversity comes courtesy of the Unicode Consortium, the group that governs the emoji standard, which today said it is working on an update that “addresses emoji diversity.” In a nutshell, this basically means we will soon be able to use some sort of tech tool to make our emojis more brown/black and hopefully less güeritos.

I applaud the Unicode Consortium for their diversity efforts, because even if Hispanics and/or African-Americans continue to be underrepresented in media, politics, entertainment and pretty much elsewhere, at least we’ll be more accurately represented in the very important world of chatting with our friends and family using emoticons.

I mean, embracing diversity has to start somewhere.

emoji-faceslau

Via: CNET en Español

 

Taylor Swift Wants you to Know Bodegas are Our Friends

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Screen Shot 2014-11-01 at 8.31.32 PM

Taylor Swift, who recently bought a $20 million property in Manhattan, has tons of New York City vocabulary to teach you, including what a bodega is all about. (Hint: it’s a corner store, which is open pretty much all the time and -more importantly- is our friend.)

Click here or on the link below (if you dare) to learn a thing or two about this wonderful city in the words of our new “ambassador,” including how to pronounce Houston and why SoHo and NoHo are very different things.

Oh, and please don’t shoot the messenger (i.e. this blogger)

Texas State University to Offer a Mariachi Postdoc… ¡Ajúa!

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Mariachis

Tired of having your parents scolding you for not going to college? Law and Medicine are not your thing?

Worry no more! Now you can earn a ‘mariachi postdoc,’ thanks to an upcoming summer program at the State University of Texas in San Marcos.

According to this AP story, starting this summer the Latin Music department at STU will offer a summer postdoc in mariachi, which requires a total of 15 credits and courses in vihuela and guitarrón, among other relevant instruments.

The school already offers a Mariachi Teaching Certificate and a few other specialized music courses, including salsa and ranchero.

Who said college in America was boring?