Your one-stop shop for all things Latin/Hispanic/Mexican
It’s all over now.
President Barack Obama is set to arrive Sunday, March 20 in Cuba, marking the first time a sitting U.S. president visits the island in nearly 90 years.
And this, my friends, only means one thing. It means the pickled Dijon-infused Dunkin Donuts Cuban Sandwich is now closer to real Cubans than ever before.
¡Pobres cubanos!
I have never been to Waldenbuch, Germany, but I’m sure it’s a city teeming with creative people thinking out of the German box.
Take the Ritter Sport chocolate factory, which is pulling all its marketing strings to pitch its latest concoction: the Knusper Tortilla Chips Chocolate, which I’m not really able to describe to you, because these tricky people had the brilliant idea of explaining everything in German.
However, I was able to get a hold of a video, where you can see a bunch of German tortilla chips happily march to their German chocolate dead.
Hat tip: Marco Principato
Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you.
Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo Sunset Cruz, billed as “THE FIRST cruise BASH of the season!!!” (capital and bold letters their emphasis, not mine.)
Now, while the promotional flyer (above) hints the event will feature mariachis, chihuahua dogs in wrestling costumes and scantily-clad red-hair señoritas, photos from previous cruises show a very different reality, namely, tons of white guys & gals wearing sombreros and drinking like there’s no tomorrow.
Either way, this blogger wishes them the best in their celebration of “Mexican” culture, so … ¡Ajúa, Boston!
As if Taco Bell’s efforts to sell you “make-believe” Mexican food weren’t enough, Pillsbury is now peddling the Chicken Taco Grande Ring, yet another American-made concoction that will make sure your children will grow up with a twisted idea of what my people (i.e. The Mexicans) really eat.
According to my sources (i.e. my Brooklyn Special Taco Correspondent) there’s even a TV commercial of this thing airing on prime time, declaring “it’s time for the taco to come out of its shell.”
Well, I have news for you, Pillsbury: It’s not time for anything. This “thing” is not even a taco, so Stop. This. Now.
Hat tip: Brooklyn taco correspondent JPFalcone
Dear people of Budweiser:
While I appreciate your efforts to peddle bad, watery beer to my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) your advertising agency would be well-advised to plunk down a few pesitos to hire ME some Spanish-speaking person to at least — AT LEAST — proofread your stuff.*
Perhaps the folks that worked on the above banner would want to use Google Translate instead, which I’m sure is what you guys did to translate this other thing (below).
*DM me for details
Chinese computer manufacturer Lenovo is only the latest company to jump on the “make-believe taco” bandwagon. And what better way to do this than through a tutorial on how to make “taco-inflated footballs?” (whatever those might be.)
Watch Lenovo’s tutorial in the tweet below to learn how to use a Lenovo tablet to grate cheese and ultimately bake a trio of football-looking pastry things that — for some reason — the Chinese company thinks are tacos.
Taco-Inflated Footballs. Regulation taco levels, guaranteed! #Goodweirdhttps://t.co/RWfGAeSkrR
— Lenovo United States (@lenovoUS) febrero 3, 2016
¡Ay, Dios mío!
And just when I thought technology couldn’t get any more ridiculous awesome, a group of sombrero-wearing geniuses hailing from Switzerland have invented Flatev, a machine that promises to deliver “fresh, authentic tortillas in seconds.” In seconds, people, SECONDS!
And what’s the magic behind this thing? Pods, people, pods!
Per the startup’s Website, Flatev uses pods to produce ready-to-eat tortillas. One pod per tortilla.
Think of it like a coffee machine that makes flatbread. Instead of ground coffee, our pods are filled with fresh dough with natural and healthy ingredients.
The best part? Each pod produces one tortilla and each pod will cost you “only” $0.90. (That is after plunking down about $300 for the actual “magical tortilla machine.”)
WATCH the video [below] to learn how to get Rosa out of the kitchen and replace her with a Flatev thing instead.
#NotTheOnion
Remember McDonald’s German mariachi?
Well, hold on to your sombreros, because now it’s Pizza Hut’s turn to give us yet another revolting concoction that it dares calling “Mexican.”
Pizza Hut’s New Zealand is introducing the “Ultimate Mexican Pizza,” a “flavourful” combination of nachos, quesadillas, jalapeños and stuffed cheese crust, because Why-The-Hell-Not?
In a nutshell: ¡Guácala!
I am not really a fan of mucus or mucus-related marketing, but this disgusting creature has earned a spot on this venerable blog, mostly because of his apparent love of tacos.
Watch mucus as he gets ready for Taco Tuesday only to be put down by some white guy armed with 12-hour Mucinex.
It ain’t happening, moco, so you’d better keep your sombrero for some other time. Cinco de mayo, perhaps?
WATCH:
h/t: @pattyrodriguez
Really, Whole Foods? Kaleamole? You have got to be kidding me.
Where’s the Mexican-jumping-out-window emoji when you need it?
And just when I thought marketers had ran out of ridiculous, Hispanic-themed “foodstuffs,” corporate America is proud to introduce the Creme-filled OREO Churros, which according to a very detailed and unnecessary long press release, have “a crispy exterior, warm soft interior and real OREO cookie pieces in every bite.”
The “innovative snack” (LOL) will be sold nationwide starting immediately.
I cannot wait to… pass on these things.
Photo: RichoGoma
Move over Texican Whopper.
The folks at Carl’s Junior have come up with yet another Tex-Mex concoction, the Tex Mex Bacon Thickburger, featuring “fire-roasted peppers and onions, thick-cut bacon, Pepper Jack Cheese, and Santa Fe Sauce on a Fresh Baked Bun.”
But which aspect of this sandwich is more appealing to you? The Tex or Mex?
Well, let’s watch Team Mexico and Team U.S.A. try to settle this through a volleyball match on the border and with lots of butt slapping, shall we?
Sombrero tip: Mi manito Tropicarlitos
Not content with giving us the Mexican-themed, culturally relevant Tortillas Crisps, Pringles is at it again, this time with a chicken taco chip thing called — what else? — “Kickin’ Chicken Taco,” which according to Pringles itself are naturally and artificially flavored and sit on top of a cartoon-like taco truck.
I don’t know if the Kickin’ Chicken Taco Chips are “truly original” (such a claim has gone suspiciously missing) but I’m pretty sure they taste like a Kick in Your You-Know-What.
I think I’ll pass.
Hat tip: Brooklyn, midtown taco correspondent J.P. Falcone
With the hilarious 2016 U.S. presidential campaign around the corner, candidates are going the extra mile to raise the much needed cash to be able to compete against the dumb-but-filthy-rich-candidate-type-people.
Take Newly Converted Hispanic Jeb Bush, who is asking you to pitch in $75 for the Guaca Bowle, a presumably-Made-in-China plasticky looking molcajete that I can find in Mexico City for, like, a fifth of the price.
But why a molcajete, may you ask? Well, because Jeb and wife Columba (not Columbia, nor Colombia) simply “Love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.”
Ay, caramba!
Can someone please start working on a Guaca-Bowl piñata?
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