Category: Language

Corona Beer to Trump: America is not a Country, you Dimwit!

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América con acento, por favor
América con acento, por favor

America Great Again? Bitch, please…

In a jab to “President” Donald Trump, Corona Beer this week launched a new video on its YouTube page, which basically makes a point this blogger has been hammering pretty much all her [adult] life: America is not a country. America is a continent… And a big one at that…

We are the belly button of this world… and its lungs

We are hot blooded, we are poetry, art, and chants…

We are constant revolution

We are 35 united states

Americanos somos todos… 

… and so on

The spot concludes by urging fans to join Corona’s fan page to show their pride about being American, or something to that effect. WATCH:

‘El Risitas’ is Back to Explain Apple’s Obsession with Dongles

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Spain’s treasure Juan Joya Borjas (aka El Risitas) jumped to geek fame a year ago when he “helped explain” the truth behind the design of the 2015 MacBook.

One year later… El Risitas is back, this time with a beautifully crafted explanation of how dongles came to be and how we’ll all be miserable as we step into Apple’s dongle hell.

WARNING: Chances are you will die of laughter.

Trump’s Sexist Remarks are not Even Suitable for ‘Reggaeton’

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trumppromoreggaeton

And just because it’s only a few hours (YES, HOURS!) before this circus election is finally over… I give you el reggaetrump, a 30-second explainer on how the Republican candidate’s remarks about women are waaaay worse than those of your regular reggaetonero.

This blogger loathes both, the candidate *and* reggaeton, but el reggaetrump makes a great point… Besides, it was crafted by two very creative Mexicans: my buddies Paco Olavarrieta (Dieste) and Carlos Maya (Mixto Music) who have earned a permanent spot in this blog’s “Mexicans: How Can Anyone Not Like Us” archives.

WARNING: The following video contains language suitable only for the Trump types and NSWF, so if you prefer to watch a CENSURED version, go here.

(Props also go to Ornella Poumián for the amazing illustrations.)

Hillary Clinton Does ‘El Gordo y la Flaca,’ Because You Gotta do What you Gotta Do

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hillary

Hillary Clinton made Hispanic History (i.e. Hispandering) on Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2016 by showing up at Univision’s long-running El Gordo y la Flaca; declaring Mexican food is her favorite and even getting up to dance salsa with the crew.

Alas, she did not take her clothes off to join The Fat One in his famous jacuzzi. Now THAT would have been entertaining…

Now I’m dead.

DEVELOPING: This blog post will be updated as soon as this recovers from shock (which will likely occur until after Happy Hour)

Via: Univision.com

Pro-Trump SuperPAC Launches First Spanish Language TV Ad. I’ts Awful and Has Typos, of Course

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¡Ay mis ojos!
¡Ay mis ojos!

In what appears to be Great America PAC’s first Spanish-language television ad backing Donald Trump, we can see Hillary Clinton shown barking like a dog while a narrator says something like “If you want the dog, accept the fleas,” except that the superimposed Spanish-language text on the screen actually says “accepta,” instead of acepta.

But none of it matters, because the whole thing is so horrible, it will make you cringe even if you don’t speak Spanish.

WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT

Via: Kantar Media.

Amazon Is Under the Impression there is a ‘Hispanic Flag’

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hispanicrootsI don’t want to rain on your Hispanic Heritage Month parade, but I felt this urge to let you know there is a Hispanic-Flag-themed thing going on on the Internet.

I will NOT name the culprit (OK, it’s Amazon.com) but there are these T Shirts currently on sale promising to mix your “Americanness” with a flag of your choice, including of course the Hispanic Flag. Because, Why-The-Hell-Not?

The only good news is that these beauties (most likely Made in China or Made in El Salvador) are only $19.99, and RETURNS ARE FREE.

See for yourself…

tshirts

 

Mexicans Mock Avocado Shortage with Hilarious Memes

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aguacatedicaprio

OK, you know the drill. No matter how tragic a situation will get, Mexicans will always see the funny side of the whole thing.

And the avocado shortage of late is no exception.

In case you have no idea what’s going on, prices of avocado have risen by more than 90 percent since the end of 2015, mostly because Mexico’s biggest ever harvest is coming to an end and a new one is not yet ready. On top of that, the shortage has coincided with a sharp fall in U.S. production caused by heatwave in California, hitting the the Fourth of July weekend, the second largest avocado consumption event of the year in the U.S. after the Super Bowl.

You might think an avocado shortage in a place like Mexico would be no laughing matter, but then again, you do not know Mexicans.

Here are some of my faves, explained for the monolingual crowd.

GET ONE KILO OF AVOCADO: SIX MONTHS WITHOUT INTEREST

aguacate

2. WHEN YOU WANT AVOCADO IN YOUR TORTA, BUT YOU ARE POOR

TORTA

3. SHOULD I BUY A KILO OF AVOCADO OR AN IPHONE 6?

iphone

JUST THROW SOME EXTRA AVOCADO TO THE AVOCADOS

PUT

 

CARLOS SLIM LOSES HALF HIS FORTUNE AFTER ORDERING ENCHILADAS WITH EXTRA AVOCADO

SLIM
El Deforma

MARRY ME; I’M LOADED

ring

 

 

Everything is Better in Spanish, Including ‘Orange Is the New Black’ [Feat. Soraya Montenegro]

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judges

The rumors were true — and the wait is over.

Soraya Montenegro, the evil stepmother of Mexican telenovela María la del Barrio, has finally ended up where she belongs: In prison.

More specifically, Litchfield Penitentiary.

¡Sí, señor! Montenegro (played many years ago by the great Itatí Cantoral) is the star of a new Netflix campaign to promote the fourth season of Orange Is the New Black in Latin America.

Naranja
Spanish is the New Black

So far so good, but Netflix would be well advised to extend a big GRACIAS to Cristian Vazquez, an 18-year-old from Danbury, Connecticut, who is credited with catapulting Soraya to viral fame by posting screenshots and videos of her on his Tumblr page.

bett

“I first saw a picture with the same caption of another actress, Victoria Ruffo, and then thought it would be funny to do the same,” Vazquez told the Daily Dot. “After posting the first photo of Soraya Crying in Spanish it became very popular because of a video of her acting in the telenovela Maria La Del Barrio, in which she, the villain, tries to kill three people. The majority of the people on Tumblr have never seen a telenovela and are not familiar with the exaggerated acting style, and so they found it hilarious.”

Yes, Soraya is awesome and Netflix’ promo video is hilarious. Watch it below but — more importantly — don’t forget to thank Cristian Vazquez.

 

‘Latinas for Trump’ Want to Trade their President for Trump –or Something

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I think they meant to say 'para' not 'por,' unless.....
I think you wanted to say ‘para’ not ‘por’

Yes, there is a group called Latinas for Trump and, yes, they like to look red hot and seriously think America can be made great again. OK, that’s great, but, as the group readies an important gathering in –where else? — South Florida, they will be well-advised to proofread their Spanish-language messages.

Last time I checked, the Spanish translation of Trump for President was “Trump para presidente,” and not “por.” But perhaps as my smart pants Twitter buddy Colin Docherty says, they might just want to trade their president for Trump. For some reason.

Who knows?

Photos: via @foxnewslatino
Photos: via @foxnewslatino

 

See? Even the GOP Knows Mexicans Speak Perfect English Before Crossing the U.S. Border

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mike-pape

Mike Pape, a Republican dude running for Kentucky’s first Congressional district, has released a new TV ad featuring what he thinks are Latino immigrants, complete with Mario Bros.-like mustaches and fake accents.

In the :30 TV spot (below) three men, presumably undocumented immigrants attempting to cross the border into the U.S., are running to a fence and cutting through it when they reveal their very specific political plans: To help stop Donald Trump and Ted Cruz but also Pape himself, because he’s going to help those two build a wall and repeal Obamacare and stuff.

The whole thing is so hilarious it’s hard to be offended. In fact, my favorite part of this whole thing are the English subtitles, because — in case you haven’t noticed — these guys are actually SPEAKING ENGLISH!

So, WTF Señor Pape? Get your caca together, man!

WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT.

Via: Think Progress

Tostitos Telenovela Features Catalina Creel, and Lots of Shirtlessness

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¡Doble-dippeaste! ¡Sí, lo hiciste!
Clap, clap, clap
Tostitos, the brand that gave us a noseless Sevillana pitching spicy salsa, is back with a [Latin] vengeance; this time with Botanas del cielo, a :60 telenovela that incorporates its new products into a hilarious, over-the-top plotline.

Among this blogger’s favorite: An English-speaking version of eye-patched villain Catalina Creel, accusing her (always shirtless) son Enrique of double-dipping in the brand’s new Chunky Habanero Salsa. “¡Doble-dippeaste!” 

This thing is so hilarious that I’m sort of forgiving Tostitos for their past transgressions.

The series and a trailer are featured on Tostitos.com and the brand’s YouTube channel.

Peru Sex Worker Vows to Put Order in the Brothel that is Congress

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"Let's make the Congress a respectable brothel."
“Let’s make Congress a respectable brothel.”

Angela Villón, a Peruvian sex worker, has been very active of late trying to snatch a seat in the country’s congress.

A native of Lima, Villón is running for El Frente Amplio, a coalition of leftist parties and movements, in Peru’s general and legislative elections this month. She is one of more than 2,600 candidates for 130 seats in Peru’s legislative chamber.

I am not sure if she will make it, but voters would be well-advised to pay attention. As Villón says in one of her awesome video campaign ads [below]: She is “a decent whore, determined to make Congress a respectable brothel.” (Una puta decente que hará del congreso un burdel respetable).

[Rimshot]

Hat tip: Iván Cordalupo

I Don’t Know you, but I’ll be Meeting with La Migra in April

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IMG_4965

Awww, New York City! — home of Mariachi Santas, Dominican sushi and life-size cardboard mariachis — is now proud to introduce you to La Migra, a Mexico-based norteño band that promises to rock your world on Friday April 8 in The Bronx.

According to a promo that has been plastered all over my neighborhood, La Migra will be soon playing at El Palenque, and the venue promises to let everybody in. Yes, EVERYBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO COME IN.

Are you listening, Border Patrol?

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2016