Category: Latin America

Trump Wants His Border Wall to be Transparent, so People Don’t Get Hit on the Head with Flying Drugs

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Who would want to be hit on the head with one of these?

Mr. Donald Trump is a very creative fellow, so it shouldn’t surprise you to know he has come up with an awesome idea for that U.S.-Mexican wall he will build and my people will pay for it: He wants to it to be transparent… The reason?

Here’s how the president actually explained this to journalists:

“As horrible as it sounds, when they throw large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them. […] They hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over.”

Wow! It’s all so simple, yet brilliant! And I’m glad to have such a thoughtful leader in charge of the free world.

Gracias, Señor Presidente!

Trump Meets Peña Nieto in Germany. A Tragicomedy Ensues

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It was brief –and painful.

U.S. President Donald Trump and Enrique Peña Nieto on Friday had their first face-to-face meeting since Trump took office, and while the encounter lasted only a few minutes, it was enough for El Trumpo to assert that he’ll “absolutely” have Mexico pay for his famous wall.

Fortunately for this blogger — and the world at large — Mexican tuiteros came through to spice up the otherwise tragic encounter.

Here are only a few of my favorite Twitter moments of this year’s G-20 meeting. Be sure to come back, as I’m going to be updating this post throughout this hilarious/tragic day.

Leadership

Real Life Memes

Clueless Leader

Hear No Evil

What? I didn’t Hear Anything

Human Sacrifice

Video via ABC News

Move Over, ‘Guardians of the Galaxy;’ Mexico Wants you to See ‘Guardianes de la Galatzia’ Instead

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It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep blogging, when Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Stories et al keep beating me to the punch, like, by the second. But there are things that are just so beautiful that they deserve to be immortalized in this venerable, non-for-profit, read-by-nobody blog. And this is one of them.

So there. Enjoy. And repeat after me: “Mexicans: How can anyone not love us?”

This Laser Hair Removal Biz in Brazil Wants you to Know Frida Would Have Been Better off Using their Services

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Ummmm, no

Some laser hair removal shop in Brazil called Espaçolaser thought it would be a great idea to use a Before-After image of Frida Kahlo showing how unbelievably different (presumably better) she would have looked AFTER undergoing a hair laser removal therapy with them.

Well, I’ve got news for you, people:

Ummmm, no!

Go home, Espaco Laser, you’re drunk.

Mexican Entrepreneurship Knows No Limits: Flood Edition

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Mexico City looked like a scene of an apocalyptic movie on Wednesday afternoon as a powerful storm hit Mexico’s capital, flooding entire avenues, several subway stations and even private homes and shopping malls.

But, as you — loyal followers of this blog — have learned by now, there’s no stopping the creativity of my people (i.e. The Mexicans) in the face of adversity.

Just WATCH:

Video by: @LoboSinLuna

This Fashion Designer Will not Leave Home Without Tajín, Because Life without Mexican Spices Is Dull

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Tajín: Don’t Leave Home Without it
I don’t care much for fashion designers, nor what they carry — or not — in their bags when they travel. However, you have to give it to Luxury Menswear designer Michael Bastian for informing us about his obsession with Tajín, the ubiquitous Mexican spice that has been getting traction among — who else? — hipsters and millennials on this side of the border.

As Mr. Bastion himself wrote in New York magazine:

I’ve seen people use it to rim a margarita glass, to shake on watermelon and oranges, or on scrambled eggs. Amazing on corn on the cob. It’s great on everything, particularly in the summer. Keep it in your carry-on and go crazy.

So far so good, Michael, and we’re willing to go crazy with you, but here’s a useful, free-of-charge piece of advice: Why pay $9 for a 14 oz. Tajín bottle in Amazon when you can buy, like, dozens of those in Mexico for that price? I mean, nobody wants to be taken for a ride, and I’m sure you’re not the exception…

You are welcome.

Hat tip: @minsd 

Today in Awesome English to Spanish Translations…

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The above sign was spotted at a posh resort, but I’m pretty sure they did not use Google to translate the text into Spanish. I literally just pasted the English text into my Google Translate app, and it came up with a pretty decent Por favor, apague las duchas cuando haya terminado.

[See below]

So here’s a piece of advice for English-speaking hotel owners out there: If you must choose between your high-school Spanish and Google Translate… Go with the latter.

¡GRACIAS!

This Beer Features Donald Trump Wearing a Mariachi Hat and a Swastika Belt Buckle — for some Reason

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No, I don’t feel like buying/drinking this thing

People have got to stop doing this.

According to my sources (i.e. the World Wide Web) Mexican and U.S. brewers have gotten together to reinvent Donald Trump as a “gun-slinging mariachi” to promote Amigous, a beer supposed to “celebrate cross-border cooperation.” But the gun is only the beginning. From the little I could read, Trump’s trousers are held up with a swastika belt buckle, and the rear label of the beer informs the reader that the 71-year-old New Yorker belongs “in a mad house, not the White House.”

The “innovative” product comes on the heels of the Trump-inspired toilet paper and other crazy ideas out there.

I am not going to spend too much time on talking about this thing, because 1) I’m super busy and 2) It’s almost impossible to keep up with all the marketing nonsense around our current administration and the dark, sad hole we’ve all fallen into.

So… wake me up in 2024, will ya?

Via: Univision

‘Super Mario Odyssey’ Adds Mexico Level; Sombreros and Guitars Galore, so Yay! 🇲🇽

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New level takes place in a Mexican town called — what else? — Tostarena

Some people are really losing their sh*t over Super Mario Odyssey, Nintendo’s upcoming game for the Nintendo Switch set to release in October.

The reason? Among the challenges to be faced by our cute mustachioed friend is a new “Mexican level,” a town called — what else? — Tostarena, which is populated by “colorful skull-headed creatures in ponchos and sombreros.”

Not only I’m not offended by this idea; I’m so totally looking forward to playing this thing. I mean, everyone here looks very happy, has a guitar, wears a sombrero and — I can only hope — eats tostadas all day.

So, ¡ajúa!

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Having Solved Mexico’s Most Pressing Issues, Peña Nieto Moves on to Protect Marine Wildlife

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Enrique Peña Nieto mesmerized by the ‘vaquita marina’ as Leonardo DiCaprio looks on

Mexico might be on the brink of social unrest and political disaster — and it’s clear we will never know what happened to the 43 of Ayotzinapa — but our nation’s Commander in Chief has set his sights on one important cause: To protect the vaquita marina, the “world’s rarest marine mammal” with the aid of two unusual partners, Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim and Oscar-winning actor Leonardo DiCaprio.

And why is this important, may you ask?

Per the local media:

Vaquita porpoises – the smallest of six extant porpoise species, can become entrapped in the nets and subsequently die, which has led to a sharp decline in their numbers.

Yeah, they seem to be vanishing, just like students from marginalized rural colleges around Mexico. SAD!

At this point I’m not sure which one of my “two countries” I’m most ashamed of.

Via: Mexico Daily News

Argentine Priest Blesses Flock with ‘Despacito,’ Because there’s no God and we’re all Going to Hell

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We are going to hell… Despacito

It was only a few days ago I wrote about gringo media discovering the craze of Despacito, the first Spanish-language U.S. No. 1 hit since Macarena.

Well, get ready for more Despacito-infused news: A priest at a local church in Córdoba, Argentina, has decided to give his dominical sermon a Fonsi-Daddy-Yankee spin, by making attendees chant and dance to the tune of  — what else? — Despacito!

The reason? Simply because THE END is near and we’re all going to hell. (Despacito, but we’re on our way.)

JUST WATCH:

Via: Televisa

Mainstream Media Discovers ‘Despacito,’ so Here Goes…

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Now that The Atlantic and other VPM (Very Prestigious Media) decided to write about the “amazing phenomenon” that Despacito is, this blogger had no choice but to acknowledge the whole thing and give Luis Fonsi and his peeps a well-deserved space on this venerable blog, because, truth be told, I have NOT stopped dancing to this damn thing for, like, weeks!

Anyhow, just a couple of things before you venture here.

First, watch the original “Spanish”-language version (below.) Then, move onto an improbable version featuring none other than Justin Bieber (yeah, don’t ask, but he’s pretty good saying “manuscrito” in Spanish.) Last — but not least — watch this blogger’s favorite Italian people filming in real time their own LOVE-HATE relationship with this damn thing!

Ready? ENJOY!

WAIT. DID ANYBODY SAY JUSTIN BIEBER?

WHAT’S WITH THESE LATIN AMERICAN PEOPLE?

Univision and AT&T Present ‘Unlimited Chapo,’ Because Hispanic TV Needs More Stories about Drug Lords

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Unlimited Chapo is brought to you by Univision and AT&T

In yet another sign that Hispanic television is determined to “superserve its audience with relevant programming,” Univision Communications has partnered with AT&T to bring us — are you ready? — El Chapo Ilimitado! (Unlimited Chapo,) a weekly Facebook Live series that “serves as a forum for fans to discuss new episodes of El Chapo, a new crime television series co-produced by Netflix and Univision.

El Chapo Ilimitado (which I’m sure is a wink to AT&T’s unlimited data plans, duh) is hosted by Univision personalities Lourdes Stephen and Carlos Calderón, who show an extraordinary disposition to look cheerful — and fun! — while discussing one of Mexico’s most sanguinary drug dealers every single week.

Per a company press release, this thing is streamed via Facebook Live on Univision’s Facebook page Sunday evenings at 10 p.m. immediately following the premiere of new episodes.

Say what you will, but Hispanic TV will never cease to depress amuse this blogger.

Now if you allow me, I’ll just go shoot myself.

Via: El Chapo Ilimitado