Disney Wants Quinceañeras to Display ‘Grace and Poise’ While Wearing This Thing

Snow White2

Disney, the company that thinks Latino families dance cumbia while at an amusement park, this week unveiled the Disney Royal Ball collection, “the first ever line of Quinceañera gowns inspired by the inner qualities, personalities and stories of the Disney Princess characters.”

According to Gilberto Martinez Kladt, the VP of licensing of Disney Princess, and not related to this blogger:

Disney is thrilled to provide young Latinas with the opportunity to celebrate the elegance, grace and poise of their favorite Disney Princess characters on such a special and momentous day.

I’m not sure how much grace and/or poise you can display strutting around in these things; but then again, I am a little past my quinceañera, and for sure cannot afford these graceful dresses, which range between $530-$999. I guess I’ll have to find a way to display elegance, grace and poise in jeans and a pair of huaraches.

Latinas to Shine in Primetime [As Maids, of Course]

maidsphoto

As this blog dutifully reported it almost one year ago, Lifetime Television has finally set a date for the premiere of Devious Maids, a 13-episode series featuring a bunch of Latino women who work as -what else?- maids.

Devious Maids is being executive produced by the one and only Eva Longoria, la “prieta faya” and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina, who this week came out in full force to defend the series. [Oh, she also starred in this other cinematographic masterpiece.]

Judging from the trailer [below] I can see Devious Maids will touch on some of the hot-button issues that keep my people at night: Earning the minimum wage; working 80 hours a week for a bunch of ungrateful, rich bastards; getting by without health insurance and living in constant fear of deportation.

I can’t wait (to not watch it.)

Congressman Uncovers Mexi-Muslim Connection

Kebab_Pastor

And you thought politicians were a bunch of good for nothings…

In the latest development concerning the Mexi-Muslim threat, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) is now saying that this week’s bombings of the Boston Marathon should give pause to immigration reform advocates who seek to reform the system. The reason?

“We know that people that are now being trained to come in and act like Hispanic [sic] when they are radical Islamists. […] They want the freedoms we have.”

I’m not sure what those freedoms really are or how you train people to act “Hispanic.” But these fellows have certainly worked hard to replicate our tacos al pastor. And no, we’re not going to take it anymore! What’s next? Serving food on a flat bread instead of a plate? Pitas that taste like tortillas?

hat tip: @laloalcaraz

 

‘Barbie Jamona’ is Culturally-Relevant… and Looks Delicious!

BarbieJamona

On the heels of the Barbie Mexicana brouhaha that I so inadvertently started, I decided to go on a worldwide hunt for the next controversial, culturally-relevant and irreverent Barbie doll.

Here she is. She is proud, meaty and looks absolutely delicious. Besides, this one doesn’t come carrying a pet pig or something weird like that, so it should go down history with less controversy as the other Barbie Dolls of the World.

So, what is Mattel waiting for?

It’s National Paella Day! [and I Have No Idea Why]

paellaPollo2

I just woke up to the news that March 27 is National Paella Day in the U.S., yet another reminder of the weirdness of living in a country obsessed with bizarre celebrations and holidays.

But, as they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, and so hereby I’m paying tribute to Spain’s national dish by sharing one of my favorite ads featuring a “paella de pollo.”

NOTE: I am sorry, but this piece can only be appreciated by those who master the Spanish language. Enjoy! 

Shocking: Hispanics Buy Non-Hispanic Stuff at the Supermarket

groceries

I love Hispanic research, don’t you? And that’s because you get to learn some amazing stuff. For instance, how my people (i.e. The Hispanics) approach grocery shopping.

Take the latest research, stating that Hispanics are as “eclectic” as non-Hispanics when they go shopping, meaning we don’t only go to the supermarket to buy stuff like tamales, pinole, piñatas, nopales and mole Doña María. In fact, according to a recent online survey conducted by Meredith Corporation:

“Latinas confirmed that they are not only shopping the Hispanic aisle – they have eclectic palettes and enjoy cooking a wide variety of foods”.

So don’t believe everything they tell you about my people. We (i.e. The Hispanics) are so eclectic that in fact have joined forces with the Chinese to come up with this:

chinese_Hispanic

 

Upon Helping America Re-elect Barack Obama, Eva Longoria Moves on to Pick New Potato Chip Flavor

Screen shot 2013-02-12 at 1.24.32 PM

Eva Longoria, this blogger’s favorite retro-acculturated Latina, might have been successful in her quest to get Barack Obama re-elected. But this time she needs your vote to accomplish something yet more significant -and potentially delicious: She wants your VOTE to help Lay’s choose its next flavor of potato chips.

Sí, señor. Longoria (aka “La Prieta Faya”) this morning visited New York City to ring NYSE’s bell on behalf of Lay’s and even spoke to Fox News about her latest campaign, Do Us A Flavor, urging Americans to vote among three potato chip flavorsCheesy Garlic Bread; Chicken and Waffles and Sriracha.

But. Wait. No tortilla española,  nor tamal-flavored chips?!!? I’m afraid La Prieta Faya is losing her Latin touch, so I’d better stick to my Cannabis-infused tortilla chips.

¡Ajúa!

Pivotal PR Thinks this Press Release is in Spanish

UPDATE: Nicole Wool, a publicist for Allison Pescosolido, sent me an email explaining what had happened with the Spanish-language pitch on behalf of her client. You can scroll down to the end of this post to read her email (unedited.) 

A PR executive in Los Angeles (I’ve withheld his name) sent me the following press release in what he believes is the Spanish language. Not only the letter is plagued with typos and grammatical errors, but it includes several made-up words and phrases that can actually be very amusing (i.e. He wants to physically introduce one of his clients into my humble anatomy.) He also thinks his client (the same client who will be introduced inside myself) can help couples deal with stuff like the “brokerage” of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Truly amusing, I tell you.

Let’s tally the grammatical errors, shall we?:

Hola Laura- Espero que estes bien y que tu semana a empesado con tranquilidad.

Te quiero intruducir a un cliente mio que se llama Allison Pescosolido MA. Allison es una expert en relaciones y es la fundadora de la series educacionales – Divorce Detox. La maravilla es que Allison ayuda a gente con sus relaciones etc. y trabaja mucho con la communidad latina. So no solamente relaciones si no cuando pase un divorcio como ser buenos padres, que es saludable para los ninos, como tartar espiritualmente, pshycologicamente y como sobresalir algo tan dificil. Ciendo una expert en el divorcio le ayudado tambien hacer una expert en relaciones que acaban de empesar. Ayudar y notar signos de alarma, como negociar, y como escojar parejas y trabajar por situaciones que pueden ser impossible de controlar.

En addicion Allison has trabajado con estrellas de Hollywood- Nombrandoce una experta de las estrellas, su trabajo ha apparecido en E!, Access Hollywood, y Hollyscoop y en las revistas de OK! Magazine, Life & Style, NY Times y muchos mas.

Unos topicos que quisiera voluntary para tu audencia y la communidad Latina incluyen:

– Como Sobrevivir los dias festivos: Las primeras vacaciones sin tu esposo o esposa, las primeras vacaciones sin tus hijos y creando nuevas tradiciones.

-Relaciones de larga distancia y como hacer las trabajar.

Sobreviendo Infedilidad

Soporte a la infancia y las leyes: Cosas que todos papas deverian de saber.

-Relaciones de los celebridades y las rompesas de relaciones como Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes o Kanye West/Kim Kardashian cuando tengas una historia de divorcio, compromise o historias de relaciones.

– Consejos de relaciones: donde conocer personas, como hacer espacio por algiuen nuevo cuando estas muy ocupado, que signos son alambrantes.

-Consejos generales de divorcio: como mantener una relacion saludable o como ser buenos padres despues de un divorcio.

Por favor dejame saber si esto es algo que te interasa– quisiera trabajar con tigo! Aprecio tu ayuda y espero con interes escuchar sus pensamientos.

XXXXXXXX

Account Executive | Pivotal Public Relations

544 South San Vicente Boulevard | Los Angeles | CA 90048

@pivotalpr

_______________________________________________________________

Here is the response of Ms. Wool, sent on Nov. 16, 2012.

Hi Laura:

My name is Nicole Wool.  I am the publicist for Allison Pescosolido.  I saw the release that you posted from Pivotal PR regarding Allison.  I am so very sorry.  Pivotal was handling elements of Allison’s campaign, and a publicist in that office who is Latin, translated this pitch on the publicist’s (John’s) behalf.  Unbeknownst to John and contrary to what John’s colleague represented, her Spanish is clearly not strong.  

Is there any way you might please consider taking down your post?  I realize it must have come off as insulting and inexperienced.  However, it is terribly embarrassing to Allison.  She did not approve this pitch, nor did she have any awareness that the PR firm sent it out on her behalf. She is a great expert and doesn’t deserve to be collateral damage in what was clearly a major mistake.   She has worked very hard to build an excellent reputation and helped many people.  

Might you please consider taking it down? I am happy to discuss this with you and to do whatever it takes to make this right. 

Nicole Wool | CEO

Amazon Wants you to Have a Mexican Merry Christmas

¡Ajúa! Me and my pistoleros will eat jumping beans and wish you a Feliz Navidad

As soon as I learned that Amazon was partnering with JibJab to release customizable video gift cards, I visited the online retailer to create my very own customizable video gift card.

To my surprise, I found the company offers a multicultural option which -of course- allows for you to create a Mexican-themed Christmas video song, featuring yourself  dancing to the rhythm of non-Mexican José Feliciano. [You can click on the photo above to see me in full action.]

So what are you waiting for? Go be a Mexican for the holidays!

¡Arriba, arriba! ¡Caramba, caramba!

Marketing Executives to be Immersed in Culture and Diversity… at a Miami Supermarket

Unlike regular Publix, Publix Sabor sells papas, refrescos and frijoles, instead of potato chips, sodas and beans.

Hispanic marketers and agencies are heading this weekend to Miami for the ANA Multicultural Marketing & Diversity Annual Conference.

And what better way to showcase diversity than immersing attendees to a genuine Hispanic experience?  Organizers have partnered with AHAA, to take attendees to a Cultural Immersion Tour, which, according to the agenda:

[…] will start at Publix Super Market’s 61,000-sq. ft. SABOR store in Hialeah, where attendees will sample an assortment of Hispanic Publix Deli plates.  Store management will guide small groups of attendees through the various departments and highlight products, such as Publix’ line of Hispanic brand products.”

For reasons I have yet to comprehend, this blogger has NOT been invited to such Cultural Feast, but perhaps things will change when they realize I actually go into full Mexican gear when cooking and stuff.

We’ll see.

Why I Will Never Identify with Disney’s ‘Latina’ Princess

I was totally going to pass on the whole “Disney has a Latino princess” “news.” But then I saw the “outrage” coming out from Latino-defense groups, including the Latino Coalition of Latino Groups that Defend Latino Things and Get Totally Pissed at Latino things on Mainstream Media… and other similar outlets.

The last straw came when NBC News’ Natalie Morales came out to say that she totally feels identified by Sofía, which made me get up from my afternoon siesta and take a stand, literally.

I feel duped. How on Earth am I supposed to feel identify with Sofía if, –according to Disney’s executives themselves– she is half-Enchancian and half-Galdizian, and I’m only half-chilanga and half-tapatía?

Can somebody please explain?

Disney Thinks Latinos Like to Dance Cumbia While in Disney

Last time I checked, Latino families and their multiple mocosos loved to go to the Magic Kingdom of Disney to sing, dance and ride along with their non-Hispanic counterparts. But as a gesture to its growing Hispanic clientele, Disney Latino has produced a super-terrific, culturally-relevant video celebrating Hispanic Heritage.

I personally prefer this other Disney-themed cumbia.

But, heck, that’s me!

hat tip: @latinorebels