Don’t the producers over there know there is no worm in tequila?
It’s mezcal, you morons! Worms go in mezcal!
Category: Stupid propositions
It’s Cinco de Mayo! Time to Mix Drinks That Make no Sense
I hate Cinco de Mayo in the U.S., not so much because it’s a reminder of how clueless people are about Mexican history, but because it is also the time to market some of the stupidest, senseless food & drink concoctions of all times.
Well, actually I think Bud Light’s Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita are kind of OK. The name is cute and hopefully the mix will give a little taste to such a tasteless beer. But Corona’s “CoronaRita” wins the prize of the silliest, most senseless concoction (and moniker) ever.
Really, Corona? CoronaRita?
Just in Time for Cinco de Mayo: Taco Bell Eatery Will Serve Mexican Car Bombs
Speaking of Mexican things that make no sense, this blog’s Gringo West Coast Correspondent just informed me that Taco Bell is testing a restaurant concept that -among other things- will be serving Mexican Car Bombs.
See? I had to learn about this by a non-Mexican person, because last time I checked, my people had no idea that a Mexican Car Bomb is simply a vanilla shake with Guinness, tequila caramel sauce and chocolate flakes.
The concoction is sure to please those already clueless enough to believe Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s celebration of Independence and just one more excuse to stuff themselves with made-believe Mexican fare.
So, go ahead. Visit U.S. Taco Co., get bombed and puleeeze stay away from real Mexicans.
Click below for a quick trip to some of the silliest Cinco de Mayo gimmicks.
There is a Network of ‘Expert Latinos’ Connecting People with Latino Experts -or Something
Go figure.
I just found out there is an online collective of “Expert Latinos” called -ahem- Expert Latinos, which is already providing “expert Latino advice” to publications including El Diario la Prensa, Cosmopolitan Latina and La opinión. Per a press release:
Expert Latinos is an English-language tool that helps connect journalists and bloggers with Latino Experts.
I’m not quite sure if Expert Latinos is made up of mostly Latino Professionals or Professional Latinos, but I promise to find out. In the meantime, here’s their video-pitch.
This Company Wants me to Celebrate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ by Tattooing My ‘Ta-Tas’
Temporary breast tattoo company TaTaToos is so excited about Cinco de Mayo, it has come up with a culturally-relevant line of tattoos that promise to make your holiday -what else?- spicier.
I’m not sure what’s more depressing; if saying “tatas” instead of tetas, or having you celebrate the Battle of Puebla by imprinting some Spanish-language copy on your chest.
In any case, here’s part of the pitch from the original press release:
Make your Cinco de Mayo HOT this year with Ta*ta*toos – temporary tattoos that last up to 5 – 7 days. They are perfect to apply lower on the chest to ensure discreetness when wearing apparel and can be removed with household rubbing alcohol in less than 30 seconds!
I don’t think I’ll be celebrating a Mexican holiday by putting a tattoo on my “tatas…” Still, that part about rubbing alcohol on them sounds quite enticing.
Some Dude in Chicago Raised Money to Graph the Deliciousness of a Burrito
Have you ever felt compelled to rate the deliciousness of a burrito? I’m sure you have, so I have good news for you: Some basket case guy in Chicago set up a Kickststarter page to fund The Burrito Graph Project, whose ultimate goal is to rate the deliciousness of a Chipotle burrito and create a graph to express said deliciousness.
The genius behind this very important endeavor is Noboru Bitoy, who assures us he did not receive any support from the Chipotle chain (where the Burrito Graph Project was conducted). Instead, he successfully raised $171, which made possible the completion of the project.
All we have to do now is sit tight and wait until March, which is when the Deliciousness Burrito Graphic is expected to be posted in all its glory.
Via: CNET
OMG, you Guys! The ‘Hispanic Wal-Mart’ is Shutting Down
On the heels of the unshocking announcement that CNN Latino is to shut down later this month, more bad news about Hispanic things are coming to the Hispanic world of Hispanics in the U.S.
According to The Packer, a trade publication you’ve probably never heard of, Wal-Mart plans to pull the plug on its lone Más Club pilot store.
In case you don’t know, Más Club was an 87,000-square-foot warehouse store (similar to a Sam’s Club) but carried more Hispanic-focused products, presumably Hispanic cheese, Mexican Coke, Cuban sandwiches, Pringles Tortillas, Hispanic lettuce and the like. A Hispanic Sam’s Club if you will.
This is a bummer, because I guess my people will have to settle for shopping at a regular, non-Latino Wal-Mart. But hey! Not everything is sad news: Very soon, we will be able to get our entertainment from Variety Latino, and not from the regular Variety. And if this doesn’t cheer us up enough, we should always remember that 2014 has been coined as the Year of the Latino by Fox News Latino.
¡Sí, señor!
[In the meantime, I will backtrack on a previous plan to change the name of this blog to Latino Mi blog es tu blog. I’m sure it will not last one week under that moniker.
Frito Lay Thinks Pico de Gallo Flavored Chips are a Good Idea
I kind of like it when gringos go out of their way and tweak their menus and snacks to cater to “a more diverse America.”
Thanks to their relentless search for multicultural tasty perfection, we now have the Dunkin Donuts’ culturally-relevant Cuban sandwich, 7-Eleven’s Latin-inspired food and the millennial-targeted Doritos Dinamita to name only a few.
And now a new contender has arrived: Frito Lay’s Pico de Gallo flavored chips, which I’m sure will help the m lure the taste buds of my people (i.e. The Mexicans).
But if you are in the restaurant business, don’t think these papitas will help you lure more Hispanics to your establishment… This will, though. Enjoy the windfall.
Thank you @minsd for the tip.
These Guys are not Screwed, They are Screwed Up
I don’t really know what’s worse: If watching a video of Tim Donnelly pledging to put a goddam gun in every goddam American home, or witnessing the pathetic, supposedly funny translation by María Conchita Alonso while clutching a pet named Tequila and informing us about the large size of Donnelly’s balls.
I am also not sure how I managed to make it to the following 3 minutes below, but I did. Sadly.
In any case, I felt I had to say sorry to my Californian friends. This blogger will be praying for you.
This Argentinian ‘Chef’ Will Teach you How NOT to Make Tacos
Argentinian “chef” Maru Botana this week came under fire by my people (i.e. The Mexicans) after she attempted to do something Argentinians should never, ever, do: prepare Mexican food.
“Botana,” which is Spanish for “snack” and thus very likely not her real name, took to national television in Argentina to demonstrate how to prepare “real Mexican tacos,” which was nothing but a bizarre concoction of eggplant, green peas, chicken, cherry tomatoes and hard boiled eggs wrapped up in something she thinks is a home-made tortilla.
The offending recipe reaches its peak when Ms. Botana decides to place the tortilla maker actually on the burner, quickly transitioning her endeavor from a cooking parody to just plain disaster.
Below is a small taste of the debacle. For the complete mess tutorial of how NOT to make tacos, go here:
At Last. A Culturally Relevant, Cocktail-Themed Toothpaste
Latinos don’t always brush their teeth, but when they do, they brush them with a mojito mint-flavored toothpaste.
Because, really, what else were we going to use?
Univision’s Fernando Fiore is Now Peddling Power Tools
In the latest sign of the hotness of the U.S. Latino market, Univision sportscaster Fernando Fiore has been hired by Makita to promote the one and only “Mexican National Team 7-1/4″ Circular Saw Blade.”
Call me crazy, but I’m not sure what an Argentina-born sportscaster and a Mexican National Soccer Team have to do with a 7-1/4″ Circular Saw Blade.
But, hey, that’s me!
Click here to watch Fiore in full action pitching the 7-1/4″ Circular Saw Blade
The $19.95 Quesadilla; Proudly Endorsed by the NY Times
Photo: Laura Martinez
Doritos Dinamita: Your Key to the Elusive Hispanic Millennial
Are you trying to reach the elusive Hispanic millennial but not sure how to go about it? I don’t blame you… After all, Hispanic millennials, while similar to regular, non-Hispanic millennials are a “dynamic group of individuals with diverse backgrounds and distinct traits.” Duh.
This and other shocking revelations can be found in this “insightful” (LOL) PR Week piece, which has laid out some awesome marketing tips for brands trying to reach Hispanic millennials. My favorite:
An example of a brand creating a product “para mi” is Doritos’ launch of Dinamita Nacho Picoso, rolled tortilla chips that are similar to taquitos (also known as flautas), a common Latin American dish. This not only illustrates Doritos understands the culture and flavor preferences of this community, but underscores the influence Hispanic Millennials and the Latin palette have on driving mainstream trends and new products.
Other insights inform us that Hispanic millennials “listen to Calle 13 and Jay-Z and eat arroz con pollo and mac and cheese interchangeably,” which is, like great and all, although I’m not sure where the Dorito-Nacho-Picoso-Latin-eating fits in here. You tell me.
In Latest Sign of Commitment to U.S. Hispanics, Dish Goes ‘Google Translate’
IMPORTANT UPDATE: On 07/29/2013 Dish responded to this post by a Tweet presumably written by a human being with very, very poor writing skills in Spanish.
One does not have to be a genius to realize Dish Networks is very good at pinching pennies. Otherwise, how would you explain them using Google Translate when they could have called this blogger to do a relatively better job translating “Now Playing?”
Anyhow… I guess “No cost” beats “Low cost.”
Hat tip: @elburgues
