Wanna Look Like This? Eat Lots of M&M’s

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After 6 days and 15 hours in Mexico City, stuffing myself with tacos de canasta, chiles en nogada and the like, I failed to see that what a lady needs to look forever thin is a good amount of M&M’s. At least that is according to Eva Longoria.

“Premium M&M’s offer a little bit of luxury with each bite,” Eva Longoria Parker, told Marketing y Medios, “noting that her favorite candy is the mocha, then rethinking her choices and correcting herself, saying that she enjoys all five varieties of the chocolate candies.”

Oh dear, and to think that I’ve been making the wrong food choices all these days… I guess it’s time to turn to the Hot Latin Diet.

Mexican Barbie is World’s Most ‘Kidnappable’

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And speaking of my beloved Mexico City, last week the country’s capital unveiled the world’s most expensive Barbie doll. Ever. Because, where else could something like this happen?

“The new doll is believed to have over 300 real diamonds. It is valued at one million Mexican pesos ($100,000),” reported the local press.

I just wish for Barbie’s sake the family has already thought about injecting her a microchip. I mean, you never know.

Mexican Cops Now Taking Bribes in your Language

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You gotta give it to Mexico City’s police force. Not satisfied with taking bribes from fellow Mexican citizens, in their native language, they are now expanding their activities to foreign nationals, in other people’s language for their comfort.

Two transit police officers today were charged with stealing $150 from an Australian tourist, who after being told by a cop that it was OK to go over a red light, was later stopped -and threatened to be fined- for, well, going over a red light!

Upon seizing her Australian driver’s license, the cop told her -in perfect, and probably heavily accented English: “No money, no license.”

I’ve only been in Mexico City for like 24 hours, but I’m already impressed by the progress made by my country’s institutions: no English no progress. Well done y que viva México!

Got a Hispanic Biz? Don’t Forget the Chili Pepper

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A Chicago-based advertising shop is up for sale. So how else can you assure potential buyers that you have what it takes to understand Hispanics but by inserting a picture of a red chili pepper in your sale document?

One can only thank the owner of this “forward thinking agency” for his decision to relocate to Spain.

Interested? Click on the following link to read the pdf: sunbelt-1

Gobble Up. September is Cholesterol Education Month

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Man! I’ve been so busy trying to catch up with my politics, that I almost forgot that September is Cholesterol Education Month. But thanks to media visionaries who care about us, I now know there is a healthy, Hispanic-looking snack that is good for us during this crucial month.

“Corazonas heart-healthy chips are proven to lower your cholesterol when eaten twice a day with meals,” according to their creators and -of course- Oprah Winfrey.

The company is now launching the Corazonas challenge, calling on people to reduce their triglycerides by lots and lots of points in a few days.

I haven’t decided yet if I’ll join the challenge but one thing is already very challenging to me: What on Earth does “Corazonas” mean? (and why do they have to be picante?)

Daddy Yankee’s McCain Endorsement Is Tough Act to Follow

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I’m sure you know by now that Puerto Rico reggaeton sensation Raymond Ayala (aka Daddy Yankee) has endorsed McCain, the 72-year-old make believe ABBA fan, simply because -duh- they both seem to be very fond of La Gasolina.

So without further due, this blog is hereby endorsing the Marranito Ranchero, mostly because he truly embraces diversity:

“Me gustan las altas y las chaparritas, las flacas, las gordas y las chiquititas, solteras y viudas y divorciaditas; me encantan las chatas de caras bonitas…”

¡Ajúa!

Tracking Rich Mexicans Via Satellite

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Well, it seems European dogs are not the only ones being tracked via satellite. Rich Mexicans will now be able to be monitored –and hopefully rescued– in case of kidnapping, thanks to Xega, a Mexican security firm, which is implanting tiny radio transmitters under people’s skins and selling them like pancakes.

The chip is by no means cheap: They cost $4,000 plus an annual fee of $2,200, so this is clearly poised to be a very healthy business for its creators.

Still no news on how the Calderón government plans to deal with the alarming rate of kidnapping in Mexico, but hey at least he’s fostering the nation’s entrepreneurial spirit…(sigh.)

¡Sí se puede!

Puerto Rico Man Spends His Own Wake ‘Bien Parao’

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“Para’o” (standing up) is how this Puerto Rican man, 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina, spent his own wake, which -mind you- lasted three days.

Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother’s living room, reported the local press.

Pantoja’s mom and brother say they were only complying with the dead man’s last wish: to be upright for his own wake… and, presumably, dressed up like a reggaetonero.

Only in Puerto Rico.