Category: Language

Sofía Vergara Launches ‘Ethnic’ Fragrance, Because One Can Never Have Enough Money

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sofia-fragranceIt has been a while since I bug you guys with Latino celebrities and their Latino fragrances, so bear with me.

A bit late, but not to be outdone by the likes of Paulina Rubio, Shakira, Antonio Banderas and even José José, the super-famous, super-rich, super-accented and super-ubiquitous Sofía Vergara is the latest Latina celebrity to announce her own fragrance, which will appear sometime in April in U.S. department stores.

In an inexplicably long article, Sofía Vergara told Women’s Wear Daily that her fragrance will have orchids and roses, not only because they are her favorite flowers, but because they are also Colombian.

“I wanted to bring a little bit of who I am, my ethnicity, where I’m from, and I thought it was very cool to be able to get flowers from Colombia actually into the perfume.” 

I am sure she said all of this in an impossibly accented English, which is fine when you consider that is part of her charm and definitely the secret behind her many millions of non-ethnic money.

Burlington Coat Factory Lures Hispanic Shoppers with Typos

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Bolsademano

I think it’s nice of retailers to include Spanish-language signage in their stores. But if they are going to go the extra mile to include accents, they would be well advised to check a dictionary.

That shouldn’t be that hard, would it?

Photo: Laura Martínez, NYC.

UPDATE: An earlier version of this post misidentified the store. The photo was taken at Burlington Coat Factory in New York City.

Peña Nieto to Meet Obama, Harper Today. This Blogger Will Secure Proper ‘Subtituleishon’

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Enrique Peña Nieto (aka as the Savior of Mexico) will meet today in Toluca with President Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

But despite all the good vibes and buena onda around this meeting, I’m genuinely worried about Mr. Peña Nieto’s poor command of the English language. So, even though I didn’t vote for the chap, nor I think he is saving Mexico, I’d like to take this opportunity to offer him my services as a professional simultaneous translator; or if he so prefers, to facilitate proper subtituleishon for his speech  -which I’m sure will be historic.

Said subtituleishon will look a little bit like this:

50 Shades of Gray… Hispanic Marketing Edition

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The folks over at GrandeLASH products were so eager to peddle its “outrageous” GrandeLASH mascara to Spanish-speaking Latinas, they picked up the first dictionary they came across and looked for the Spanish translation of the word “lash.”

Per WordReference:

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And so this happened:

Latigazos

I don’t know you, but I don’t like latigazos –neither before nor after– I go to “accost.” And don’t get me started on restalleos…

Hat tip: Mi blog Senior Correspondent @LParavano

Appropriately, my Book Is Featured on Cheesy ‘Latin’ Video

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TalkDirtyYoutube

I don’t mean to brag, but you know? I wrote a book. Yes, a physical thing made of paper and ink, which was actually sold in Amazon.com and all, making it –at some point– to the New York Times list of The 500 Books You Will be Well Advised to Ignore (i.e. Not Buy.)

Anyhow, I did not make a penny out of the thing, but I had tons of fun co-writing it with the insanely funny Alexis Munier, an American nutcase imported from Switzerland, who came knocking on my Inbox many moons ago.

But I digress. It is with great delight [and thanks to the watchful eye of Diego Olivé] that I’m happy to see my opera prima reaching YouTube-celebrity status as important footage in this Lorrie Morgan & Sammy Kershaw rendition of He Drinks Tequila.

Here is Talk Dirty: Spanish, in all its literary glory.

This. Blogger. Can. Now. Die. In. Peace.

OMG, You Guys! The Latin James Bond is Coming!

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Screen Shot 2013-12-14 at 12.31.32 PM

U.S.-born Latinos who prefer to speak English -and pretty much suck at writing in any language- can’t get enough novelty on television this 2013. First came Fusion, with its easy-to-understand English-language news shows. And now, comes El Rey Network, a new English-language cable network created by director Robert Rodriguez and backed by Comcast and -who else?- Univision.

Scheduled to launch later this month, El Rey Network was introduced in May by Univision CEO Randy Falco as part of Univision’s “firm commitment to providing Latinos with the best in-culture programming available.”

And what could be more “in-culture” than an Untitled Latin James Bond?

I’m telling you, I can’t wait for a hot, brawny mustachioed Latin man asking for his margarita, shaken, not steeeeerd.

There’s also tons of action: Mass shootings, burning cars and even a exploding brassiere or two. Take a look:

Cool Iron = Hierro Chulo

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Cool_iron

There are only a few things that need absolutely no explanation to make it to this blog. This is one of them.

Whoever was responsible for finding the proper Spanish-language translation of “Cool Iron” and came up with THIS, deserves nothing but my most humble admiration -and an open invitation to a Happy Hour in New York City, at a bar of his/her choice.

(Oh, and don’t get me started on “Mano se lava” and “No caiga”)

Photo: Eperiensense, via @tropicarlitos 

Looking to Reverse Soup Slump, Campbell’s Turns to Hispanics

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NachoFiestaCheese
What other delicious recipes might Campbell’s be cooking for my people?

If you thought Fiesta Nacho Cheese, Kick-It-Up a Nacho or Mexican-style chicken tortilla  soups were enough to satisfy the demanding palate of my people (i.e. Hispanics,) think again. The venerable Campbell Soup Company, hoping to reverse a “soup slump,” is ready to accelerate its Hispanic-themed and Hispanic-targeted canned soups and other so-called food products.

But don’t think that throwing in some queso and tortillas will be enough to attract more U.S. Hispanics. According to this article in Food Business News, the company “has added dual-language packaging for some of its products,” presumably in a similar way they’ve done with the “French” language.

Somehow Campbell thinks "Fiesta de légumes" is Spanish for "Fiesta Vegetable."
Somehow Campbell’s thinks “Fiesta de légumes” is French for “Fiesta Vegetable.” [Oh, but is Fiesta Vegetable English or Spanish?]
Alas, there was no mention in such article about how “Fiesta Vegetable” became Fiesta de légumes in “French” but I guess that’s material for a future post.

Yummy!

At Last! English-language TV I Can Actually Understand

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jorge-ramos-y-leon-krauze_323x216The big news today was the official launch of Fusion, the ABC News/Univision joint cable network, whose tagline, Not Everybody Gets It, is more than fitting, considering I have Time Warner Cable and thus, I don’t GET it.

But I digress. Among Fusion’s premiere shows today were America with Jorge Ramos, and Open Source, hosted by León Krauze, both Mexican paisanos of mine, who will be hosting their own English-language shows.

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This, of course, couldn’t make this blogger any happier. At last, after all these years in this country, I’ll be able to watch English-language TV and actually understand it.

Can’t wait for much more of stuff like this. After all, as Jorge Ramos says: This is ágüer America! O sea que ¡ajúa, güeyes!