Mexico Figures out the Best Way to Enforce Social Distancing

Should this be the case, I would totally keep way more than the 6 feet required.

In these times of pandemia, we all now know what social distancing (also called “physical distancing,”) means keeping space between yourself and other people outside of your home. To practice social or physical distancing, the CDC recommends to stay at least 6 feet (about two arms’ lenght) from other people and to avoid gathering in groups.

So far so good, but I’d rather follow the guidance of this chicken shop in Mexico, which basically states:

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE AS IF YOUR EX WAS IN LINE WITH THEIR NEW PARTNER

Mexicans: How can anyone not like us?

Photo vía Reddit

Cinco de Mayo in the Time of Coronavirus Is Just as Dumb as Regular Cinco de Mayo

Shelter de Mayo? Shoot me I’m muerta

No access to the outside world? No problemo!

District Taco, a so-called taquería based in I-don’t-know-where-but-not-Mexico wants you to know that you can “take back your right to fiesta” by ordering the coronavirus-special sheltering in place combo: Delicioso steak fajitas, PLUS chips with your choice of two dips!

This, of course, is a promotion about this blogger’s favorite “Fake Mexican Fiesta” (FMF) aka Cinco de Mayo, which is just around the corner. ¡Ay!

Anyhow, hold onto your sombreros. The madness is about to begin!

Hat tip: Juan Escalante

 

If 2020 Was a Kitchen Gadget, it Would Be this ‘Taco Toaster’

This thing promises ‘crunchy goodnes,’ but it’s giving me a heart attack instead.

Move over $30-dollar Taco Toaster, here comes a less expensive, even more outrageous contraption to make what Americans think is a taco. I give you the … $22-dollar Made in California Taco Toaster, a plastic/metal mold thingy to hold your “taco” in place while you put it in a toaster –for some reason.

Worse than looking at this thing is reading the description of what it is and what it promises:

Creating a well-executed taco is an artform: salty black beans with sweet onions, blistery red peppers and corn, spicy guacamole, cooling Cotija–and best of all–a crunchy shell you can pile all this goodness into. This petite gadget lets you make crispy taco shells at home in your toaster, without any of the added oil like the ones you’d find in the grocery store.

Now if y’all excuse myself, I’ll go get drunk.

Via: Uncommon Goods

A ‘Latin-Style Fiesta Pet-Parade’ Is Just What 2020 Was Missing

“OK, I’ll pose, but please don’t put me inside the piñata.”

What would you do to raise funds to help cute little furry friends in these times of crisis? Well, how about hosting a “Latin-style” pet parade and livestream it to the millions of suckers stuck at home trying to avoid getting coronavirus?

That is exactly what the San Antonio Humane Society will be doing on May 2. At approximately 3 p.m. local time, the society will livestream its annual Fiesta fundraising event, which helps raise funds to support local shelters, adoption and care programs in the area.

According to the local press, those who log on for the virtual fun can expect to enjoy a parade of “furry friends modeling sombreros and posing beside papier maché margaritas,” because apparently that’s what pets in San Antonio do.

I’m not sure the below canine looks particularly happy at the prospect of drinking a paper margarita, but then again, I’m not a pet person, so who knows?

“Make it quick, Jen, I feel totally ridiculous.”

Hat tip: Melissa Salas Blair; photos via: San Antonio Express News

We Must Stop Cauliflower Tortillas Before it’s Too Late

As if I didn’t have enough bad news these days, someone just mentioned Cauliflower, a Los Angeles-based company determined to “reinvent our favorite foods” with healthier options, including cauliflower rice, cauliflower chips and cauliflower pizza dough.

While I couldn’t care less about what they do to rice and pizza, they’re now proudly peddling the ¡Viva Cauliflower Tortilla! apparently because people really really needed a grain-free, cauliflower tortilla to wrap God knows what in them.

“Caulipower’s mission is to listen to what people want,” Gail Becker, founder and CEO of Caulipower, told Baking Business. “Like pizza, tortillas are beloved, versatile and a natural fit for us to create a better-for-you option.”

Listen, Gail, I’m sure you’re all healthy and all that, but who are you to say this is a better-for-me option? Last time I checked, my better-for-me-option was a deliciously greasy set of carnitas wrapped in –what else?– a double corn tortilla.

Besides, if you really really want a healthy meal, just go squash some cauliflower and roll things inside it, but don’t call these things tortillas if you don’t want me to throw a fit.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Photo via: Caulipower

Mexico’s Top Health Official Is Now an Official Piñata, Because Mexico

Hugo López-Gatell as a piñata? Yes, please, thank you.

It is official: Hugo López-Gatell Ramírez, the Mexican deputy health minister in the frontlines of the fight against COVID-19 has been immortalized in a piñata from the famed Piñatería Ramírez in northern Mexico.

The López-Gatell piñata comes with –what else– a mini version of the coronavirus piñata and a sign with a very appropriate message in these times of pandemia: Quédate en casa (Stay home.)

As a Twitter follower wrote the other day: This is “as prestigious as having been inducted into the Mexican historical hall of fame.”

Today in Surreal Mexico: Social Distancing at the Combi Stop

I had promised myself to stop blogging about coronavirus, mostly because I live in New York City and everything is terrible and I keep having anxiety attacks over the whole thing. But then I’ve been facetiming, skype-ing and zooming a lot lately with family and friends in Mexico who send me the funniest memes, videos and jokes about the pandemia and then I smile again.

However, no meme or joke would ever come close to my country’s daily life struggles as the crisis intensifies, and the Mexican government plays catch up with the rest of the world in setting up guidelines and policies to contain the virus.

Take the above “heroes” on a colectivo stop, keeping a healthy distance in line just to end up all crammed up inside… of course, because Mexico.

Filing this under #SurrealMexico and #SusanaDistancia.

Photo via Reddit México

Inspired by Mexico, a Chicago Bakery Is Now Making its Own Conchavirus

They look more like happy frogs, but it’s the intention that counts, right?

Well, that didn’t take long.

Barely a couple of days after this VERY INFLUENTIAL BLOG first reported on the Iztapalapa conchavirus, a small bakery in Chicago is now making their own version.

“We wanted to turn a negative into a positive one by creating my very own conchavirus,” Eddie Vázquez, executive pastry chef and owner at Rosy’s Bakery, told ABC News Chicago.

Fortunately for Mr. Vázquez, Chicagoans are so excited about they’re placing their orders by the dozen, and I still don’t know how they get the courage to go out, but that’s another story…

It’s not a secret that 2020 sucks, but –heck– it has been a good year for conchas.

Quintana Roo’s Police Force Is Ready to Fight Coronavirus … to the Tune of ‘Mariachi Loco’

The Mexican police force in Quintana Roo (yes, that’s the state where Cancún is located) has come with an awesome PSA to let the community know that the deadly coronavirus is not going to get them.

Watch as police men and women dance to the tune of the Mariachi loco song and simple but catchy lyrics that go sort of like this:

The coronavirus wants to arrive…

The coronavirus wants to arrive….

But it will have to face the cops

I’d like to inform everyone,

That Quintana Roo will not be infected and we’ll do awawy with this virus

OK that sounds boring if you read it, but the actual video is deliciously fun!

Take it away, mariachi loco!

 

 

Mexican Bakery Introduces the Conchavirus, because Mexico

From Iztapalapa to the world…

Speaking of Mexico and the seriousness of COVID-19, a bakery in Iztapalapa, Mexico has come up with a coronavirus-like sweet bread, which they’re calling –what else?– the conchavirus. According to a very reliable source (i.e. a commenter on my Instagram feed) the genius behind this thing is Panificadora Juanito, a 30-year-old establishment which prides itself of using all natural ingredients.

Oh, did I mention the conchavirus is only $6.50 pesos? That’s… practically USD 25 cents.

Filing under “Mexicans: How can anyone not like us?”

Hat tip: @DatBoopGirl

Tortillas, Toilet Paper and the Importance of the Simple Things

My local deli recently ran out of toilet paper, but it stocks plenty of these. So, we’re good…

I spent a good part of Tuesday, March 17 looking for toilet paper in my neighborhood –to no avail. Somehow, the coronavirus crisis has turned people in some sort of toilet paper-hoarding zombies, emptying the shelves at supermarkets, bodegas and pharmacies.

The craziness is not limited to New York City or even the US: My brother sent me a photo (below) from a Mexico City supermarket, showing people doing exactly the same thing: Hoarding toilet-paper –except supplies seem to be abundant down there (at least for now.)

What’s with toilet paper?

I tried again one day later and this time my local bodega (PapaSito) proudly advertised that toilet paper was back, so I went in (naturally). Several rolls of toilet paper wrapped individually sat at the top of a very tall counter, one I couldn’t reach, so I asked a fellow Mexican who works there for help. Our conversation went something like this:

–Can you please pass me four of those? –I asked.

-Four? Only four? –said the man almost incredulous. –Why don’t you take more? People are coming in and getting 15-30 rolls at once…

-Because… I’m not deranged? –I replied.

My paisano cracked up upon hearing that, and then noticed I had also bought a few packs of corn tortillas.

–Well, I’d be damned if we were to run out of those! –He said pointing at my packs of Poblanitas.

I walked away thinking he was absolutely right and was happy to get back to my quarantine (not before I stopped for some other basic goods.)

This Fine Restaurant in Arizona Might Want to Consider a Name Change

Good luck marketing this thing to Spanish speakers…

Shopping for a wedding venue in Arizona?

Well, there’s this fine place at the base of Camelback Mountain offering “breathtaking views, impeccable service and an unforgettable experience,” –and judging from the pictures found on their Website, it looks like it delivers on its promise.

However, you might want to consider not inviting any Spanish-speaking friends (especially Mexicans) to your event, unless you want them to spend their time cracking up jokes behind your back or simply avoiding the food in fear of catching this dreadful malady.