And just when I thought life couldn’t be more miserable, Taco Bell today announced the national rollout of the “Naked Egg Taco,” a “thing” that for a while was only available to the poor souls of Flint, Michigan.
“The Naked Egg Taco strips down the traditional breakfast taco, allowing us to deliver a new flavor experience in every single bite,” said Liz Matthews, Chief Food Innovation Officer at Taco Bell Corp, apparently with a straight face.
In case you were wondering, this “thing” is filled with fried potatoes, cheese, sausage or bacon and will roll out nationwide on August 31 at a bargain price of $1.99.
I have no idea what this salon is up to, but in addition to a “refrigerio” Wednesday, they’re offering to implant you with the hair of an Indian virgin — for some reason.
Mexican immigrants are not precisely popular these days –and I’m pretty sure we’ll all get deported real soon. But local mariachis are making their way to the world of high fashion, thanks in part to Kate Spade New York.
The brand has tapped the all-female mariachi band Flor de Toloache to tout its “timeless — and timely — collection,” which is full of “cute cultural references” and is now available on Kate Spade’s Website.*
WATCH as the all-female band gets on the [FAILING] New York City subway while model Fernanda Ly walks in sporting a “lace-trimmed flouncy dresses” and a handbag that features a tiny burrito or something weird like that.
*Alas, the fabulous black charro suits are not part of the collection’s offering.
Who cares if switching to Geico can save you 15 percent or more on car insurance?
If I were to have a car — or live in Texas — (both very unlikely scenarios) I’d totally call Jim Adler, aka El Martillo Tejano, who promises to protect my people (i.e. The Hispanics) from sleazy insurance companies and give us the most compensation possible in case of a car accident.
Watch Adler inform us about his services in the best Gringo-Spanish I’ve heard in a while.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep blogging, when Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Stories et al keep beating me to the punch, like, by the second. But there are things that are just so beautiful that they deserve to be immortalized in this venerable, non-for-profit, read-by-nobody blog. And this is one of them.
So there. Enjoy. And repeat after me: “Mexicans: How can anyone not love us?”
Some laser hair removal shop in Brazil called Espaçolaser thought it would be a great idea to use a Before-After image of Frida Kahlo showing how unbelievably different (presumably better) she would have looked AFTER undergoing a hair laser removal therapy with them.
Tajín: Don’t Leave Home Without itI don’t care much for fashion designers, nor what they carry — or not — in their bags when they travel. However, you have to give it to Luxury Menswear designer Michael Bastian for informing us about his obsession with Tajín, the ubiquitous Mexican spice that has been getting traction among — who else? — hipsters and millennials on this side of the border.
As Mr. Bastion himself wrote in New York magazine:
I’ve seen people use it to rim a margarita glass, to shake on watermelon and oranges, or on scrambled eggs. Amazing on corn on the cob. It’s great on everything, particularly in the summer. Keep it in your carry-on and go crazy.
So far so good, Michael, and we’re willing to go crazy with you, but here’s a useful, free-of-charge piece of advice: Why pay $9 for a 14 oz. Tajín bottle in Amazon when you can buy, like, dozens of those in Mexico for that price? I mean, nobody wants to be taken for a ride, and I’m sure you’re not the exception…
According to my sources (i.e. the World Wide Web) Mexican and U.S. brewers have gotten together to reinvent Donald Trump as a “gun-slinging mariachi” to promote Amigous, a beer supposed to “celebrate cross-border cooperation.” But the gun is only the beginning. From the little I could read, Trump’s trousers are held up with a swastika belt buckle, and the rear label of the beer informs the reader that the 71-year-old New Yorker belongs “in a mad house, not the White House.”
The “innovative” product comes on the heels of the Trump-inspired toilet paper and other crazy ideas out there.
I am not going to spend too much time on talking about this thing, because 1) I’m super busy and 2) It’s almost impossible to keep up with all the marketing nonsense around our current administration and the dark, sad hole we’ve all fallen into.
Well, I’m happy to report Mr. Goldsmith has a new gig, and it has to do with drinking something way more interesting than watery beer. Starting this month Goldsmith will be the new face of Astral Tequila, because — really — that’s what you’re supposed to drink when you’re a grown up, handsome, interesting person. (I’m just going to have to investigate about that particular brand of tequila, which honestly sounds a bit fishy.)
The full ads are not out yet, but a video teaser uploaded this week by Davos Brands shows us the very interesting Mr. Goldsmith, surrounded by beautiful women, of course, and telling us: “I told you, I don’t always drink beer.”
Hopefully, Mr. Goldsmith will remember not mention Dos Equis by name.
New level takes place in a Mexican town called — what else? — Tostarena
Some people are really losing their sh*t over Super Mario Odyssey, Nintendo’s upcoming game for the Nintendo Switch set to release in October.
The reason? Among the challenges to be faced by our cute mustachioed friend is a new “Mexican level,” a town called — what else? — Tostarena, which is populated by “colorful skull-headed creatures in ponchos and sombreros.”
Not only I’m not offended by this idea; I’m so totally looking forward to playing this thing. I mean, everyone here looks very happy, has a guitar, wears a sombrero and — I can only hope — eats tostadas all day.
So, ¡ajúa!
El nivel mexicanito de Mario Odyssey se llama “Tostarena Town”. Because Tostadas… pic.twitter.com/GbIZuN1zB0
While y’all were busy reporting on the latest tweets of our Commander in Chief, Luis Fonsi paid a visit to Conan O’Brien, because life is determined to drive me crazy poquito a poquito…
I don’t know you, but if the creators of the “smashing hit” have their way, I will end up very soon in a mental institution or — better yet — chopping my head off so I don’t have to hear THAT THING EVER AGAIN.
Enrique Iglesias (aka Henry Churches) rocked the Telemundo Upfront party Monday night
May is my favorite month of the year, and not only because it is my birthday, and spring is blooming and all that crap. It is because in addition to the very serious journalistic work I do everyday, I get to attend some of the presentations, parties and after-parties around the so-called Hispanic TV upfronts.
My favorite part, of course, is trying to cover the not-so-serious side of the three-day-marathon of parties, parties and programming presentations, interviews and business meetings.
Here are some highlights of this year’s Hispanic TV upfronts, which have left this blogger (and her liver) particularly damaged.
CNN en Español: Eñes, Eñes Everywhere!
* Hispanic TV Upfront week officially kicked off with a small, but lively party in New York City hosted by CNN en Español, which insists on putting an eñe on its logo, even though it looks silly and makes no sense whatsoever. This time around, though, the “eñe-offender” made its way to pillows, cookies and chocolates, because why have pass the opportunity to amplify the silliness?
The ‘zucker’ ran away before I could ask him a question
Personally, the highlight of this year’s CÑÑ’s presentation was non other than Jeff Zucker, the mero merojefe of CNN (sans eñe,) who kicked off the event by addressing the audience in a moderately good Spanish.
Needless to say, this blogger did her best to run after him as soon as he stepped off the thing and tried to ask him who had coached him in the language of Cervantes. Alas, I have to report Mr. Zucker runs way faster than me!
Telemundo
Unlike previous years, Telemundo did not host its own upfront presentation, but was a small part of a much bigger event by parent company NBCU at Radio City Hall. But in an effort to make it up to the many people it didn’t invite to Radio City Hall (ahem, ahem, self,) it treated hundreds of advertising executives, media — and me, of course — to a lavish party Monday night featuring Enrique Iglesias (also known as The-Singer-That-Makes-This-Blogger-Feel-Like-a-Cougar.)
As usual, right before the event I was able to squeeze past security and reach the so-called VIP area of the Hammerstein Ballroom, where I spotted my friend José Díaz Balart chatting with former Univision star Mario Kreutzberger (aka Don Francisco) who is making a TV comeback on Telemundo — for some reason.
It is important to note there was some kind of “wall” between me and the celebrities, but nothing a crafty Mexican couldn’t get through.
Univision’s ‘Proof of Passion’
Univision’s theme for its 2017 Upfront presentation was “Proof of Passion,” a celebration of the things that Hispanics are so passionate about, namely soccer, family and dancing! Yes, there was the usual stuff about how much my people (i.e. The Hispanics) love soccer, their family and all that jazz. But there were also some fun jabs at Telemundo’s own theme, SHIFT, which Univision simply dismissed as just “a crock of shift.”
“We’ve heard how there’s some kind of shift happening,” said Steve Mandala, Univision’s executive vicepresident of ad sales. “That is a crock of shift.”
LOL.
Univision’s presentation closed with Shakira performing two songs. TWO SONGS, after which she just simply wished us all well and walked away.
Oh and did I mention how RUDE and awful it was for Univision to forgo its lavish luncheon that had become a legend in town? Come on, Randy Falco, that luncheon was literally the only thing that made this blogger get her Latina butt moving and stand the horrors of Times Square.
Are you telling me Univision finances are so bad that you couldn’t afford the spiced pollo of last year? SAD!
‘People en Español’s’ Beautiful Latinos
‘People en Español’s’ Armando Correa insisted so much, that I had to attend his thing
No Hispanic TV upfront would be complete without the funnest party of them all: The People en Español’s 50 Más Bellos bash, an annual ritual for me — and 50 other beautiful Latinos.
This year, the party took place at ESPACE NY, and – unlike previous years – it was much smaller, and the room looked kind of empty at times. On the bright side, it was easier to harass famous, beautiful Latin people and refill my champagne glass way faster than in years before.
Other than me, other beautiful people who showed up included.
María Elena Salinas, looking sharp as ever and drinking tons of water (which is what I should have done)
Thalía, who received an special award for being the Latina that has been featuring more times in the special Bellos issue….
Thalía has appeared more times in the “coveted” Bellos list. Me, on the other hand…
David Chocarro, who was seen posing near some skincare products, but could have used a comb instead…
… and Lili Estefan, Raúl de Molina, Geraldine Bazán, Gabriel Soto and many, many more famous Latinos whose name I couldn’t really catch after all those liters of … Seltzer water.
Anyhow, everything ended up smoothly and this blogger was able to go back home in one piece, blessed by a beautiful Manhattan night.
MI BLOG ES TU BLOG 