So, ¡Felicidades!
Note: Posting this as a screenshot, since I’m not sure how long the original tweet will last.
Category: Marketing & Advertising
This Coffee Shop Will Be Making ‘Margarita Doughnuts’ on Cinco de Mayo… Because Cinco de Mayo
It’s a full seven days before May 5th, but the marketing nonsense around the American festivity known as Cinco de Mayo is in full swing.
Take Kane’s Donuts, an “iconic Massachusetts doughnut shop,” which has sent out a press release (yes, a press release!) to tout its latest delicious concoction: a boozy-inspired, margarita flavored, green-glazed doughnut.
Fortunately, this thing will be available for a “limited time only” and this blogger hopes it will be limited to residents of Massachusetts.
This doesn’t make any sense, you know?
This Chicago Bar Wants you to Bash Trump on Cinco de Mayo
Chicago, the city with not one but Two Donald Trump toilets, is the proud host of the upcoming #ThumpTrump Cinco de Mayo Bash, a fiesta organized by a Lakeview beer & bourbon bar featuring a giant Trump piñata.
Like Mr. Trump would say, I think it’s terrific to give Chicagoans a chance to bash the Republican presidential front-runner, too. (Why would Mexicans have all the fun?)
I don’t know about you, but I’m already booking a plane ticket to the Windy City: Beer, bourbon, a Trump piñata… How can you go wrong?
The Hill Launches The Hill Latino: Just like The Hill, but Latino
Washington, D.C.-based online pub The Hill has apparently discovered the power of my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) so it’s launching The Hill Latino, which I suppose is just like regular The Hill, but Latino…
Stories include — of course — spicy hot headlines featuring Salma Hayek (aka the Lesbian taco.)
¡Ajúa!
JOB ALERT: Cinco de Mayo Ass Models Needed in Miami
Awwww, America: The land of the free, home of the brave — and the Milwaukee Taco Fest — is also the place to go to advance your career.
Take the above job opportunity hailing from — where else? — Florida, where some dude needs to hire 4 women for an adult business Cinco de Mayo event. Required are two “promo models” and two “ass models,” who will be paid $420/hr and $250/hr, respectively, for the gig. Ladies must be “fun, friendly and not uptight,” so boring, unfriendly and anxious señoritas, please refrain.
I don’t know about you, but I’m super interested in this thing, so I’m off to polish my… resume.
Let’s see if I can finally make some money off my Latin talents.
I will keep you posted.
Tostitos Telenovela Features Catalina Creel, and Lots of Shirtlessness
Among this blogger’s favorite: An English-speaking version of eye-patched villain Catalina Creel, accusing her (always shirtless) son Enrique of double-dipping in the brand’s new Chunky Habanero Salsa. “¡Doble-dippeaste!”
This thing is so hilarious that I’m sort of forgiving Tostitos for their past transgressions.
The series and a trailer are featured on Tostitos.com and the brand’s YouTube channel.
The Milwaukee Taco Fest Is all that Is Wrong with America
If you thought Cinco de Mayo was the ultimate Mexican-themed ridiculousness in America, wait till you see the inner workings of the Milwaukee Taco Fest, an annual extravaganza promising attendees “a day of taco tasting, tequila, margaritas, cervezas and tons of great entertainment.”
And by “great entertainment” we’re not talking about just any great entertainment, no señor, we’re talking live wrestling, a taco-eating contest and — of course — a Chihuahua beauty pageant.
Are you cringing yet?
I’m just about to go shoot myself, but you would be well advised to hold onto your sombreros because this thing is happening real soon and — unfortunately — there’s no stopping them.
Sombrero tip: Gil
Canelo Álvarez to Help Tecate ‘Amplify Modern Masculinity’
Tecate has launched its first national campaign in the U.S. featuring none other than Mexican boxing superstar Saúl “El Canelo” Álvarez. In a 30-second-spot, we see Mr. Álvarez being hailed — and carried (literally) — as some kind of King of bling bling only to jump on the ring like a champ and remind us that “he is always bold but never flashy.”
According to Adweek, Tecate’s Born Bold campaign is an effort to further “amplify modern masculinity” (whatever that means) among Hispanics and non-Hispanics alike.
“The primary target is still the Hispanic consumer,” brand director Belen Pamukoff told Adweek. “But as a secondary target, we have the general market.”
A second TV spot features a veteran referee losing his patience for one player’s attempt to draw a foul call against his opponent finally drawing the dreaded red card, something I believe is also an effort to “amplify modern masculinity.”
Anyhow, here goes.
Please watch and let me know: Did the spot help amplify your modern masculinity?
I Don’t Know you, but I’ll be Meeting with La Migra in April
Awww, New York City! — home of Mariachi Santas, Dominican sushi and life-size cardboard mariachis — is now proud to introduce you to La Migra, a Mexico-based norteño band that promises to rock your world on Friday April 8 in The Bronx.
According to a promo that has been plastered all over my neighborhood, La Migra will be soon playing at El Palenque, and the venue promises to let everybody in. Yes, EVERYBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO COME IN.
Are you listening, Border Patrol?
Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2016
Waldenbuch-Based Ritter Sport Introduces Tortilla Chips Chocolate Because Why the Hell Not?
I have never been to Waldenbuch, Germany, but I’m sure it’s a city teeming with creative people thinking out of the German box.
Take the Ritter Sport chocolate factory, which is pulling all its marketing strings to pitch its latest concoction: the Knusper Tortilla Chips Chocolate, which I’m not really able to describe to you, because these tricky people had the brilliant idea of explaining everything in German.
However, I was able to get a hold of a video, where you can see a bunch of German tortilla chips happily march to their German chocolate dead.
Hat tip: Marco Principato
¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here
Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you.
Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo Sunset Cruz, billed as “THE FIRST cruise BASH of the season!!!” (capital and bold letters their emphasis, not mine.)
Now, while the promotional flyer (above) hints the event will feature mariachis, chihuahua dogs in wrestling costumes and scantily-clad red-hair señoritas, photos from previous cruises show a very different reality, namely, tons of white guys & gals wearing sombreros and drinking like there’s no tomorrow.
Either way, this blogger wishes them the best in their celebration of “Mexican” culture, so … ¡Ajúa, Boston!
Take that, Mr. Trump: A Mexican and a Muslim Walk into a Boxing Ring… in America
I really wanted to avoid talking about You-Know-Who on this venerable blog, but I couldn’t resist helping my paisano, Oscar de la Hoya, spread the word about his super terrific plan to sticking it to El Trumpo.
In an effort to prove that Muslims *and* Mexicans are welcome in the U.S., Mr. De la Hoya is organizing a mega fight between two of the most popular Muslim and Mexican boxers on the planet: Amir Khan, of Britain, and Saúl “Canelo” Álvarez, from Mexico. The “mega mega” fight is to take place in Las Vegas this May 7 and the motivation behind it is simple –and awesome:
As Mr. De la Hoya told CNN about You-Know-Who:
“It’s mindboggling to know that he has those types of philosophies and thoughts,” said American-Mexican De La Hoya, seemingly referring to Drumpf’s call for a ban on Muslims entering the U.S., and building a wall between the country and Mexico.
Way to go, Oscar! See you in Vegas and hopefully not in the deportation plane back to Mexicou!
Here Is the Oscar-Winning Iñárritu Piñata: The Piñárritu
Currently on sale at Piñatería Ramírez.
Pillsbury Wants you to Believe this ‘thing’ is a Taco. It’s not
As if Taco Bell’s efforts to sell you “make-believe” Mexican food weren’t enough, Pillsbury is now peddling the Chicken Taco Grande Ring, yet another American-made concoction that will make sure your children will grow up with a twisted idea of what my people (i.e. The Mexicans) really eat.
According to my sources (i.e. my Brooklyn Special Taco Correspondent) there’s even a TV commercial of this thing airing on prime time, declaring “it’s time for the taco to come out of its shell.”
Well, I have news for you, Pillsbury: It’s not time for anything. This “thing” is not even a taco, so Stop. This. Now.
Hat tip: Brooklyn taco correspondent JPFalcone
Bud Light Banner Ad in Spanish Features Amy Schumer, Seth Rogen and Bad Grammar
Dear people of Budweiser:
While I appreciate your efforts to peddle bad, watery beer to my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) your advertising agency would be well-advised to plunk down a few pesitos to hire ME some Spanish-speaking person to at least — AT LEAST — proofread your stuff.*
Perhaps the folks that worked on the above banner would want to use Google Translate instead, which I’m sure is what you guys did to translate this other thing (below).
*DM me for details
