‘People en Español’ Ready to Unveil HEAT. Meanwhile, I’ll Keep Working on my MEAT

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Yeah, I wear a Mariachi hat every time I cook, which is like never

You might not know this, but last week, People en Español released its annual Hispanic Opinion Tracker (HOT) Study, which revealed some insights on “the changing role of Latina women in the U.S.”

This blogger attended such an important event (and ensuing cocktail, of course) to personally attest to the growing power of Latinos and Latinas everywhere -even at the Time Life Building, where most of the security and catering were done by our people… But I digress: In addition to presenting the study’s findings, People en Español also announced the upcoming launch of HEAT (Hispanic Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) which the magazine hopes will “help measure the effectiveness of a brand in reaching their demographic, based on Latinas’ attachments -or non-attachments- to their ‘Hispanic Ethnicity.'”

This is, like, cool, I think… Alas, I’m very busy these days trying to figure out my MEAT (or Mexican Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) to really get serious about my HEAT.

But don’t you people worry! I’ll be working on it and keep you posted.

Michelle and Sasha Obama Had Sunday Lunch in Spain… And it Was Much Nicer than Yours

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"Oh, what a wonderful brown little person we have here!"

OK, so if you thought your weekend sucked, consider this: While you and I were enjoying our typical Sunday breakfast, two beautiful Obama girls were having a delightful Sunday lunch with none other than the mismísimo King of Spain -and wife.

According to AP:

Lunch was Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho soup, chargrilled turbot, veal escalopes with mustard, Oriental rice with sauteed mushrooms, a Mallorca-style vegetable ratatouille and sliced fruit with ice cream, accompanied by wines from the northern regions of Rueda and Rioja.”

“Chargrilled turbot” AND “Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho”? Gee! Next time you feel like boasting about your Sunday brunch… Please, pause a little and show some respect … digo, unless you tell me you actually had all that fancy shit for brunch. I mean, come on!

Crap! Gringos Discover Our Secret Plan to Take Over: “Invasion By Birth Canal”

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U.S. Senators plan to halt ‘invasion by birth canal’ by overturning constitutional guarantee for anyone born on U.S. soil

I told you! It was just a matter of time before somebody found out what we (i.e. immigrants) have been cooking up all these years: Taking over America by birthing lots of little creatures to populate this country.

According to the brilliant, anti-immigrant movement, what America is undergoing right now is a serious case of “Invasion by Birth Canal,” by which “illegal immigrants smuggle themselves into the U.S. to have ‘anchor babies,’” which I can only suppose means babies of people such as Jorge Ramos or María Elena Salinas, right?

[I always knew those two -and some 12 million more- were a sneaky bunch.]

Watch some more about this nonsense below:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Jon Stewart: ‘Anchor Babies’ Sounds Like A New …, posted with vodpod

Justin Timberlake’s Approach to Tequila Not Quite What You’d Expect From a 40-Percent Alcohol Spirit

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I’m not sure you care, but turns out the overrated multi-talented Justin Timberlake is the CEO and founder of some concoction known as 901 Tequila, which may or may not be the real thing.

So…. to show us that Agave-based drinks are not only good, but can be classy -and sexy- at the same time, Timberlake directed the following spot, which -according to Creativity–  seeks to “position the brand as the more distinguished choice of its agave brethren.”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Call me old-fashioned, but when I think “tequila” I tend to think of other types of situations, which are not necessarily classy or distinguished but certainly more real.

To wit:

As Arizona’s Passage of the SB1070 Becomes Imminent, I Worry for the Future of Miss Caliente

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With Arizona’s sb1070 set to take effect Thursday, nobody has been able to inform this blogger what will become of the state’s annual Miss Caliente pageant, that “unforgettable event that places the strength of Latina woman in the spotlight.”

I’m totally making this up My sources tell me the pageant this year will undergo a slight change of name to make sure these señoritas are all Legally Hot. Starting 2010, the Miss Caliente Pageant will become Miss Legally Caliente Pageant.

[Oh, and as for their skin color, I wouldn’t worry too much about them being pulled over by the local cops: these ladies seem to have mastered the art of hair coloring.]

Paulina Rubio & Mom Get Milk Moustache. Someone [And This Blogger] Ruins the Surprise

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La Chica Dorada (aka Paulina Rubio) and her fabulous mom, Susana Dosamantes, are scheduled to appear on the next Got Milk campaign, out August 3rd.

However, a Paulina Rubio fan site spoiled the surprise for everybody and -of course- this blogger wanted to second the spoil. Here they are. Enjoy them. Or not. Whatever.

Wait… isn’t she supposed to be preggers?

¡Santos Demonios! The Complete Collection of ‘Hispanic Batman’ is Finally Out

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Didn’t make it to Comic Con this past weekend? Do not worry. You can still get your hands on the complete collection of Hispanic Batman, the one and only action hero “with a DNA of a Mexican wrestler thrown in for good measure.”

The book was finally out this weekend, but it was only for sale at the San Diego Comic-Con conference. However, my very knowledgeable sources tell me you will be able to buy unsold copies on the Royal Flush website after the convention. ¡Yo quiero todos!

“The dynamic Hispanics go deep inside the Playboy Mansion.”

Young Director Calls Her Abuela an Idiot, Shoots Her in NY Latino Film Festival Promotional Clip

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So much for the Waka-Waka controversy. The latest thing that -apparently- has many Latino really pissed off is New York’s Latino Film Festival’s promotional video (click on the photo below to watch), which shows a young girl as the director of what appears to be a Latino film directing her grandmother from behind the camera.

According to some angry Latinos, this promotional video “bears little to no relevance to Latino viewers.” I guess because most of us wouldn’t call our abuela an idiot and then go on kill her.

Quite frankly, I am not at all offended by the Latinoness or lack of thereof of the promo… But go on, judge for yourself and rejoice in one more thing to be angry about.

(Click on the photo to watch the video)

Big Mexican Women Help Very Dangerous Afghan People Escape Texas, Says Fox News

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Blame it on the Mexicans, or rather, on Big Mexican Women (BMW’s.)

According to the folks at the not-so-fair-nor-balanced network Fox News, a loose network of Mexican-American women, “some of whom may be illegal immigrants,” have helped some very dangerous Afghan military deserters go AWOL from an Air Force Base in Texas.

Apparently, the Afghan fellows refer to these ladies as the “BMWs” —Big Mexican Women– whom, according to Fox News:

“[…] are single and older than the Afghans, who tend to be in their early 20s. If an Afghan needs a ride, they’ll pick him up. If they’re needed to run errands — or to take them away from the base in the middle of the night — they will be there at a moment’s notice, the sources said.”

Pick them up in a car? Run errands for them? Help them escape Texas? I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a nice, willing-to-help bunch. Who cares if they’re big or not?

I always knew I wanted a BMW.