Is Your Kosher Elevator in Danger? Hire a Mexican!

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ascensoristaYou might not know this (why would you?) but a controversy has been brewing among Orthodox Jews in New York City regarding the so-called Shabbos elevators: elevators fixed to stop on every floor from Friday evening until Saturday evening so that observant Jews do not have to press any buttons.

The problem? a group of prominent rabbis in Israel seeks to ban the use of Shabbos elevators. This, of course, represents a problem for many, “especially the elderly or infirm, and large Orthodox families living with babies or small children on upper floors of high-rise buildings.”

So this blogger has come up with a Solomonic solution: Hire a Mexican! we’ll gladly push the buttons for you, make some bucks in the process and nobody will have to go to hell.

See? and you thought I was not a wise Latina!

Boating Magazine Launches What I Believe is a Spanish-language Web Site

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Picture 3I just love it when marketers get all excited about doing something to cater to the “ever-burgeoning” Hispanic population; even if its a magazine about people who love their boats.

Meet MarineroLoco, the presumably Spanish-language version of Mad Mariner, an online daily magazine that “takes an inclusive approach to boating, powerboats and sailboats, fishing and cruising, multi-hulls and mono-hulls.”

[Multi-hulls and mono-hulls in Spanish? Why didn’t I think of that before?]

Take a stroll around the site. You will NOT find anything about Cuban balseros or Mexican polleros across the Rio Grande, but you are likely to bump into some of the most fascinating translations and words in Spanish you didn’t even know existed!

It’s so good that even the ads are reinventing the language: Remplaze. Actualize. Ahore en grande. Ahore Ahora…?

Obamas to Host ‘Fiesta Latina’ [Didn’t Invite Me]

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obama-sombreroNo job? No health care? No immigration reform? No problema!

The president wants you to know he cares about Latinos, so tonight he will be hosting a special event honoring Spain and Hispanics. Why not?

Dubbed -what else?- Fiesta Latina, the event will feature performances by -who else?- Marc Anthony, Gloria Estefan and George Lopez, because those are the only three Latinos we should really care about: they all have jobs, a health-care plan and more importantly an American citizenship.

Happy Heritage Month suckers hermanos!

¡El Colmo! Even ‘Polleros’ are Now ‘Made in China’

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First it was the piñatas, then the non-Agave tequila and the figurines of the Virgin of Guadalupe. And now, the Chinese are taking over the highly profitable activity of smuggling people into the U.S.

At a time when arrests of Mexican immigrants crossing illegally into the U.S. is at an all-time low, a new breed of human smuggling is taking place at the U.S.-Mexico border: Meet the Chinese coyote.

Authorities in Nogales report an almost tenfold spike in the number of Chinese people caught in the southern Arizona desert […] with at least 261 Chinese border-crossers arrested this year, according to the L.A. Times.

Mexican polleros would be best advised to move their butt if they want to remain competitive; otherwise, they will see their industry evaporate, just as it happened with shoes, toys, clothing, computers, etc. etc.

Huarache Truck in Brooklyn Nabs Top Prize at 2009 Vendy Awards. The Martínez Name Lives On!

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Forget falafel and jerk chicken on wheels. The winners of the fifth annual Vendy Award, granted to the best of the best food vendors in New York City, are Fernando and Yolanda Martínez, the husband and wife owners of Country Boys Taco truck in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

The Martinezes -sadly NOT related to this blogger- specialize in delicious, enormous huaraches made fresh and on the spot inside their truck.

¿Quién dijo que no se puede?

Brilliant! Univision Will Have You Pay to Become a Walking Billboard Promoting Its Brand

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You can say whatever you want about Univision, but you cannot deny the company’s marketing team is genius.

Starting today, Univision viewers will be able to visit La Tienda Univision to purchase all sorts of tacky stuff, from El Gordo y la Flaca-themed T-shirts ($25.95) and mugs ($14.95) to pet’s gear featuring the Despierta América logo ($18.95.)

It is still early to tell if Univision’s venture into merchandising will become an important source of revenue for the cash-starved media company. But one thing is for sure: it certainly deals a serious blow to the recently launched Spanish-language version of Sky Mall.

Ay, Chihuahua!

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Ah… the wonders of marketing!

Honor Your Heritage. Eat Pizza. Drink Pepsi. Be Fat

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2004.10.01.obese_childrenHispanic Heritage Month is in full swing now, and because there is never a better time to celebrate our heritage, Pizza Patrón has partnered with Pepsi Co. to bring us “!Viva Latino! Pizza Patron y Pepsi Festejan el Mes Patrio” [sic]

Notwithstanding the lack of proper punctuation, the special promotion has been “specifically designed to honor Latin culture” by having us indulge in unhealthy amounts of fast-food and soda.

According to a story in QSR:

With any 2-liter purchase of Pepsi products through September 30, customers will receive a free phone egrip Non-Slip Strip. The egrip […] features the Pizza Patron and Pepsi logos, as well as Pizza Patron’s slogan, “Latin Life, Enjoy.”

Latin Life, Enjoy?

What ever happened to Dr. Manny Alvarez and his Hot Latin Diet?

Newt Gingrich Launches Ghetto-Language Website

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It seems our favorite conservative politician, Newt Gingrich, has had a change of heart.

Not long ago, he regaled us with the now infamous quote about Spanish being the language of “living in a ghetto.” And now, the former House Speaker is using that same language to make sure Hispanics implement morals and values in our ghettos homes.

Mr. Gingrich this week launched The Americano, a bilingual site “offering a fair and balance perspective on the subjects that touch Hispanic Americans. A place where people can express themselves and learn all about traditional values.”

Ay, ay, ay! Happy Heritage Month, amigos!

Mariachis, Goya Food-Sponsored Señoritas Give ‘Los Mets’ a Hispanic Lift Against ‘Los Bravos’

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LosMetsLargeNot to be outdone by Los Yankees and their legally-non-blond Latina, the New York Mets tonight decided to wear their “Los Mets” jerseys as they face the Atlanta Braves (or shall I say Los Bravos de Atlanta?).

Because unless you’ve been living under a rock (or don’t receive Hispanic Google alerts) we are right in the middle of Hispanic Heritage Month, baby!

My friend Henry is at Citi Field as we speak, and assures me there is a Mariachi band playing between innings…

All this, of course, spiced up with the sexy moves of some Goya Foods-sponsored señoritas.

Guess Who Will be Pitching This Weekend at Yankee Stadium?

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Very rarely Every now and then Hispanic Heritage Month gives us some pleasant surprises, like this coming Saturday, when Justice Sonia Sotomayor will come off the bench… and onto the Yankees field to toss the ceremonial first pitch at Yankee Stadium, before the New York Yankees take on the Boston Red Sox.

“Having Justice Sotomayor, a South Bronx native, participate in our yearly Hispanic Heritage Month celebration is very exciting, as she is an inspiration to so many,” the Yankees’ director of Latino Affairs, told the local media.

We wish Ms. Sotomayor a safe pitch and hope she will have the time to enjoy some of the “Latin delicacies” the venue has to offer, including $5 empanadas at Goya’s Salsa on the Go food stand.

Yumi!

Attention Hispanic Shoppers: Buying Expensive, Useless Stuff Now Available in Spanish!

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I don’t know you, but these days the only pleasure I find while flying around the U.S. consists of browsing the pages of SkyMall, the quarterly in-flight magazine where you can find everything, from a life-size zombie statue and Retro Ice treat makers to potty-training devices for dogs.

So I was crushed delighted to find out SkyMall is now available in Spanish. This way, Hispanics, too, will be able to enjoy the pleasures of spending the money they don’t have in stuff they don’t need, like the $25 Fernando the Chihuahua statue (above) which -SkyMall editors inform us- will be a hit on your dining room…. (and hopefully will go nicely with that decorative plate featuring the Kennedy’s.)

Ay Chihuahua!

Statue Honoring ‘Los Temerarios’ in New Jersey has Residents [and This Blogger] Very Upset

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In the latest riff between a dwindling black community and a growing Mexican population in Passeic, New Jersey, a group of residents are fuming over the placing of a statue of Los Temerarios in some housing complex.

According to The Record of Bergen County:

“Some members of Passaic’s dwindling black population see the statue of Los Temerarios as a cultural affront to non-Mexicans.”

I don’t know about the black community in Passaic, but this blogger is a non, non-Mexican who thinks Los Temerarios are a cultural affront to culture. In Passeic or else.

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And Now… Tortilla + Lime + Salt Chocolate

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Marketing minds never stop working; so it is marketers we shall thank for the upcoming snack craze: Exotic chocolates (or shall I say “chockolates”?) featuring Ramen Noodle, French Toast and Tortilla lime+ salt flavors.

This super idea, someone tells me, comes from Komforte Chockolates, a company I know nothing about but to which I’d love to pitch the following flavors. How ’bout:

1. Chockolate pibil

2. Chockotinga

3. Chorilate

4. Mochapeño

5. Choco-chilaquiles

Will they make this blogger very happy and release some of these by September 16?

El Army Wishes Hispanics in Baghdad a Very Happy Heritage Month

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Don’t be fooled by this picture. Hispanics in the military are a happy bunch… Or at least, they are just about to be.

Starting Sept. 15, Hispanic soldiers in Iraq will be joining the Latino marketing cultural extravaganza known as Hispanic Heritage Month, as the company that took them to Iraq in the first place is preparing a series of events to honor their Heritage.

These include -of course- plenty of “Latin food” and salsa dancing, because that’s what you want to do when you live in a place surrounded by mortal danger and far away from your abuela.