These Guys are not Screwed, They are Screwed Up

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I don’t really know what’s worse: If watching a video of Tim Donnelly pledging to put a goddam gun in every goddam American home, or witnessing the pathetic, supposedly funny translation by María Conchita Alonso while clutching a pet named Tequila and informing us about the large size of Donnelly’s balls.

I am also not sure how I managed to make it to the following 3 minutes below, but I did. Sadly.

In any case, I felt I had to say sorry to my Californian friends. This blogger will be praying for you.

Insight: How to Attract more Hispanics to your Restaurant

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I just love it when business writers and business journals on the business of writing meaningless business pieces give business owners advice on how to attract more Hispanic customers to their, ahem, businesses.

Take the Orlando Business Journal, whose appropriately-named Latino spin-off (Latino Business Journal) recently walked us through 4 tips to get more Hispanics into your restaurant.

Among the earth shattering insights shared by presumably non-Hispanic writer Hernan Tagliani:

Make it a pleasant, relatable experience. […] Fresh, healthy ingredients, along with quality and service are very important factors.

Because, as everybody knows, non-Hispanics love to dine out in unpleasant, un-relatable places, where they can stuff themselves with canned foods and unhealthy ingredients.

Thank you, Orlando Business Journal, for the insight!

Latinos on Fox News Latino Declare 2014 ‘The Year of the Latino’ -For Some Reason

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René Alegría, founder of Mamiverse.
René Alegría, founder of Mamiverse.

Sometimes I wish I had less time on my hands to actually go over all the Latino-related stuff that lands daily in my Inbox.

But just in case you were wondering what’s new in the senseless fascinating world of Latino media and Latino things about Latinos on Latino media©, check out this video on Fox News Latino, where René Alegría (a Latino, mind you) declares 2014 ‘The Year Of The Latino,’ with all its capital letters and all, while chatting away with other Latinos as they deliver “Empowering Transformational Entertainment”.

Appropriately, my Book Is Featured on Cheesy ‘Latin’ Video

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I don’t mean to brag, but you know? I wrote a book. Yes, a physical thing made of paper and ink, which was actually sold in Amazon.com and all, making it –at some point– to the New York Times list of The 500 Books You Will be Well Advised to Ignore (i.e. Not Buy.)

Anyhow, I did not make a penny out of the thing, but I had tons of fun co-writing it with the insanely funny Alexis Munier, an American nutcase imported from Switzerland, who came knocking on my Inbox many moons ago.

But I digress. It is with great delight [and thanks to the watchful eye of Diego Olivé] that I’m happy to see my opera prima reaching YouTube-celebrity status as important footage in this Lorrie Morgan & Sammy Kershaw rendition of He Drinks Tequila.

Here is Talk Dirty: Spanish, in all its literary glory.

This. Blogger. Can. Now. Die. In. Peace.

Bimbo’s ‘Negrito’ Goes Rasta with ‘Negrito Raztachoc’

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If you thought Bimbo’s decision to drop the name ‘Negrito’ from one of its decades-old brands was final, think again.

A “correspondent” of this blog in Ixtapa, Zihuatanejo has spotted this treasure, now in vanilla flavor.

(And no, it’s not old: This Raztachoc is good through May 7, 2014)

Click here to see Bimbo’s negrito “evolution” through the years.

Photo: Begoña Lozano

Hurry! You Can Still Buy Your Hispanic-Themed Christmas Gift Online

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Lil’Hugs Hispanic Doll is not only still in stock, but she can be yours for only $13 at Amazon.com.

For reasons I have yet to understand, snuggly Lil is pitched by her creators as a “Hispanic Doll.”

I guess it’s got something to do with her being dark-skinned. But then again, she doesn’t look anything quite like the Hispanics I’m so used to watching on Hispanic Television.

I’m confused!

But, hey, it doesn’t really matter… It is Navidad. So ¡Feliz Navidad!

Mexican Cutting Edge Technology

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Forget Google Glass, the Galaxy Gear smartwatch, Microsoft’s ‘smart bra’ and the like. Only in Mexico will you find baseball hats and sunglasses that double as “devices of mobile communication.”

This, my friends, is what the future looks like.

Greetings from … Mexico, land of cutting edge technology and headquarters of this blog until further notice.

OMG, You Guys! The Latin James Bond is Coming!

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U.S.-born Latinos who prefer to speak English -and pretty much suck at writing in any language- can’t get enough novelty on television this 2013. First came Fusion, with its easy-to-understand English-language news shows. And now, comes El Rey Network, a new English-language cable network created by director Robert Rodriguez and backed by Comcast and -who else?- Univision.

Scheduled to launch later this month, El Rey Network was introduced in May by Univision CEO Randy Falco as part of Univision’s “firm commitment to providing Latinos with the best in-culture programming available.”

And what could be more “in-culture” than an Untitled Latin James Bond?

I’m telling you, I can’t wait for a hot, brawny mustachioed Latin man asking for his margarita, shaken, not steeeeerd.

There’s also tons of action: Mass shootings, burning cars and even a exploding brassiere or two. Take a look:

Sofía Vergara Graces Cover of Glam. CondeNast Flack Promptly Promotes ‘Columbian’ Beauty

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It is always refreshing to see “one of us” on the cover of high-profile magazines. But it is of special joy to this blogger to receive an image of the cover with an accompanying note by the magazine’s P.R. department hyping the awesomness of having such a smart “Columbian” beauty on their cover.

Flack

I don’t know you, but I’m off to read this thing ASAP, and try to find out if I too can become a highest-earning Latina.